November 29, 2014

The Time And Effort She Deserves...

There are a lot of different facets to this lifestyle.  There are many ways to go about carrying out the power exchange dynamics we all enjoy, and none of them are wrong.  We all go about doing things a little different and in ways that work best for us and our relationships.  Yet, there are some similarities across all of the dynamics in how a Dominant needs to conduct himself.  There are certain behaviors that I see as being mandatory and not up for discussion.

Anyone can cause pain and create marks on someone else.  Anyone can be aggressive and controlling.  Anyone can spend a little time in a scene with someone and push their limits.  The pain will go away.  The bruises will go away.  The marks will eventually fade and go away.  As a Dominant, it's the way you treat your submissive outside of these times that will stay with her and will last.

A Dominant has to give his submissive care and support throughout their relationship.  He has to offer reassurance and encouragement.  He has to make her feel appreciated for her submission, what she is willing to endure for him, and even as the woman she is in being his partner.  This sin't something that is only part of a scene together.  It has to be part of the entire relationship, every single day.  It is this being there for her, and helping support her in being who she is for you, that will last and stick in her mind.  It is being treated like she is important and that you care that will stay with her most.

It never ceases to amaze me how so many "Dominants" think being Dominant is just about the scene, using her sexually, or making her suffer pain.  They just want the action and fun and then are on their way.  They don't understand aftercare and the importance of it.  They don't understand continual ongoing care and the importance of it.  They don't understand that it's the time between your scenes that are most important.  This time is what helps her process what happened, gives her constant reassurance, and makes her want and need more from you.

A Dominant cannot just be  part of the scene and then disappear or not put forth any effort.  It's this effort that solidifies and reinforces who she is and what she gives.  She cannot be left floundering on her own to deal with everything.  As a Dominant, you have asked for her submission and she has given it to you, so you have to be willing and able to take her on.  Her submission is not just about the actual physical acts, but helping her learn and grow in addition to that as well.  If left to herself she will not be getting what she needs from you.  She will withdraw.  She will lose trust in you as her Dominant.  She will lose respect for you as her Dominant.  Ultimately this will mean you lose her submission to you.  Once this happens, it will be very difficult to regain, if not impossible.

A power exchange relationship, of whatever dynamic you choose, is a constant ongoing process and exchange.  It's not just for the fun aspects and when it's convenient.  When you invest yourself and your time into your partner, you can find more than you ever dreamed and get more from your partner than you ever knew you could have.  If you don't give the time and effort, you are doomed to fail.  She is worth and deserves that effort from you as her Dominant.  Don't be that guy that just uses her for your own enjoyment and pushes her aside.  Be the Dominant she needs all the time.  I promise you will get more in return than you ever imagined, and it will continue to only get better.

~DV~

7 comments:

Awkward Frog Blue said...

Love every word of this!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post DV
jrsgirl

Misty said...

I agree.

The day-to-day is my cake and scenes are icing. I don't eat icing without cake, it's just too much and upsets my stomach. However, with cake the icing OH-SO-yummy--sometimes I feel like I could swim in a pool of icing because my cake is so big. ;)

Jewels G said...

This is exactly the type of relationship that I dream of. Thank you for taking the time to write it. Much gratitude for it,

Jewels

LM said...

I can't believe i am able to type this (i still have to pinch myself sometimes!) but THIS, this is exactly how my Sir is with me.
and i couldn't feel more blessed. :)

sub hub in phx said...

Wonderful.. Thank you!

Pearl Necklace said...

The second to the last paragraph is absolutely spot on. "Floundering" that is the exact word I used, the exact word I felt, when I perceived being on my own in this.

My Man read this post for me recently. It really made an impact on us both. You did a great job with this! Thanks!!

XOXO Pearl