February 26, 2010

To her Surprise...

I am still early in the training process with my sub L.  She has come a very long way since we first began, yet she still has so far to go.  She will be the first to admit this.  Recently I told her I had gone online and purchased some "supplies", which we playfully referred to as toys, to enable me to better use her and to aid in her submission.  For over a week she kept asking what I had bought.  I told her every time she asked that I would not tell her, and she would find out soon enough.  L tried every way she could to trick me into telling her what I bought.  Some might see this as a transgression by her for continually asking after I told her I wouldn't tell her.  Yet for me, I rather enjoyed her torture of wondering and trying to figure it out.  "What could he have bought?  What will he do to me?" In this post I will discuss only one of those items.

When we met earlier this week, as soon as she entered the room we kissed passionately.  Then I immediately pinned her face first against the wall.  I lifted her skirt to feel the bare ass that was underneath, then slid my hand under and began pinching and pulling on the pussy that belonged to me.  To her it didn't matter if I was gentle or rough...pleasured her or inflicted pain...her pussy was getting the attention she had been longing for from her Dom.  We hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks and I knew how horny and worked up she would be.  After a few minutes of getting her soaking wet, I stopped and whispered in her ear.  "Are you ready for your punishment?"  She knew this would happen tonight and was expecting it due to a recent disobedience.  Nothing like a sudden shift of gears from getting so turned on to facing the punishment you knew was to be doled out this evening.

L was taken and bent over the bed to receive her punishment.  After she received it, I told her to stay bent over, as I was not done with her.  Before we go any further, you have to realize that we have had many discussions about ass play and anal sex.  This is something she enjoys and truthfully she seems to be turning into an ass slut of sorts.  She loves the feel, the attention, and knowing that only I can take her ass the way she enjoys, and that giving her ass to me is one of the most submissive acts she can offer.  Yet, to this point, there has only been a bit of play and one time where I have "taken" her ass.  L is bent over the bed still, face down in the sheets, and awaiting what comes next.  I step away and return a moment later.  She doesn't know that I have fetched one of my new supplies...a butt plug.  It is a small one for training, but nonetheless, a plug.  I lube it up and begin to move it around her puckered hole, slowly inserting it.  I move it in and out, almost in a fashion as though I'm fucking her ass with it.  She is wriggling just a bit, and moaning.  In actuality, I'm getting it further and further seated, and finally have it all the way in.  I ask her if she likes my new toy, to which she moans "yes sir".  I said "good, let's go eat dinner".  That is what really caught her off guard.  You could feel the "oh shit" tension fill the room.  I helped her straighten up and off we go.

This is one of the many lessons she is learning.  Never assume you know where things are going, or what will happen next.  Assuming will bite you in the ass every time.  So...L has now gone from overly excited, to the mental anguish of being punished, to the enjoyment of something inside her ass, to the humiliation of going into public with a plug in her ass.  We knew no one where we were going, and expected to see no one.  Yet she is worried the whole time that people seeing her know she has a plug in her ass.  Like they can somehow see with their x-ray vision through her skirt.

She did very well during our dinner and enjoyed her plug.  It was the mental side of it, and being in public, more so than the actual physical pleasure.  She is slowly learning about the possibilities of what may happen to her in public as well as private.  The potential humiliation of being seen and someone knowing is a big issue for her.  Yet, she finds an excitement in it.  L knows that I will not guide her in a wrong direction.  But...she also isn't always sure about where I am going with things either.  That's just the way I like it! 

February 24, 2010

Take A Good Look In The Mirror

Photography by China Hamilton

Take a good look in the mirror!  What do you see?  Do you see the real you?  Who you really are?  Or... do you see the person that you put up for everyone to see?  The person you want everyone to think you are?  To believe you are?

I saw this picture and it made me think of some of the conversations I have had with my pet.  She has recently, within the past few months, faced the fact of who and what she is...a submissive that needs and craves to be controlled.  She has felt these feelings for years, yet she didn't really understand them.  Over her life, she always loved being a pleaser in the bedroom, being controlled, and wanting to be able to totally let go all her inhibitions and be the slut she needs to be.  Yet, she did not understand these feelings until very recently, and totally understand what these desires she had really meant.  She has stated that she has felt this way her whole life, but didn't really know what to do with it.  No sexual relationship, of the vanilla sort, has ever been very satisfying, but she did not know why and couldn't figure out exactly what she wanted on a sexual level.  Her daily family life and career also require her to be anything but submissive.  She must be strong and in charge. 

Alas... along comes Sir Dauntless!  LOL!  Seriously though, I have been able to help and enable to her to see and much more clearly understand her underlying feelings and desires.  She has voiced her thoughts on how much better she feels and how free she now feels after being able to see the light and better understand herself.  She refers to this as "total irony".  That fact that she has openly accepted who she feels she truly is and that she is submissive and now owned, yet she has never felt more free and better about herself.  With me, she has dropped the mask that everyone sees in her daily life, and let me see and lead the real "her" down this path.  She also realizes that how she was raised to be and act and the false front of what a good girl does and doesn't do has no bearing on this.  I not only expect but require that she be open, kinky, and the slut and whore you truly is and needs to be.

I think there are a lot of people who deny the existence of who they truly want to be, based on what they feel society expects of them.  People are conditioned to conform to what society expects, and so here comes the mask.  The mask that we use to show the world what we think they want to see.  I understand that in some cases, my own included, based on family and work, that the mask can be a must.  Yet...you also need to be able to take it off and be who you really are without holding yourself back and denying even to yourself who you are at your core.  For a lot of people, this can be an internal struggle that is difficult to get beyond, but once you face it and accept it, then it will enable you to be much more free and relaxed than you have ever been before.  This doesn't just apply to BDSM or D/s.  It can be in regards anything in your life. 

So...I challenge you to take a good look in the mirror and see who is looking back at you.  Is it the real you, or the one that is expected of you?  Are you denying your core existence and who you truly are?  If so, maybe it's time to take off the mask and feed the monster just enough to at least see what it is like.  You might just like what you find and how it feels!

February 23, 2010

The Realization Of A sub

I met my pet a couple of months ago.  We met under the intention of a vanilla relationship, but it didn't take long for us to begin having deep discussions. Through these discussions she revealed to me about her submissive tendencies, and came to the realization that she is indeed a submissive and is in great need of a Dominant male to lead her down this path. The realization has been more of a revelation internally for her, as she now feels she better knows who she is, who she needs to be, and who she wants to be.  She discovered in me as well that I am Dominant and have had a D/s relationship and experience in the past. 

This may all seem a bit odd, or even confusing, for someone not very familiar with a D/s (Dominant/submissive) situation or lifestyle. Yet, it can be very empowering for a sub, as odd as that sounds, to be able to give them-self up to another person. To feel controlled...to feel used...to feel at the direction of another person completely. They have the need to be Dominated. This doesn't mean she doesn't need passion, care, love, support, and kind guidance. In my subs case, it makes her feel free like never before. Like the weight and outer shell has been lifted, to be able to better see and understand the feelings she has had for years, but not understood. And...to now be able to look at the possibilities of being with someone that can give her all she has discovered she needs.

The most interesting part is the mental mindset of someone like this. The thoughts that run through her head. What she thinks about constantly. It has been very enlightening for me to see inside the head of someone like this, as they come to the realization of who they are and feel they need to be.

To better see this I have listed the body of an email she sent to me.  It shows the depth and detail that she thinks about as she was approaching our first meet with a prospective situation and relationship that is new, yet very exciting and enticing.  The mail reads as follows:

As time moves closer, my mind begins to wander.

What will it feel like when we see each other?
How will it feel when we touch?
Will he know at that moment that I am his?
How will it feel to stand before my Dom, my owner, the one I trust with my body, mind, heart and soul?

Will he be dominate from the moment we meet or will that come later?
Will he be pleased with me when he sees me?
Will he kiss me then or will he make me wait, building upon the night.....
Does he know how much I need him?
Does he know how I feel I can't breathe without him?
Does he know that when I think of him, I tremble, not out of fear, but out of excitement, passion, lust, need, devotion....
When he takes me and makes my body officially his, how will I feel, emotionally, mentally?
Does he know my body is his to use how ever he wishes?
Does he know I want nothing but his happiness, for when he's happy, it pours down upon me?
Does he know that I am really his, my submission is real?
Will I feel his approval of my submission by the way he looks at me, touches me, holds me?
How will it feel to be before him, completely bare of anything? Will he be pleased?
How will it feel when our bodies become one?
How will it feel, walking on this path with him, Dom and pet?

How did I ever live without this in my life...............

I personally was astounded and amazed by the thought process and level of thought that went into this for her. Most especially, that she was able to verbalize all she was feeling and thinking.  For me, I sometimes have so many things running through my head that by the time I can get one or two down on paper (so to speak) that six other thoughts have already come and gone.  LOL!

This type situation and lifestyle is not for everyone by any means. A lot of people may even wonder how someone could think or be this way. Some other people may be able to totally relate to it and understand where she is coming from. I just thought it was very interesting and and intriguing, and that I would share it as a differing point of view than many people have or are even aware of in this world.