April 24, 2014

Life Lessons BDSM Taught Me...

For those that don't know, I reside in the southeastern US.  Yes, you know the place...where everyone allegedly wears overalls, makes moonshine, is missing half their teeth, talks with a severe drawl, dates an marries their cousins, drive s pickup truck, goes muddin' on Saturday night....you know all the stereotypes.  Compared to many areas of the country, this area is very conservative and set in their ways and thinking.   I live in the bible belt where you go to church or your going to hell.  I've yet to figure that one out...isn't there some type of requirement to believe God or something?!?!  Anyway, no matter what anyone says, race is still a big issue in the south as well.  Alternate lifestyles...holy crap!  The thought of BDSM, same sex relationships, or anything else out of the ordinary, is almost enough to give some people a heart attack or stroke right on the spot.

I will admit, in years past I wasn't as open minded as I am now.  I may have had views and opinions that aligned with some of the above mentioned stereotypes.  So what changed?  I did...and becoming involved in the bdsm community changed me.  It wasn't a quick overnight change.  It wasn't sudden.  But over time, and being more involved, I began to change and evolve into a more understanding and tolerant person.

The one thing I have learned most over the years is that just because someone is different, doesn't mean it it wrong.  It's just different.  Spending time on tumblr, spending time on FetLife, reading all the blogs (yes that means all you freaks reading this very post - lol), it all shows you just how many different avenues there are in this world that people venture down, and the same goes for the BDSM lifestyle.  What I used to see and think was over the top crazy weird, and think people were a bunch of total freaks, I now see as people enjoying being who they are and being happy expressing themselves.

These days I see myself as being one of the freaks, so to speak, at least in my own way.  I realize there are a lot of people that look at my lifestyle choices and think it's outrageous.  There are others that see what I do as very mild.  Conversely, I see a lot of people that I think are very mild and, others that I still think are freaks and do some really weird stuff.  The difference now, though, is that I say freak with love behind it.  We all do what we like and what makes us happy.  My kink and lifestyle isn't for everyone else, just as the kinks and lifestyle of some others is in no way for me.  These days I can look at other's choices and understand that it is the personal choice and kink, and as long as it works for them then fantastic.

I am much more accepting of others these days.  I have learned that we all have our thing and do what works for us, what we need, and what makes us happy.  That doesn't mean I have to like it, want it for myself, and want to be involved, but I am understanding in knowing that it is what works for them.  I have become more liberal in my stance and views (no that does not mean Democrat), and tolerant of the lifestyle choices others choose to live by.  Those choices don't make them bad or make them wrong...they are just different than me, just as my choices aren't wrong, but are what I need and works for me.

So I leave you with this... try to be understanding of others and the choices they choose to live by.  Just as you may look at someone and think they are weird or doing something that seems out of sorts, they very well may be looking at you the same way.  Just realize that they are different than you, but that doesn't make them bad people.  If they aren't forcing their ways down your throat, you shouldn't do it to them either.  Only try to understand they are doing what works for them and makes them happy.

This is a life lesson I have learned over my 20 something years on this earth (cough cough)...okay, forty something.  And this is a life lesson I very well may not have learned were it not for D/s, BDSM, and this lifestyle I have chosen to make part of my life.