June 27, 2011

A Place To Truly Call Home

The way she lays her body upon me…

gives herself to me…

mind, body, and soul...

worships me…

respects and trusts me with every ounce of her being...

reliance in me to know best in all circumstances...

without demand and without force…

a willingness to be everything to me and devote all she is and can be for the betterment of “us”…

knowing she will get all of that and more in what she receives in return…

care, adoration, comfort, security...

guidance, leadership, insight...

a peace in my words...

a peace in my intentions...

a peace in the touch of my hands upon what is mine...

a strong foundation as the cornerstone of  everything she is and knows...

a foundation on which together we build this house called "us" and "this"...

a house to truly call home...

that is beauty…

that is perfection…



June 25, 2011

Absence Makes The Heart...

There are times when we have to spend time apart from the one we love and care about.  Times we have to spend apart from our partner, whether that's your wife, husband, boy/girlfriend, significant other, or whatever the case may be. No one likes time apart, but it can be a good thing for your relationship in the long run.

There is an old saying we all know...absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I don't necessarily buy into that thought process.  I do buy into a variation of it.  I think absence makes us realize what's important to us and how we feel about it.  It can confirm what you have been thinking, or enlighten areas where you have had some uncertainty.  Absence gives you time to think and mull over your thoughts and feelings about someone.  A chance to figure out just how important that person is to you.

This time apart can work in either direction.  It can bring two people together, or it can drive them apart.  If you have been having doubts about your relationship, some time apart will tell you a lot.  It will let you see how you are and feel without them around.  It will let you see if you really do miss them...if you really do need them.  Some separation may let you know that it is time to move on...that the feelings aren't there after all.  Yet, in a solid relationship, it can show you just how important that person is to you.  You may know, or at least think, you love and need someone.  Spending some time apart will tell you for sure.  It can solidify your feelings and let you know just how much you really do love them and want them in your life.  You can feel sad and lonely, and feel the need to have them near.  Yearning to have them back by your side. 

None of us want to be apart from those we care about.  But inevitably, it will happen from time to time, due to jobs, vacations, family commitments, and so on.  Try not to look at it as a bad thing.  When you miss that person terribly, look at it as a confirmation of your feelings.  Absence is letting you know just where you stand.  This is something you wouldn't have been able to know and experience otherwise.  Make it a learning experience and grow from it.  And by all means, share with your loved one just how much you miss and need them.  If you are feeling it, then they probably are as well.  And who doesn't like to know they are needed and missed.

Absence may not make you love or care for a person more, but it can make you realize just how much they do mean to you.   Having to experience this can make you stronger...make your bond stronger.  And after all...growing closer with the one you love is what we are all after anyway.  So make the best of a situation like this, and turn it into something positive to grow upon.

June 24, 2011

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

I hope you have all had a good week!  Mine has been good!  We have made it to Friday...FINALLY!  I don't know about you, but I'm ready for the weekend.  And of course I will give you some great ass pictures to kick things off.  LAst week's winner is to the right. 

Next week on FAF we will begin the mid-year playoffs.  I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to do it, but it will probably be similar to the way the year end was done for 2010, if you were around for that.  For those that weren't here...we will be putting all the weekly winners from this year so far against in each and determining an overall winner over about a three week period. 

Let's move on to this week's pictures.  I hope you enjoy them!  Have a great weekend everyone! 







June 22, 2011

Principles of "The Art Of War" in D/s (Part 2)

In the last post I introduced you to The Art OF War and one of the principles of the book.  In this post, I want to take a look at two more principles that are very similar to each other.

The first principle is:
"To know your enemy, you must become your enemy."

This is followed by:
"It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperilled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperilled in every single battle."

Like this states, I think it is imperative that you know what you are up against, as well as know yourself and your own abilities.  I'm not at all saying that a Dominant and a submissive are enemies in a battle.  There are a couple of things I am saying, though.   

First, I am saying it is imperative that as a Dominant, you know yourself.  You have to be fully aware of your own level of knowledge, and your abilities.  Having a lack of either is nothing to be ashamed of as we all start somewhere.  The point is you don't go into it thinking you know it all.  You have to be willing to accept, admit, and face where you are and then be willing to learn and advance yourself to become better.  A lack of self-awareness and a lack of willingness to learn will always be a downfall.  Staying static or backtracking because of a poor attitude or mindset is detrimental to yourself, as a Dominant, and to your submissive.  You are better off alone, for everyone's sake, if this is where you find yourself.   It will hold you back and keep you from being able to move forward into becoming a better Dominant. 

Second, you must know the other side of the fence from yourself.  As a Dominant, you MUST know your submissive.  Personally, I think that knowing your submissive could very well be more important than knowing yourself.  I think it is vital that you learn the typical traits and tendencies of all submissives.  I think you especially need to learn and know those of your own submissive.  You can't expect to lead her and give her what she needs and deserves if you have no clue what those needs may be.  Every submissive, just as every person and personality, is different.  Everyone has different wants, needs and desires, and each approach to TTWD and the whole D/s dynamic may vary.  Some approaches may be more forceful, while others may be more subtle and gentle.  Just going at it blindly is a horrible idea, and you can't automatically expect her to instantly adjust to your way and style.  A good Dominant needs to be able and willing to adjust to his submissive as well.

As the principle illustrates, knowing yourself and knowing your submissive is a win-win situation, and only good can come from it.  Knowing yourself but not her...well, that's a fifty-fifty shot of getting it right.  When it comes to a relationship, I don't care to base it on odds like that.  And, not knowing yourself or her...that is just plain shooting in the dark.  There is no way something good can come out, in the long run, with that blind approach.

As a Dominant, I feel I owe it not only to myself, but also to my submissive, to be the best I can be.  That involves facing what I know, knowing my limits and shortcomings, and taking steps to better myself.  It also involves knowing my submissive inside and out (no pun intended), and being able to read and understand her.  Knowing what she likes and doesn't, and what her needs are, as well as her deep desires.  I like the odds that come with this scenario, as it gives your relationship a fighting chance to last and survive.  Or, in terms of war tactics...conquering and defeating the odds ensures victory, with the ultimate goal of creating a thriving and glorious long term relationship.

June 21, 2011

Principles of "The Art Of War" in D/s

The Art Of War - written by Sun Tzu.  This book was written somewhere around 600 B.C., and is widely considered one of the foremost books on the strategy of warfare.  It is one of the oldest, if not the oldest, book about strategy in war, yet is still considered to have merit even to this day.

There are a lot of great leaders and military personnel that know and act based upon the principles of this book.  It doesn't matter if you were from the stone ages, where you ran at your opponent and threw rocks, or from the modern era and use satellites, drones and laser guided missiles to attack your enemy...the principles of The Art Of War still apply.  These tactics always have been and probably always will be highly regarded. 

So what does this have to do with a Dom/sub relationship you may ask?  Well...of course you know I'm going to tell you.  Did you really think I was just giving you a history lessen on warfare?!?!

One of the principles of The Art Of War is:  "Lead by example, not by force".  There are a lot of different types of Dominants out there.  Many are very forceful, overbearing, and demanding.  Maybe this works for them, and maybe there are some submissives that want/need this type of approach.  For me...not so much.  I think it is always best to lead by example.  I believe in teaching and showing my submissive.  I believe in being able to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. I can't expect her to willingly follow and give herself to me if she doesn't believe in me and what I am telling her.

If I am to ask her to be totally open and share her thoughts and feelings, I should first do the same.  If I am to ask her to give herself to me, she should be able to see that I am giving and devoting myself to her.  Give her a reason to believe in you.  Let her see that you are following your own advice.  When this is done, she is much more likely to believe in you as a Dominant and a person.  She will be much more hesitant to submit and follow when it is only because you have demanded it of her. Forcing someone to do something may get results, but not the end results you may want.  Leading by example will build trust and respect.  And we all know how important those two elements are in a D/s relationship.

We hear a lot about leading and guiding in TTWD.  This may be rightfully so.   Yet, how you lead and guide, as a Dominant, can make all the difference in the world.  If done the right way for you and your submissive, you can go much further and get there quicker and easier.  The wrong approach can make things much harder and delay the progress both you the Dominant and your submissive can make.  Or worse, it can destroy the relationship altogether.  Show her you care and are invested in your relationship.  Show her you are willing to do what you ask of her.  Lead by example...it will be well worth your time and effort. 

In an attempt to not make this post too long and bore you, I am splitting this into two parts.  In part two of this series on The Art OF War, I will take a look at knowing your enemy and knowing yourself. 

June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day

This is something that transcends all dynamics and kinks! 

It transcends all races and religions!

It transcends all political views and stances.

It's about raising our children to be the best they can be and become contributors to the world.

Congrats to everyone that is a Dad, has the joy of raising children, and can show and teach them all they know and have to offer.

Here is wishing everyone a Happy Father's Day!

June 17, 2011

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Thank God It's Friday!  I don't know about the rest of you, but I for one am glad this week is about over.  And no...not just because we get to see today's pics.  LOL!  Although, that is always a nice way to end the week.  Last week's winner is on the right.  I can't argue with that picture winning.  It is rather...ummm...NICE!

Looking at my list, I have over 200 followers, and who knows how many lurkers that visit my blog.  I get approx 400 visitors a day, and 12,000 per month.  (yes I know many are repeats)  Yet, I only get about 20-25 votes per week on FAF.  So I ask, all those that are regulars, or happen to stop by, please vote and choose your favorite picture/ass each week.  As they used to say on MTV during election time...let's "Rock the Vote". 

Enjoy the pictures this week.  I hope everyone has a great weekend!  May you all get to be a spanker or a spankee with your most favorite ass of all!







June 16, 2011

Formspring Comment

I received this on Formspring a couple of weeks ago, apparently.  I usually get an email notification when someone has sent me something on Formspring, but I didn't on this one, and just now found it.  I really do appreciate this comment, so I wanted to post it and respond to the sender.

The comment is:

 "I don't have a question, but just feel the need to tell you what a beautiful writer you are. You clearly give lots of thought to the words before you put pen to paper (so to speak). In this virtual world of horrible writers, and even worse spellers, I thank you for being a bright spot in my day. You give me a lot to think about as I embark on my new journey. My sincere thanks... your writing moves me."

Wow!  I didn't realize Fantastic Ass Friday made people so emotional.  LOL!  Ok, in all seriousness... Thank you so much for this wonderfully nice and sincere comment.  It is receiving feedback like this that seems to make it worthwhile posting my thoughts for all to see.  I do try my best to write grammatically correct (or at least within my style), and I do check my spelling before posting.  I won't say that it is A-One perfect every time, but I do try my best on that part.

I do give thought to what I write.  I'm not one that wants or likes to write just for the sake of writing.  For me personally, that is not enjoyable.  Yet, when I get a thought or an idea, I do love to be able to take it and make some sense out of it in a post.  Many times I think it helps me to write these thoughts down, and helps me learn more as a person and a Dominant by being able to share my thoughts.  Most importantly, it means so much to know that what I write, how I write it, and my views and opinions mean so much to someone.  To know that I can move and affect someone with my writing...well, I am most honored and humbled.   

I hope I don't disappoint and I can continue to deliver posts that are up to the level and standards you all expect from me.  I appreciate the thoughts and comments of all those that read my blog, whether you are anonymous or have an account.  Thank you all and I appreciate all your support!


June 15, 2011

"I Won't Let Go"

So much of what we all read about, write about, think about, etc... revolves around the dynamic of TTWD.  It has to do with the inner workings of whatever dynamic you may be involved in, and how that affects your play and daily life.  Yet, daily life sometimes can creep in and create issues.  Oh hell...who am I kidding?!?!  Sometimes daily life doesn't creep, it runs at us full speed and blindsides us, like a Linebacker coming from the weak side and absolutely leveling an unsuspecting Quarterback.  You know the kind of hit I'm talking about...the one where you wonder how the Quarterback could even still be alive, no less get up and keep playing. 

It can happen to us all.  That's just the way life is.  It is unrelenting, vicious, and happens out of the blue.  This is when the acumen of a Dominant is seen with clarity by his submissive.  When she is down and facing life obstacles and misfortunes...this is when A dominant needs to step up and be a real man.  I'm not speaking about a man of the Dominant persuasion.  He needs to be able to shed his Dominant cape when the situation calls for it.  He needs to become a mortal man and be there for his submissive.  He needs to be her best friend, her shoulder, her counselor, and be there for her in any way she may require.  He needs to offer her all the comfort and support he has, and then some.  He needs to be her rock and her foundation. She will see this and will take notice.  How a Dom behaves during these tough times, in her eyes, will define the kind of man he really is.

I have been told before... "Don't worry about my problems.  I don't mean to unload on you and bring you down with my weight."  You know what I say to this?  Hogwash!!!  When she is happy...I am happy.  When she is sad...I am sad for her.  What makes her happy...I enjoy.  What causes her grief...I want to destroy.  Her problems are my problems and together we face and deal with them.  A good Dominant will be fully invested in his submissive.  From the good, to the bad, to the otherwise.  If it affects her, then it affects him.  He isn't there just for the fun and play moments.  He should be there for every moment.  He should be willing to ride the waves of life with her, whether it is going up one side, or coming back down the other side. In the end this will bring you closer and strengthen the binds between you. 

I heard a song today that made me think of this very thing.  It's about being there for your partner.  It's about offering comfort and stability.  It's about letting them know you are there for them no matter what.  It's letting them know that their fight is also your fight, and you will be there for them no matter what.  These lyrics (chorus and refrain listed) are so strong to me, and are words I live by:

Rascal Flatts - I Won't Let Go

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight

And I won't let you fall

Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
you're gonna make it
Yeah I know you can make it

Always be strong for her.  Always be there for her when she needs it most.  Be willing to give of yourself in every way possible.  Be willing to hold, comfort, and support her likes she needs and most definitely deserves.  And remember..someday you just may need it yourself.

June 12, 2011

Respectfully Disagreeing (I think?!?!)

I read a post yesterday, and it has had me perplexed.  I can't quite put my finger on what it is about the post and explain what I'm thinking.  So, I'm hoping putting into words on here will help.  The post was written by a Dominant blogger that I respect very much.  The great thing about we Dominants is that many of us are on the same page and respect each others approach and views, yet we can all be a bit different at the same time.  The Dom writes great thought provoking posts that many times really makes me sit back and think.  That is a great thing, as I relish being made to think about different and new angles on topics.  This post did that more than most.  The post is Being One and was written by Sir J on A Dominant Character

The main point in his post, as I read and understand it, is that having a partner isn't about that person making you complete.  They don't complete you.  They don't make you whole.  Sir J surmises that you complete yourself and be able to enjoy yourself alone, and then you decide to make room for others in your life.  I am having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around this...which brings me to where I am at this moment.  I am going to something I rarely do with anything Sir J writes.  I am going to respectfully disagree.

I do think you have to be happy with yourself.  A person needs to understand and know themselves intimately.  They do need to be able to enjoy time alone and not be constantly dependent upon other people, or another person.    You can't be a miserable person and not like yourself, and then expect someone else to come along and make it all better.  If you can't even like yourself, and are a miserable person with who you are, then how in the hell can you expect to be able to make anyone else happy.  We all have our flaws and things about ourselves.  That is only natural for us all.  But I am talking about our deep inner psyche and how we see ourselves as a person.  You have to look at that inner self in the mirror and either like who you are or be willing to take the steps to change to who you want to be to get to a place where you do like who you are.  This isn't something you can expect anyone else to do for you.

Now we get to the point where I disagree with Sir J.  Maybe another person doesn't complete you.  Maybe they don't make you whole, as Sir J indicates.  But, they can sure make you feel that way.  With the right partner, everything can feel different.  Things change.  You as a person change.  I think it's the chemistry and connection between two people that cause this change.  Another person, or partner, can make you see things differently than you can do by yourself.  They can open you up and make you face situations that you wouldn't do on your own, or even think about needing to do on your own.  That special person can take you places you never dreamed of on your own.  The right partner can make you see things differently and make you a better person for it.  The right partner can take your inner happiness to a whole new level.

I came across this quote that made me really think about my thoughts versus what I think Sit J is saying:

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung
 I think this quote is true.  Especially when it comes to the chemistry of love and attraction between two people.  You have to be happy with and about yourself as a person.  Yet, when you meet the right partner, the two of you will be able to transform into something bigger and better.  The meshing and reacting of the two of you, as two separate chemical substances, can end up being one chemical substance that works better as a unit.  Each still have their individuality within the reaction, but together they become a much stronger substance.  The biggest difference in chemicals and personalities and psyches is that if this joining of substances happens to end, you should be able to move ahead as a better person for learning from the experience.  A chemical just goes back to being that chemical.

Don't just be a chemical substance.  Be happy with yourself and be happy with your partner.  Allow yourself to open up, learn, and grow because of each other.  Take what you learn and become better for it.  Don't learn nothing and just be a stagnant substance that will never be more than the chemical state that it is.  Transform!  Become better!  Become stronger!  Be a partnership.  You don't have to totally rely on others for your happiness.  Maybe your partner doesn't complete you.  But...they can and will make you a better person and take you places you couldn't go on your own.  Maybe it's not that I disagree with Sir J's position...I just have a different view of it!

(I still love you Sir J) 

June 10, 2011

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Welcome to another edition of FAF.  I know you have been waiting all week for Friday to get here, just so you can see the pictures I have chosen for the week.  Well, ok..maybe not.  But at least I will give you something to get your weekend started.  Last week's winner is posted to the right. 

One thing I am curious about is couples.  I know quite a few people stop by each week to see the pics (and hopefully vote).  I have heard from some couples before that like to check FAF out together.  So...you couples that enjoy FAF together, I would love to have a comment from you.  Whether you have an account on here, or anonymous, it doesn't matter.  I am just interested to see how many couples enjoy this together and why.  So please fill my comments if you are a couple and check in to let me know you are out there. 

This week I'm going to go with a more artistic flare.  I hope you enjoy the choices.  Here's to everyone having a great weekend!  Take care and be safe!







June 7, 2011

Music Of My Soul

I wrote a post a few days ago titled "United As One".  When I wrote it, I...well, just kind of wrote it.  It happens to me that way sometimes.  Thoughts, words, ideas, etc... just sort of come to mind and I pour them out onto paper, or the web as the case may be.  This post was one such writing.  I wrote it with the photograph in mind that was embedded with the post.  It came across as from the female mindset and how she is thinking and what she is feeling.

One of the comments I received in reference to "United As One" was from greengirl.  Her comment was..."But what does he think?"  By this she meant...what does the Dominant think and how does he feel about her?  I wrote about the submissive, but greengirl, along with others I'm sure, would like the view from the Dominant side.  I'll give you a little insight.

I think in a great D/s relationship a Dominant feels extremely special.  A Dominant can feel more himself and more of a complete person with the right woman/submissive by his side.  It has nothing to do with ego, yet she can make him feel like royalty...like a King.  (no offense or disrespect to anyone in a country that has royalty)  Because of her he laughs, and smiles, and feels peace, like he does with no one else.  Just as he does for her, she makes him feel happy, content, and free.  She allows him to be all he needs to be, and she embraces that with all she has.  He is not held back or required to be reserved with her.  He is free to be all the man he needs to be, and does so with support and encouragement.  That will make any man happy and content.  Their common need feeds each other.  A Dominant will feed off the needs and desires of his submissive, and will push himself to be even more than he is already.  He feels pride and satisfaction in himself and his submissive.

He needs her just as she needs him.  It is a true partnership.  You can't do the tango alone...you need your partner.  Ok, maybe you can but it would look pretty odd.  LOL!  (And for the record...DV can't dance one bit lol)  I wrote a post with a picture on my tumblr blog a little while back.  This post accurately describes how I feel and my needs.  It is as follows:

"You are the music that beats with the rhythm of my heart.  Music that is in perfect tune and harmony.  You are the music that makes my love come alive and dance.  Music that picks my feet up and allows me to never miss a step.  Without you, all is deathly still and quiet.  With you is like the most beautiful symphony.  You are the music of my soul."


June 6, 2011

Begin Again (Making Tough Choices)

Life is full of tough choices.  Sometimes life runs smoothly and all seems well.  Other times life has a lot of bumps in the road you must navigate through.  It seems that there are a lot of times no matter what choice you make you are taking the wrong path.  It is these times that make and define who you are as a person...or at least who we turn out to be.  The defining of who you are may not be in making the choice itself, but in the consequences of making the choice and where that choice leads you. 

When it comes to relationships, there are many hard choices that you have to make.  Nothing to do with a relationship is easy.  It's hard work.  It takes time and effort.  The rewards of the efforts can be tremendously satisfying and joyful.  But what if the rewards aren't great?  What if all your time and effort gets you nowhere?  What if your time and effort leads you down a dead end road?  What if your relationship makes you less and less satisfied and and more and more miserable no matter how much time and effort you put into it?

If you are in this type of situation, then you have some huge choices to make.  Basically, there are two options for you.  First, you can choose to stay in your comfort zone where you feel somewhat safe, even though you know you will never be happy.  Second, you can choose to pick up your tent and move on, with the hope that you can find and have the happiness you deserve and desire.  Neither choice is easy.  No one likes to get outside of their comfort zone,  yet no one likes the thought of having to start all over either.  However...there are times when a fresh start and getting out from under all the pressures of a dead end situation is worth more than anything.  Sometimes it is great to be able to look forward and see light instead of staring into a darkness that never ends.  IT can be a chance to...Begin Again!

Beginning again is never easy, and it is never this cut and dry.  There are always many other factors that figure into these decisions.  There are finances, property, kids, jobs, homes, etc...  There are other things and other people to worry about than just your own reasoning.  I know this first hand.  I have been there.  I have done that.  I knew it was right for me, and I did it.  I picked up and moved on.  IT was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.  I hurt some people along the way and caused a lot of grief.  Yet in the long run, and looking back now, it was the right decision.  Those I hurt will tell you it was the right decision, even though they couldn't see it at the time. 

That is what you hope and wish for everyone.  That your decision is truly what is best for everyone.  Even though it may cause giant ripples in the water now, you hope it turns into smooth water with a great sunset and a pristine view.  So do you stay where you are comfortable and stable, yet completely unhappy, or do you make the choice to move along hoping for the pristine view and potential happiness ever after?  Only you can make that decision.  Only you can decide which choice is right for you.  Unfortunately, there is no way to know ahead of time what is best.  After the fact you can Monday Morning Quarterback the situation until you are blue in the face.  All you can do is what you think is best for the long term and will make you the happiest.  Sometimes, the best thing to do is...Begin Again!

(FYI - before you ask, this is not about me directly, or about my current relationship.  It is something on my mind and I thought I'd share.  I'm no different than anyone, and have had and will continue to have some huge decisions in my life.  Decisions that will shape the future, and will shape me into the person I am to become.  Just some thing to think about and ponder)

June 3, 2011

United As One

His touch...his caress...gentle but firm...controlling but not overbearing.  This is what she craves.  This is what she needs.  No one has ever made her feel more safe.  No one has ever shown her such care.  She has never felt more love.  When she receives nothing but a look, she can feel it.  Yet, his touch upon her skin soothes and calms her...it sends waves of serene bliss through her body. 

In him she finds all she has ever dreamed.  She is his unconditionally, and has never been so sure about anything else.  She knows...she believes...she trusts...she has faith...in all that he is and ever will be for her.  She gives him her all...mind, body and soul.  She can feel how much he cares for her, and that brings a warmth across her body as though he was breathing himself into her.  She opens the door to her heart and mind, setting it before him like and offering.  In return she is able to reach a higher level of consciousness...understanding...security...fulfillment.

She has found her place...cradled in his hands and arms.  There is no place she would rather be...now or from here forward.  Here she knows how much she is appreciated, respected, admired and adored.  Here in this moment, all that she is and needs to be for him...all of her commitment and devotion while feeling his in return...is consummated with lips upon lips as two become united as one.


Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Welcome to the first FAF of June 2011.  I hope everyone has had a good week.  For most of us here in the U.S. it has been a short holiday week.  That makes things kind of nice.  I could get used to that.  Anyway...last week's winner is posted to the right.  This week I have a theme for you.  I think you'll be able to figure it out easily when you take a look at the pictures. 

I hope you all enjoy, and I look forward to seeing which picture is your favorite.  Have a great weekend everybody! 







June 1, 2011

The Gift Of Power

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
~ Abraham Lincoln

I know when this was spoken, Abraham Lincoln didn't have a bit more intention of it being used in a D/s context than if he could flap his arms and fly to the moon.   For that matter, he may not have even known what D/s is.  Nonetheless, here we are in today's society and I'm going to use his quote.  As far as our lifestyle goes, this is a great quote and says a lot about a Dominant man.

Several of the blogs I follow are written by a submissive...and ones who are looking for just the right Dominant partner.  They tend to know what they want and don't want in a partner.  They do want him to be like this, and they don't want him to be like that.  This is something I don't blame them for one single iota.  They know who they are and what they want and need.  They are picky, and they should be.  They have every right to be.  And let's face it...there are a lot of creeps and guys out there that think they can be Dominant.  It looks fun to them, so they want to give it a go.  In all honesty, that's scary.

I read these blogs, and I receive emails.  I have given my opinion and offered my advice.  (which is worth what they paid for it lol)  I have interacted with a number of women over the years about this very thing.  What a submissive woman has to give is a gift...the gift of herself.  The man she chooses to partner with needs to be worthy of this gift.  He needs to be able to handle the responsibility of it.  He needs to be able to handle the pressure that is such a part of being a Dominant.  He needs to know himself inside and out.  He needs to know how to handle adversity as well as the laid back and easy times.  He needs to be able to think logically in all situations.  He needs to be able to express and share his emotions.  He needs to be able read and understand his partner, and then take the appropriate action.  He needs to be able and willing to love and care like there is no tomorrow.  He needs to be able to learn and grow, and understand that he doesn't know everything.

That one word..."POWER"!  It sounds strong.  It sounds meaningful.  Yet, it needs to be backed up with competency, skill, influence, and capability.  Power contains potential...potential to reach a goal and keep moving forward.  This is done through leadership, management, direction, and guidance. A man cannot demand power.  He cannot demand to be in charge.  If he does, then he will never be effective.  He will never have the best outcome.  Most importantly, he will never have respect of those he is attempting to place himself over.

A man should command respect and power by his actions.  He should lead by example.  He should show strength and fortitude to those around him.  He should be willing to share his knowledge and expertise for the benefit and growth of others.  He should be willing to admit his own faults, be aware of them, and make adjustments as necessary.  He should be willing to admit his own limitations and try to grow beyond them.  His desire to lead in this capacity should be self-evident, not self-prescribed.  A man with true power will never ask for it...it will be given to him out of respect and admiration.  He will never abuse this power and never ask more of others than he is wiling to do himself.

Maybe Mr Lincoln's quote should be tweaked a bit.  Or maybe I'll tweak it a bit for the purpose of this post.  I think it needs to be..."The true character of a man will deem whether he obtains power."  In the case of D/s, this power will be given to him in the form of submission.  A submissive will give him the gift of herself.  She will give him the gift of power.  She will only give it to the man that is deserving of such a gift.  Certainly not the one that demands the gift.  Only then will she be comfortable in her choice and be able to fully let go and be herself at the feet of the one she has chosen.