How Do We Do this?

How do we do this?

By that I mean, how does a couple go about having and moving forward with a BDSM or D/s relationship?  My previous submissive (L) told me when we first started that she had done a lot of reading a research.  A lot of what is on the WWW to be found and read is pretty hardcore, I must admit.  even a lot of what you may read in blogs on this site may appear that way.  So, how does a new submissive that is just starting out not get overwhelmed and scared to death when researching and learning about the lifestyle?  How does she not run away and hide at the thought of reading about other submissive's expereinces, and her thought of taking things from fantasy to reality?

"L" told me that she knew this is who she was (being a submissive), but a lot of what she read about scared the hell out of her.  She just didn't know if she could do all of this.  My answer to her was simple, and I think it is something that should be understood by all subs and prospective subs...

"We can make this whatever we want it to be.  We can do what works best for the two of us"

I think this is very important, and I feel that other true Dominants will agree.  Just because you read about it, and see what others are doing, doesn't mean that you have to do it, or do it that way.  I believe that you can learn about the basic pronciples of this lifestyle, but an individual relationship is molded by the two people involved and constructed based on what works best for the two of them.  A good Dom will not push his sub too far too fast, or make her do things she is totally against.  He must always make adjustments as he goes in doing what is best for his sub, mentally and emotionally.  Yet, he must also push her limits to be able to take her farther and enable her to progress and to grow. 

Two people can take this lifetstyle and make it into whatever they like.  It doesn't say anywhere that this has to be done a specific way.  There is no rule book that says follow steps 1 through 5...or else.  Everyone likes different things and is into different things and manners in which they do them.  This is where complete and open communication comes into play.  You have to be able to share with each other and express yourself.  If you don't or can't, then I can promise you that trouble is on the horizon. 

So my advice is to read, research, and read and research some more.  Yet, don't be put off by all you read and find.  You will discover everything from vanilla couples that like to role play every once in a while, to completely hardcore 24/7 relationships.  There is nothing wrong with taking tidbits from here and there and customizing the relationship into what both involved people need it to be.  After all, if it's not what you want or need, then what is the point?  Custom blend your relationship to be what you need, but keep an open mind to all the other possiblities.