March 2, 2016

No Clear Line (Q&A)...

The following questions were submitted by Misty for March Q&A.

1. Where's the line between an asshole and a dominant? Because, you know, when viewing from the outside that line may not be so clear.

I think this is a little bit subjective and in the eye of the beholder.  What one person sees as an asshole, another may see as a normal Dominant.  What one person sees as overbearing, another person may see as just what they need.  I don't know that I can adequately describe this.  Personally, I think there is a difference in being Dominant and being Domineering.  There is a difference in throwing around control and power because you feel you can, versus having that control and power and knowing how and when to use it.

Being Dominant is about being a good leader.  It's about being someone that is worth following and receiving submission.  It's about earning trust and respect.  It's about pushing and testing but staying within limits and boundaries.  Being Dominant is more about having self-control and staying in control than constantly wielding your imaginary Dominant sword.  It's about being worthy of having a sub kneel at your feet ready and needing to serve of her own desire because you have earned that place with her, as opposed to requiring or demanding it.  At least these are my own personal views, but that may be different for everyone.  There is no clear line as to what this may be, and it may be different for everyone.  You just have to find what works best for those involved.

2. Do you think it's important, or helpful in any way, to be part of a community--going to munches and such?

I do think it can be helpful to get to know others in your local community that are also into this lifestyle.  Many people can feel alone and like they are on an island unto themselves in this.  Having the vast expanse of the internet has helped link people together from all over the world, but actually meeting people close by, in the flesh, and developing actual friendships with like minded people is never a bad thing.  Most groups that I have seen are very laid back, casual, and open to people joining them.  Munches are a great way to start since they are in a casual and fairly vanilla atmosphere.  It give you a chance to meet people, talk about normal things as well as a little kink, and get a feel for others in this lifestyle.  IT's always interesting to me to meet other people into this and see how they go about their D/s and bdsm relationships.  So yes, I do think this can be helpful and a good thing to do.

3. If you had two weeks with the slave, no interruptions and a great supply of money, where would you go? What would you do? The sky is the limit. Don't be shy, give us some juicy details. ;)

Ummm... there are way to many options and not enough time to even touch this one.  But I can promise there would be a lot of debauchery going on.  :)

March 1, 2016

Q&A With DV

Apparently it's question and answer month.  So, to stay in the spirit of everything, and to try to get back on here more and be more engaged with my blog (yes, I've been shamed for not posting much), I will be participating.

Any time during the month of March, feel free to send your questions to me and I will be happy to answer as truthfully and openly as I possibly can.  Of course if it gets too personal or violates some sort of privacy then I likely will decline to answer. Otherwise, if you send the questions then I will post them along with my responses.  You can feel free to ask questions as a comment here or email me directly.

You ask... DV will answer.  I look forward to what you all want to know!


February 28, 2016

Paving The Path (Struggles and Growth)...

Things have changed over the past year.  They have gotten better in a way and stayed stagnant in another.  Coming out of a not so great marriage and needing a fresh start, my slave moved here to be with me last summer.  Not in the same house, but locally where she has her own place for her and her daughter.  It has been wonderful having her here so nearby, but it hasn't come with it's challenges.

There were some issues with her daughter and not adjusting well to the move.  We got past that and she is doing great now.  There were some issues with the first job she found here and it was a badly managed business which caused ungodly amounts of stress.  Now on job number 2, and it's better but still not quite what she would love to be doing.  She has had her own adjustments in being away from her family and friends.  Then there is the problem of us not being able to be together as much as either of us would like, even though it's much more than we had before.

That last one, the lack of time together, that one has a lot to do with me and my side of things.  As many of you know, I am married but at this point it's out of convenience.  Although I'm really beginning to see that it's not very convenient.  We have stayed together for our daughter.  We grew apart long ago, but still get along well enough.  We each have our own outside relationships, but we are at a point we each are wanting more than we can have.  We all get along and even hang out together (yes the four of us in our own convoluted messed up relationships).  It's great we all get along and makes life easier.  Yet, I still have obligations at home that keep me here and keep me from being with the slave I want to be with on a more constant basis.  It's hard for us both, but hopefully change in that arena is on the horizon.

With all the potential issues, roadblocks, and obstacles, we have still managed to grow closer.  It would seem as though we have grown closer by leaps and bounds.  We have become more of the Master and slave we desire to be.  We have felt the depth of what we have intensifying.  She has become more slave than she ever thought she would be.  She has become more emotionally attached (me too for that matter) than she ever has been before.  I am so very proud of her for the progress she has made and seeing her grow this way.  Becoming the woman she needs to be for herself and for me.  Seeing how far she has come fills me with pride.
Yet all that progress and growth and becoming closer creates its own issue.  It's makes us want this and to be together that much more.  It makes us want to be Master and slave that much more.  It makes not being together that much harder.  But like everything else, together we will get through it.  We will work on it together and come out the other side stronger and better for it.  If anything, it has allowed us to see just how much we do want and need this dynamic and with each other.

I have always said that the one thing I haven't done in this lifestyle but want more than anything is to be able to have a 24/7 relationship.  To be able to live it day in and day out with someone.  I'm sure that will bring upon its own set of issues, but those are things that we both eagerly welcome.  It will change.  We will have what we want.  Sooner rather than later.  We will get there and have it.  We have been paving the way, and together we will embark on this "Dauntless Journey" together.

November 27, 2015

Being Thankful and Giving Back...

I exchanged an email with my slave yesterday about the things I am thankful for in having her as mine.  Granted it was a bit on the naughty side and had pictures from Tumblr attached to it, but there was some seriousness to it as well.  I am very thankful for her, for all she is to me, all she gives to me, all she has been willing to have an open mind about and learn, and all she still has the potential to be and become.  She has com a long way since we first started talking several yeas ago.  When I stop to look back on where we were and where we are now it it light years apart.  She has helped me grow and become more as well,an for that I am most thankful.

Just as in everyday life, in this lifestyle we have to be thankful for what we have.  So many times we look at things from the point of view of what we don't have and wish we did.  We may look at or worry about what lies ahead instead of looking at what we have now and is right in front of us.  We can become complacent with where we are and take it for granted because we are too concerned about what is to come or what we wish we had instead.  I think it's important to take a minute to stop and look at what we have now and be very thankful for it.

In this lifestyle, I think it is also important to give back when we have the opportunity.  There are many that struggle with this, have questions, are looking for advice, or whatever the case may be.  We should take the time when the situation presents itself to try to help someone else learn, better understand, or lend an ear.

I get contacted by Dominants and submissives alike looking for help.  Maybe they have a specific question.  Maybe they feel lost and are looking for answers.  Maybe they need to know that wanting this lifestyle is not wrong and need some encouragement and support.  Maybe they are looking for advice on how to do a specific scene.  Whatever it may be, I am always happy to help, and enjoy doing so as well.  Yet, beyond that, I think it is also our duty to help.  My slave specifically understands that it is her place to help others if asked, and I expect that from her.  She has a lot of experience to be able to draw on to offer advice, teach others, and help people understand more clearly.  There have been times I have sent someone to her to talk to because I thought she could help, just as she has sent people to me.

Even all of us that have blogs, whether it i our direct intention or not, are helping others by sharing our experiences, the good and bad times, and what we face in this.  This gives others a chance to read what we write and draw on that for their own benefit.  So many times I have seen the comments on a blog post that tells the writer how much they appreciate them sharing their experiences and struggles because it helps them know they aren't alone, or it was a topic that fit their life at the time and made a huge difference.  When that happens we should be proud that we were able to share through our blog and it made a difference for someone.

I am thankful I am able to help others learn about this lifestyle.  That I am in a place where I can interact with others and teach them what this lifestyle really is about and can be.  Many times I learn more myself in helping others, as well as the gratification of knowing I was able to help.  I hope you all can help when you have the opportunity and make this lifestyle be better for someone else.  I hope you are thankful the opportunity to be able to help and find some enjoyment in doing so.  I know I do and my door is always open for whatever or whoever may come along.  So come on in, have a seat, and stay a while.  I only require an open mind and willingness to face what you may find.


September 20, 2015

The Jekyll and Hyde Contradiction...

I believe at times we all have contradictions that that run through our head.  This is especially true within this lifestyle of BDSM, D/s, Ms, etc...  Any of you that have followed me for any length of time know that I have written about the contradictions that lie within submission.  There is the internal battle many times of what seems right versus what a submission wants, needs, or craves.   It can be hard to accept these things and come to terms with our desires for these seemingly inappropriate acts and treatment.  In today's society, it can even seem very wrong to even want to submit and give power and authority over to another person, regardless of the acts that may play out.  Well, I'm going to let you in on a little secret... this can be hard for a Dominant/Master at times as well.

When I take the time to look at some of things that I enjoy about being Dominant, and the aspects of this lifestyle that I enjoy (the not so gentle or nice aspects), and compare that to what is considered socially acceptable, it can stop me in my tracks.  In fact, in some circles I potentially could be clinically determined to be a sexual deviant and be need to be on the registered sexual offender list.  I could be one of those people that has to carry that stigma and has everyone look at him as though I am an outcast.  Why don't we just go ahead and take me to the town square and hang me for all to see and rid our community of such atrocity.

I see scenes of seemingly rough forced sex and I like it.  I see scenes of a caning and I love the pretty whelps and stripes left across the woman's ass.  I want to create those whelps myself.  I see various acts of pain inflicted and I want to do those things myself.  I want to make my slave moan and scream and beg, and then make her take even more.  I want to make her choke on my manhood, only to let her breathe and then do it again.  I see pictures of women in of cages and think "Hmmm... I need one of those!"  I think about spanking her pussy and hurting her nipples and want to subject her to it over and over.  I want to ram myself into her repeatedly so that it hurts her and she screams, and I won't stop until she's a foggy mess of a blob that can't even function.  All to exert my Dominance, fulfill my own needs, and show her how she is owned and at my mercy for whatever I choose.

Therein lies the contradiction.  At the same time, I love and care for my slave.  I want to go places and do things with her.  I want to hold her hand.  I want to spoon with her as we sleep.  I want to caress and care for her.  I want to gently kiss her on the forehead.  I want to have her head in my lap and stroke her hair and cheek as we watch television.   I want to laugh with her, and pick at each other in fun.  I want to defend her when she is threatened, and throw myself in front of any danger she might face.  I want to shield her from anything unpleasant that may come her way.

How can I be this way?  How can I want to hurt her in one breath and protect her from pain in another?  How can I want to subject her to such apparently cruel acts, but then want to protect her to the death?  It's like I internally consist of my own personal Jekyll and Hyde.

How?  I'll tell you how!  Because it's part of who I am as a man and a Dominant, and also what my slave needs and craves from me.  It's part of the dynamic we have together, each knowing our roles and place with the other.  Each of us, in actuality, feeding off the other to be this way to meet our owns needs as well as fulfill the needs of each other.  Am I like this with everyone?  Absolutely not!  The key to it all is consent.  I have no desire to do these things with someone that does not want and need it.  That doesn't turn me on one bit.

I'm not going to look at the hot soccer mom and kidnap her and do evil things to her just because I get off on it.  I'm not going to look at the hot professional woman in her nice dress and want to defile her.  Ok wait, I might fantasize about it, but would never act on it.  In my fantasies it happens because she ultimately wants it as well.  It's one thing to fantasize about it, but to act on it goes somewhere totally different.  It's that action on the fantasies of force against one's will that takes it to another level and will define you as a clinical deviant and sexual predator.

I don't want you to think that I'm sitting here confused and flopping around like a fish out of water not knowing what to do.  I'm not battling I came to terms with who I am long ago.  I am secure in the Dominant I am and the things I desire and need as a Dominant.  For this to work for me, I need a willing partner.  I need someone that wants this from me, and even pushes me to do more and go further with this side of myself.  I need consent as well as a mental and emotional connection to be this way with someone.  This is not about taking what I want from just anyone.  It's about being that way with and for my slave because she needs that from me, and it allows me to be able to be my true self.

I may be a walking contradiction in many ways, but I'm ok with that.  I'm good with the person I am and have uncovered.  I can have Jekyll and Hyde, and have learned to balance the two.  I won't lie to you, it's not always easy, but that's ok as well.  The struggles make the triumphs worthwhile.  For me, the benefits far outweigh the downsides.

Hi... my name is DV... and I'm a living, breathing contradiction that happily embraces both sides of himself and wouldn't have it any other way.

August 2, 2015

Emerging From The Darkness...

She had abolished herself within the dark dungeon because of the way she had been treated and viewed by all those outside. She had waited what seemed like a lifetime for the One Person that had the key to release her. For the One Person that was willing to bring her out of the darkness and accept her within the light. The One Person that could unlock the door to allow her to finally be free to fly. The One Person that could release her from the darkness she thought she would always be within.

As the door opened and the light He brought to her laid it’s beams upon her wings, they naturally spread as if she had always known how to fly. Yet, she was afraid of what lied beyond the door. At least in the darkness she knew what to expect. He didn’t drag her into the light, but instead patiently waited. He encouraged and offered support for her new life as she slowly left the darkness behind and stepped into the light. She knew that she owed everything to Him, for after all He was the one that held the key that would allow her to be who she has always been destined to be, and would completely accept her as she was.

As she emerged into the light, she knelt before Him in gratitude and reverence. She was beholden to the One true holder of the key that released her from the dungeon of herself to find the freedom in being all she can be. She knew that only with him would her wings spread wide and she would finally learn how to fly. He would nurture her soul and help her accept herself and all she is. She finally knew what it was like to find complete and total freedom in belonging to and giving herself to that One Person that had the ability to release her from the imprisonment of her own mind.

As tears of happiness rolled down her face, she took his outstretched hand to begin the Dauntless Journey down the path she had needed to be led down her entire life. She could finally feel her wings spread wider than they ever had before as she felt the care, love, and safety in his guidance. She was still afraid, but only of the unknown. Yet, she trusted Him with every ounce of her being, would give him her very best, and knew this was exactly where she was meant to be.


May 11, 2015

Because He Said So...?

I have seen pictures and groups of pictures on tumblr, and other places for that matter, that are D/s and M/s and BDSM related with the words “Because He said So”.  I will say that as a Dominant I do adhere to this mantra, but there are some caveats to this as well. 
For the uninformed, uneducated, and ignorant people of this world, it’s these caveats that hold the true meaning behind these words. This is not a blanket statement, right, or entitlement that gives an alleged Master/Dom the right to demand anything he wants, expect it to be done or carried out, and then get mad when it doesn’t happen.  Listen to this very carefully…You are not entitled to a single thing just because you call yourself a Master or a Dom.  You don’t automatically have the right to expect anything just “Because You Said So” because you have proclaimed yourself as having a title.  

So what does it mean when you hear “Because He Said So…”?
It means the sub/slave has given him that right and authority over her.

It means she has consented this power to such a person.

It’s because she sees and feels him as worthy of such power and control.

It’s because he has earned the right to be able to be that way with her.

It’s because he has earned her respect in the Dominant position h has with her.

It’s because he has put in the time, effort and work to get t that point with her.

For me personally, when I see those words it’s not just those words alone that resonate with me.  It’s the entire dynamic of the power exchange relationship, all it takes and all the two of you have gone through together to reach a place where “Because He Said So…” is a reality and has true depth and meaning.  It is a very special feeling and place to be when you reach this together.  But it is not something that you can instantly demand and expect.  
Earn your place with her.  Put in the time and effort she deserves.  Earn your title with her, because she feels it and bestows it upon you, not because you hereby declare it for yourself.  Anyone can call themselves whatever they like.  Having someone else see you as that person and give themselves to you as that person in your life… that is the true blessing. You don’t have a right and aren’t entitled to anything.  You do have the right to earn what you want and strive to achieve your goals.  
When the title as her Master or Dominant has been earned, and she sees you as worthy of that position over her, that is much more gratifying and fulfills a level of accomplishment than anything ever demanded without effort.  And when you get that from her, that is when you can truly say… “Becasue I Said So…”!