May 11, 2015

Because He Said So...?

I have seen pictures and groups of pictures on tumblr, and other places for that matter, that are D/s and M/s and BDSM related with the words “Because He said So”.  I will say that as a Dominant I do adhere to this mantra, but there are some caveats to this as well. 
For the uninformed, uneducated, and ignorant people of this world, it’s these caveats that hold the true meaning behind these words. This is not a blanket statement, right, or entitlement that gives an alleged Master/Dom the right to demand anything he wants, expect it to be done or carried out, and then get mad when it doesn’t happen.  Listen to this very carefully…You are not entitled to a single thing just because you call yourself a Master or a Dom.  You don’t automatically have the right to expect anything just “Because You Said So” because you have proclaimed yourself as having a title.  

So what does it mean when you hear “Because He Said So…”?
It means the sub/slave has given him that right and authority over her.

It means she has consented this power to such a person.

It’s because she sees and feels him as worthy of such power and control.

It’s because he has earned the right to be able to be that way with her.

It’s because he has earned her respect in the Dominant position h has with her.

It’s because he has put in the time, effort and work to get t that point with her.

For me personally, when I see those words it’s not just those words alone that resonate with me.  It’s the entire dynamic of the power exchange relationship, all it takes and all the two of you have gone through together to reach a place where “Because He Said So…” is a reality and has true depth and meaning.  It is a very special feeling and place to be when you reach this together.  But it is not something that you can instantly demand and expect.  
Earn your place with her.  Put in the time and effort she deserves.  Earn your title with her, because she feels it and bestows it upon you, not because you hereby declare it for yourself.  Anyone can call themselves whatever they like.  Having someone else see you as that person and give themselves to you as that person in your life… that is the true blessing. You don’t have a right and aren’t entitled to anything.  You do have the right to earn what you want and strive to achieve your goals.  
When the title as her Master or Dominant has been earned, and she sees you as worthy of that position over her, that is much more gratifying and fulfills a level of accomplishment than anything ever demanded without effort.  And when you get that from her, that is when you can truly say… “Becasue I Said So…”!

~DV~

19 comments:

tori said...

Very true, this made me think also of the 'just because you can, does not mean you should' train of thought in respect of dominants.

julie said...

Because I said so doesn't work with children, I can't imagine it would in an adult relationship of any kind either.

tori said...

(sorry for hijacking your post DV)

Julie, im going to respectfully disagree, there have been many times since i have been with my Master where it has come down to "because I said so" he has authority over me, i have given him that, so he has earned the right to say it.

Hope that makes sense.

DauntlessVitality said...

tori, I agree! Being a Dom comes with a lot of responsibility. Many don't want that responsibility and/or aren't aware of it. They just see the fun aspects and leave the rest out. A perfect example is just what you mention, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

DauntlessVitality said...

@julie... I think you have a point to a degree, but it also depends on the context and the power exchange dynamic agreed upon between the two people involved. Like I said in my post, it's not a blanket all encapsulating thing to say. It has as much to do with the time, place and context as anything. I do appreciate your comment and view.

@tori... No need to apologize. I think this is why we post and comment. So we can have a conversation about a subject, to make us think, to maybe look at something differently, and to share our own personal experiences and views. Feel free to disagree and offer your own opinions on the matter. That's always appreciated.

greengirl said...

"Because I said so" does have a lot of meaning attached to it when it's used, a lot of power behind it, and a lot that goes into it - it is the core - whether it sounds pretty or not.

This part sums it up perfectly: "...all it takes and all the two of you have gone through together to reach a place where “Because He Said So…” is a reality and has true depth and meaning. It is a very special feeling and place to be when you reach this together.

abby said...

This should be required reading.....you expressed it wonderfully.
Master has earned His place as my dominant.....
hugs abby

DauntlessVitality said...

Thanks for your thoughts gg! I always appreciate your comments. There are a lot of things we do and say that don't sound pretty, especially to someone outside our lifestyle, but many times it does reach the core of what this is about for all of us.

DauntlessVitality said...

Thanks so much abby! Means a lot that you feel that way about my view on this.

Foxy said...

Well said.

julie said...

How scary, I don't actually remember responding to this post! I agree it does depend on the relationship and yes, to be honest it might well apply to me!

DauntlessVitality said...

Ok we now have a new rule...no reading and commenting on my blog while drinking or under the influence of heavy medication. LOL!

DauntlessVitality said...

Thanks Foxy!

Anonymous said...

As a sub, whenever he asks something of me, I must obey, because he said so. My Dom gave me an assignment last night and despite being tired, I knew I wouldn't sleep well unless I completed it as requested.... because he said so. Making him happy, fulfilling his requests, these are things I must do. They make me happy to make him happy.

Pearl Necklace said...

Terrific post and well written! There is so much missed by the Dom, the sub, and any outside on-lookers when you don't consider the most important aspect of the "because He said so" is because there is agreed upon trust and consent prior to the expectations being set out. Safe, Sane and Consensual.

I'm happy that this is my introduction to your blog! Terrific post!

XOXO Pearl

Liras said...

Behind the command is the respect that has been earned, yes?

But..it is up to those in the relationship to navigate their boundaries, not those on the exterior.

Unknown said...

I find it sad (and a bit scary) that there are "Doms" out there who believe they would/should be able to get away with using these words "just because." Anyone getting involved in D/s should be required to read this (or something like it) so they understand that the dynamic is an agreement based on trust. Great post!

Unknown said...

Well said.

DM said...

Again I'm left speechless...something I'm sure you know by now is a bit of a challenge for me ;) simply beautiful