March 24, 2010

You're Not Done When You're Done

I was reading a blog yesterday with a post that hit on something that I think is not mentioned as much as it probably should be, but is a very important aspect of a D/s experience.  The specific post I read was "Worked Down" by A Daddy and His Baby Girl.  Daddy wrote the post and it was a synopsis of a scene they participated in.  He did not specifically mention the topic that I will , but eluded to it's need very well.  The topic is.......aftercare.

Most of us read about scenarios, activities, and scenes all the time.  We see how involved and intense they can be.  Most of us at some point have engaged in activities that were extremely intense as well.  Typically though, we just read and hear about the activity itself.  A very important aspect is after the scene is over and done with.  This is when it all comes together. 

After an intense session, or even a not so intense session, a sub needs time to relax and come back down to earth...or out of subspace as the case may be.  Having been through an intense situation she needs to feel all the comfort and nuturing that her Dom can give her.  She has just been through a tremendously tense and stressful situation, even if it was pleasureable.  A lot of the time it involved pain on a multitude of levels and intensities.  She has been used by her Dom for his pleasure.  She has been treated and controlled by her Dom the way he desires, and she has submitted herself to him in receiving this attention.  Yet when it's all said and done she needs to feel the love and support only he can give her.

A sub needs this down time after her session to feel her Dom's sensitive side.  She needs to be held.  She needs to be cuddled.  She needs to know and feel she has the appreciation and love she deserves for what she has given to him...her body, mind, and soul.  It is this close time together after a session that it all comes together and becomes a complete circle.  She is reassured by him of his pleasure with her, and can feel the appreciation he has for what he was able to take from her.  Without the aftercare, she can feel alone and isolated.  She can feel used and unappreciated, and not used in a good way.  Aftercare is just as important as the rest of the scene.  Aftercare should be part of your scene. It should never be left out. A sub should always receive it to complete the circle of submission back to her Dom. If the circle is not completed, the sub can in a sense be left wandering around trying to find her way and get lost not knowing which direction to go. 

So, when you're done with your scene, you still aren't done.  Hold you sub tight and let her know how much she means to you.  She needs to know that you needed what you got from her and that you are there for her no matter what.  She needs to comfort only her Dom can provide in that very moment.  she needs to know that her Dom cares enough to see her through this and that what she gives him worthwhile. 

Aftercare...don't forget it or leave it out.  It may occur after the scene is over, but is a big part of the overall sceanrio of your time together.


  1. Thanks for the link, DV! :) I'm glad that you enjoyed the posts!

    You know, it occurs to me (and you touch on this briefly) that perhaps a lack of aftercare may lead to one of the most common doubts among submissives - that of disappointing their Masters/Sirs/Daddies, Of course we don't want to disappoint them (and most times we don't), but if we aren't assured that we've pleased them or that we've given them our all, it can be difficult to reconcile our emotions with the acts that we have performed.

    As easy or as hard as Daddy has ever been with me, he has always engaged in aftercare...and I have never doubted that I am the wonderful little submissive that he has always wanted... :) Call it anecdotal evidence, but I'm standing by my claims!

    Take care and thanks for writing!
    Baby Girl :)

  2. lovely blog, I use photographs myself but most of them are me it is an outlet but truly love some of the ones you have here just visually pleasing I have one I found here i was going to use because it depicts the feeling of my Dominant Husband and I. Look forward to more