March 31, 2013

The Ebb And Flow Of Dominance

The ebb and flow!  The coming and going!  Back and forth!  From here to there and back again!  The mind and our personalities are a funny thing.  One day we can be in particular head space, and the next day be totally different.  For some people, it's not even day to day that this occurs, but maybe even hour to hour, or minute to minute.  No, I'm not talking about the mood of women and them changing without a moments notice.  I'm talking about the mindset and needs of the Dominant!

We all have moods we cycle through depending on what's going on in our lives.  I am no exception, and the
needs of my Dominance change as well.  There are days when I feel very sensual and passionate.  I want to be softer and more caressing.  I want to kiss gently and rub her cheek softly.  I want to enjoy the elegant and sensuous curves that make my submissive the woman she is and trail my fingertips along every single part of her.  I want to explore her and enjoy all she is.  I want to tease and heighten her senses to the touch and make her want more.  I want her to feel loved and cared for and feel that side of me.  To know that it's there and that it is part of what she gets from me.

In contrast, there are days when I feel very Dominant and feel the need to expose and show that side of myself.  I feel the need to be rough and forceful.  To show my Dominance in its fullest.  I want handfuls of hair.  I want to dig my fingers into her.  I want to leave marks upon her flesh.  I want to bind her and have my way with her.  I want to take what's mine and remind her who she belongs to.  I may even do it just because I can.  I want to make her scream and gasp in a combination of pain and pleasure and feel her submit to what I feel the need to do to her.  I need her to feel my Dominance and have no doubt as to who is in control and in charge.

The beauty of having a D/s or bdsm relationship with the right partner is that she understands this side of me. She understands the multiple layers of needs that reside within me.  She understands and needs for herself the different levels and ways I express my Dominance.  She needs both the gentle and soft side of me, as well as the forceful and controlling side.  I even believe that both of us need the ebb and flow of both sides of Dominance and submission.  We need and crave both.  We feel a bit incomplete in just having constant forceful Dominance, and lacking the care and love.  We feel less whole in having just the soft caresses and care, and no overt control and Dominance.

Each of us needs the ebbs and flows of what we have in our relationship.  It's what gives us the chance to have the complete relationship that contains all the aspects of D/s that we each need.  It's not just the women that have these mood changes and swings.  We men have them as well, and in the Dominant they can manifest in our needs and desires with our submissive.  The key is understanding these natural swings and making it fit within your relationship and what both the Dominant and the submissive need from each other.  The mixture of soft and course can make what you have more complete and better for you both, and strengthen the overall bonds you have together.

March 29, 2013

"50 Shades" Question (Blog Takeover)

As part of the Dauntless Journey Bog Takeover, I received the following question from G.B. Miller:

Hmmm...I am curious, being a lurker a few blogs (including yours) of the BDSM lifestyle, what your opinion is/was of the "50 Shades of Gray" trilogy?

I guess we all have our own personal views of how we feel about the "50 Shades" books.  I think there is both god and bad in the books popularity.  Firs let me start with the bad, at least as I see it.  Since the book went mainstream, and most of the people reading it have no clue about bdsm, I think they tend to see the dynamic in the book and think that's how this is.  Granted for some people it is like the book.  Yet, there are so many variations on TTWD, none of them right or wrong, that the mainstream public is only seeing a very small sampling of this lifestyle.  I think their view is a bit twisted and lop-sided, and the books didn't paint the beauty this can be in a very good light.

Having said that, I think there is some upside to the books as well.  The books getting so much attention and going mainstream, got bdsm into more of the mainstream society.  The books brought what was once seen as an underground lifestyle and something somewhat taboo out more into the public eye.  It gave our little niche of relationship dynamics and needs some exposure.  Exposure to a lot of people that wouldn't have been exposed otherwise.  I think it opened the eyes of a lot of people and made bdsm seem not quite so bad, thereby encouraging them to look into this more and not feel as though they have to hide from their desires for this.  That certainly is not a bad thing, and those that are truly interested will delve deeper into this, research, maybe even read some of our blogs, and learn more about what all this does or can entail.

I know that most people in the bdsm lifestyle hated the books and how it represented us.  That part has some truth.  Yet, there was also some good that came out of it.  Not specifically from the books themselves, but as a side benefit of the exposure this brought about.  So for me, the books are a love hate relationship.  I can't say tat I lean more to one side or the other, but at least I can e open minded enough to see both sides.


March 23, 2013

Blog Takeover

Back in September of 2011 I did a Blog Takeover.  I think it's time to bring it back and do it again.  I'm going to let you all take over my blog.  Ok...not totally.  Did you really think I would give up control?!?!  Even of my blog?!?!  NO WAY!!!  However, I am looking for your input.  Yes, from all of you out there that follow, read, lurk, and hide in the shadows.  This is a chance for anyone and everyone to join in, and still hide in the shadows if you prefer.  

I am going to accept questions to answer.  I'm going to take suggestions.  I'm going to accept topics and subjects on which to write.  All suggested by you.  So if it is on your mind, in your thoughts, something you have wondered about, etc... then send it on in.  Whatever the subject or topic, feel free to let me know.  I can't promise I will answer or write on everything that may be submitted, but I will do what I can. 

I will also take submissions for guest posts, for you to express your thoughts, feelings and opinions.  Whether you are already a writer/blogger, or have no experience whatsoever, feel free to submit a guest post.  Please submit all guest posts via email.  All personal information will be kept strictly confidential, unless you direct otherwise. 

There are several ways you can submit something to me:

1) Leave it in the comments section of this post.
2) Email it to me directly. (
3) You can use the ASK Box on my Tumblr page. (

When submitting, please make sure I know your submission is part of this request.  Feel free to submit as Anonymous if you like.  I won't publish any identities if you request I keep them to myself.  No personal or private information will be shared or posted without full authorized consent.  If you don't indicate for me to give you credit, then I will post as anonymous to protect identities.  

So bring it on!  Put them on me!  Let me hear what you have to say or want to know.  I'm hoping this will be a good way for us all to be open and communicate, both with what I say in response and with the follow-up comments from my readers.  I do love an open exchange from everyone.  No question is dumb or stupid...if you don't know something but want to, all you have to do is ask.  We are all here to learn.  Seasoned veterans in the lifestyle, or new to the doesn't matter.  

I look forward to hearing from you all, and seeing what is on your mind and what you would like to know.


March 16, 2013

Settle For Nothing Less...

This says what's been on my mind lately.  Sometimes so many things run through my head about this lifestyle and D/s, yet I just can't seem to formulate them into one complete post.  My thoughts can jump here and there and be all over the place.  But this pretty much says it all!  This says how I feel and see this and what I think it should encompass and be.