December 22, 2016

Pushing Her Mental Boundaries...

I have been asked about the theme of my tumblr blog and it being BDSM related yet I post a lot of girl on girl pics.  There isn’t a simple answer to this.  It’s much more involved then one might think.  Of course, there is the fact that those pics are just plain hot and I post them because I like them.  Yet, it also goes deeper than that in relation to my slave.
My slave has always had bisexual desires and found women attractive.  Getting her to admit she has those desires has been a bit more of a challenge.  It has taken work and time and patience.  It has taken a lot of support and encouragement in letting her know that it is ok to desire the things she does, not just with her bisexuality but also being the slave she needs to be, her desire and love of pain, and a whole host of other things.  It has taken her becoming more secure in what we have, who she is for me, and that we are in this together no matter what.  Everyone has those certain mental boundaries that are an issue for them, and her admitting her desires for women has been one of those.
There are multiple levels to her coming to terms with her bisexuality, or at least the desire for it, and how it fits within our Master/slave relationship.  She has the thoughts of her being made to please other women.  Her being allowed to make other women please her.  Her bringing another woman to her Master for him to enjoy while she has to watch, or maybe she will be allowed to join.  Us bringing another woman into our relationship on a longer term basis to teach and to submit to us and become a part of what we have.  
There are many possible ways to involve another woman and she loves the thought of them all, but that has taken time to get to this point.  This is where it is your job as a Dominant or Master to work with her.  Something like this can’t be forced or demanded.  It can’t be shoved down her throat (no pun intended) as an ultimatum.  I guess it could be, but you won’t get the desired result from doing it that way.  She may do it if forced, but she won’t be doing it because she wants it.  I would much rather help her get there, help her accept her desires, and help her embrace her desires so that it is something she wants and needs, and isn’t something she is doing just because she is required.  To me, that is the sign of a good leader… inspire her to do more and become more, not force it upon her.  Lead her to want to do it and not just do it because she has no choice.  
Back to the original question… why do I post girl on girl and threesome pics?  Because we both like them.  It’s something we both enjoy.  I know she will be looking at my tumblr, as I will be hers, and seeing what pics have been posted.  It helps us talk about these fantasies and thoughts and communicate more about it.  Because it turns her on to post and see these pics and embrace her desires.  So yes, they are hot and we just like them, but there is also a deeper reasoning behind posting them that helps to fuel our Master/slave relationship and what we both want from it together.  

June 6, 2016

Don't Trust The Vultures...

I saw this cartoon and had to laugh.  It is a funny blurb.  But then it immediately got me to thinking.  It seems as though this is so true in real life.  Many times people seem supportive and encouraging, yet they aren't doing it for your benefit, but rather for their own personal reasons and gain.

Because it's the way my brain works, I immediately related this picture and my thoughts to this lifestyle.  Trust is the cornerstone of it all.  Being able to trust someone, or a group of people in this lifestyle is at the core essence of all this is.  Domination requires trust.  Submission requires trust.  If you don't have that trust then you have nothing.  The vultures will try to push and test you, regardless of trust.  Don't let them!

So many times I read about people who have put their trust in someone only to have that trust completely violated.  More times than not this is a submissive putting their trust in a "Dom" to only find out the hard way that the trust was not earned or warranted.  The so called "Dom" had only his own agenda and desires in mind and was manipulating the sub for his own benefit.  What seemed like encouragement was really just pushing someone to a place where there was no good outcome.

So how does a person know who to trust?  I wish there was an easy answer to this, but there isn't.  I wish I could say follow these certain steps to e able to know if you can trust someone, but I can't.  It takes time and getting to know someone.  It takes time and action to back up words to develop and build trust.  Trust is earned over time, not demanded, required, or blindly given.

You should never give yourself completely until you feel someone has earned your trust enough to deserve that from you.  Never put yourself in a position with someone that could cause you harm if you don't know whether they do have your best interest at heart.  You have to know that person has your best interest and well being as their utmost concern.  Trust your gut on this as well.  Your heart and head may tell you one thing, but your gut feelings will rarely if ever be wrong.  If something feels wrong or off then it probably is.  You may not be able to put your finger on exactly what isn't right, but if you have that feeling then it's not worth the potential bad outcome to continue.

Learning to trust can be difficult.  Learning who to trust can be hard as well.  Surround yourself with those you know you can trust and rely on.  Make sure you don't put yourself in a position to be used for the benefit of others, and to your own demise.  Safety and well being above all else.  The right people will completely understand this and be patient with you.  They won't push you to a place they know you aren't comfortable and/or know you don't want to go.  They won't make you feel bad or belittle you for not doing something that feels wrong.  Trust yourself and your own feelings first and foremost.  the rest will come in time as it should.

March 2, 2016

No Clear Line (Q&A)...

The following questions were submitted by Misty for March Q&A.

1. Where's the line between an asshole and a dominant? Because, you know, when viewing from the outside that line may not be so clear.

I think this is a little bit subjective and in the eye of the beholder.  What one person sees as an asshole, another may see as a normal Dominant.  What one person sees as overbearing, another person may see as just what they need.  I don't know that I can adequately describe this.  Personally, I think there is a difference in being Dominant and being Domineering.  There is a difference in throwing around control and power because you feel you can, versus having that control and power and knowing how and when to use it.

Being Dominant is about being a good leader.  It's about being someone that is worth following and receiving submission.  It's about earning trust and respect.  It's about pushing and testing but staying within limits and boundaries.  Being Dominant is more about having self-control and staying in control than constantly wielding your imaginary Dominant sword.  It's about being worthy of having a sub kneel at your feet ready and needing to serve of her own desire because you have earned that place with her, as opposed to requiring or demanding it.  At least these are my own personal views, but that may be different for everyone.  There is no clear line as to what this may be, and it may be different for everyone.  You just have to find what works best for those involved.

2. Do you think it's important, or helpful in any way, to be part of a community--going to munches and such?

I do think it can be helpful to get to know others in your local community that are also into this lifestyle.  Many people can feel alone and like they are on an island unto themselves in this.  Having the vast expanse of the internet has helped link people together from all over the world, but actually meeting people close by, in the flesh, and developing actual friendships with like minded people is never a bad thing.  Most groups that I have seen are very laid back, casual, and open to people joining them.  Munches are a great way to start since they are in a casual and fairly vanilla atmosphere.  It give you a chance to meet people, talk about normal things as well as a little kink, and get a feel for others in this lifestyle.  IT's always interesting to me to meet other people into this and see how they go about their D/s and bdsm relationships.  So yes, I do think this can be helpful and a good thing to do.

3. If you had two weeks with the slave, no interruptions and a great supply of money, where would you go? What would you do? The sky is the limit. Don't be shy, give us some juicy details. ;)

Ummm... there are way to many options and not enough time to even touch this one.  But I can promise there would be a lot of debauchery going on.  :)

March 1, 2016

Q&A With DV

Apparently it's question and answer month.  So, to stay in the spirit of everything, and to try to get back on here more and be more engaged with my blog (yes, I've been shamed for not posting much), I will be participating.

Any time during the month of March, feel free to send your questions to me and I will be happy to answer as truthfully and openly as I possibly can.  Of course if it gets too personal or violates some sort of privacy then I likely will decline to answer. Otherwise, if you send the questions then I will post them along with my responses.  You can feel free to ask questions as a comment here or email me directly.

You ask... DV will answer.  I look forward to what you all want to know!


February 28, 2016

Paving The Path (Struggles and Growth)...

Things have changed over the past year.  They have gotten better in a way and stayed stagnant in another.  Coming out of a not so great marriage and needing a fresh start, my slave moved here to be with me last summer.  Not in the same house, but locally where she has her own place for her and her daughter.  It has been wonderful having her here so nearby, but it hasn't come with it's challenges.

There were some issues with her daughter and not adjusting well to the move.  We got past that and she is doing great now.  There were some issues with the first job she found here and it was a badly managed business which caused ungodly amounts of stress.  Now on job number 2, and it's better but still not quite what she would love to be doing.  She has had her own adjustments in being away from her family and friends.  Then there is the problem of us not being able to be together as much as either of us would like, even though it's much more than we had before.

That last one, the lack of time together, that one has a lot to do with me and my side of things.  As many of you know, I am married but at this point it's out of convenience.  Although I'm really beginning to see that it's not very convenient.  We have stayed together for our daughter.  We grew apart long ago, but still get along well enough.  We each have our own outside relationships, but we are at a point we each are wanting more than we can have.  We all get along and even hang out together (yes the four of us in our own convoluted messed up relationships).  It's great we all get along and makes life easier.  Yet, I still have obligations at home that keep me here and keep me from being with the slave I want to be with on a more constant basis.  It's hard for us both, but hopefully change in that arena is on the horizon.

With all the potential issues, roadblocks, and obstacles, we have still managed to grow closer.  It would seem as though we have grown closer by leaps and bounds.  We have become more of the Master and slave we desire to be.  We have felt the depth of what we have intensifying.  She has become more slave than she ever thought she would be.  She has become more emotionally attached (me too for that matter) than she ever has been before.  I am so very proud of her for the progress she has made and seeing her grow this way.  Becoming the woman she needs to be for herself and for me.  Seeing how far she has come fills me with pride.
Yet all that progress and growth and becoming closer creates its own issue.  It's makes us want this and to be together that much more.  It makes us want to be Master and slave that much more.  It makes not being together that much harder.  But like everything else, together we will get through it.  We will work on it together and come out the other side stronger and better for it.  If anything, it has allowed us to see just how much we do want and need this dynamic and with each other.

I have always said that the one thing I haven't done in this lifestyle but want more than anything is to be able to have a 24/7 relationship.  To be able to live it day in and day out with someone.  I'm sure that will bring upon its own set of issues, but those are things that we both eagerly welcome.  It will change.  We will have what we want.  Sooner rather than later.  We will get there and have it.  We have been paving the way, and together we will embark on this "Dauntless Journey" together.