June 1, 2011

The Gift Of Power

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
~ Abraham Lincoln

I know when this was spoken, Abraham Lincoln didn't have a bit more intention of it being used in a D/s context than if he could flap his arms and fly to the moon.   For that matter, he may not have even known what D/s is.  Nonetheless, here we are in today's society and I'm going to use his quote.  As far as our lifestyle goes, this is a great quote and says a lot about a Dominant man.

Several of the blogs I follow are written by a submissive...and ones who are looking for just the right Dominant partner.  They tend to know what they want and don't want in a partner.  They do want him to be like this, and they don't want him to be like that.  This is something I don't blame them for one single iota.  They know who they are and what they want and need.  They are picky, and they should be.  They have every right to be.  And let's face it...there are a lot of creeps and guys out there that think they can be Dominant.  It looks fun to them, so they want to give it a go.  In all honesty, that's scary.

I read these blogs, and I receive emails.  I have given my opinion and offered my advice.  (which is worth what they paid for it lol)  I have interacted with a number of women over the years about this very thing.  What a submissive woman has to give is a gift...the gift of herself.  The man she chooses to partner with needs to be worthy of this gift.  He needs to be able to handle the responsibility of it.  He needs to be able to handle the pressure that is such a part of being a Dominant.  He needs to know himself inside and out.  He needs to know how to handle adversity as well as the laid back and easy times.  He needs to be able to think logically in all situations.  He needs to be able to express and share his emotions.  He needs to be able read and understand his partner, and then take the appropriate action.  He needs to be able and willing to love and care like there is no tomorrow.  He needs to be able to learn and grow, and understand that he doesn't know everything.

That one word..."POWER"!  It sounds strong.  It sounds meaningful.  Yet, it needs to be backed up with competency, skill, influence, and capability.  Power contains potential...potential to reach a goal and keep moving forward.  This is done through leadership, management, direction, and guidance. A man cannot demand power.  He cannot demand to be in charge.  If he does, then he will never be effective.  He will never have the best outcome.  Most importantly, he will never have respect of those he is attempting to place himself over.

A man should command respect and power by his actions.  He should lead by example.  He should show strength and fortitude to those around him.  He should be willing to share his knowledge and expertise for the benefit and growth of others.  He should be willing to admit his own faults, be aware of them, and make adjustments as necessary.  He should be willing to admit his own limitations and try to grow beyond them.  His desire to lead in this capacity should be self-evident, not self-prescribed.  A man with true power will never ask for it...it will be given to him out of respect and admiration.  He will never abuse this power and never ask more of others than he is wiling to do himself.

Maybe Mr Lincoln's quote should be tweaked a bit.  Or maybe I'll tweak it a bit for the purpose of this post.  I think it needs to be..."The true character of a man will deem whether he obtains power."  In the case of D/s, this power will be given to him in the form of submission.  A submissive will give him the gift of herself.  She will give him the gift of power.  She will only give it to the man that is deserving of such a gift.  Certainly not the one that demands the gift.  Only then will she be comfortable in her choice and be able to fully let go and be herself at the feet of the one she has chosen. 


  1. It is so wonderful to come across a Dominant Man who "gets it"... Thank you DV!

  2. Yes, he gets it! ;)

  3. Wow, great post, DV. You have eloquently stated what I've been keeping as my internal compass since starting this journey. I love the quotes - definitely going someplace where I can see them.

  4. DV Sir,

    For some reason mouse has always hated the whole "gift of submission" idea, but really could never put her finger on it.

    In many ways it's completely true, someone can't dominate if the other isn't willing to let them...When mouse examines things she tends to start backwards...So, can there be submission without someone to Dominate? Might have to ponder that point....


  5. Really great post, and as a sub, I'm glad to know there ARE some male Doms out there who think the creeps-masquerading-as-Doms are scary, too! :)

  6. You are a very wise man, thank you for sharing.

  7. This is well thought out and well written. I agree with most of it. Everything you have said about Masters, their character and that they are given power is wonderful.

    However, I have to agree with mouse on the 'gift of submission' idea. I think D/s is a two-way street. It's fine if we consider submission a gift--but then so is dominance.


  8. Thank you. Lots of people express opinions on what makes a "good" Dom. What he will and will not do, how he will behave. You have expressed it perfectly. The power is his because he deserves it and the deserving it comes first.

  9. Histoy...Thank you very much. You are welcome!

    Evan...glad you agree and are on a similar path with your approach. I think that will bode well for you both.

    Mouse...As always, thanks for your views and comments. I am certainly not hung on the "submission is a gift" mantra. It just seems to be something most people have heard and understand. And it fit with my post. I didn't intend to get that stirred up, so my apologies. You can call it whatever you like...and whatever it is, it is something very special, in my view.
    On your second thought, I have actually written about this a while back. I believe a Dominant is just a man without a submissive, just as a submissive is just a woman without a Dom. For each it takes the other to complete the circle and be able to express that side of your personality. After all, when you have no partner who are you going to submit to or Dominate? Yourself? You can be that person at your core, and have that aspect as a deep part of your personality, but it takes both people to bring it out of each other and put it to use.

    Sexperts...Thank so much. Yes, we are out there. It's the creeps and scary ones that make this lifestyle and those in it look bad and give TTWD a bad view to those outside of it.

    sbf...I wouldn't go as far as wise. LOL! But thank you nonetheless. :)

    Dannah...Thanks for your compliments. I will revert back to my response to mouse for part of this. I do agree completely that it is a two way street. Everything I value and consider precious about a sub and what she gives to me, I would also hope and expect that she feels the same about what I give to her. Again, it takes both people to make this work. You can't have one without the other.

    Alice...Thanks so much. He does have to deserve it. He has to earn it to a degree. And once he has it, it is up to him to show he is worthy of it and of keeping it.