June 25, 2011

Absence Makes The Heart...

There are times when we have to spend time apart from the one we love and care about.  Times we have to spend apart from our partner, whether that's your wife, husband, boy/girlfriend, significant other, or whatever the case may be. No one likes time apart, but it can be a good thing for your relationship in the long run.

There is an old saying we all know...absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I don't necessarily buy into that thought process.  I do buy into a variation of it.  I think absence makes us realize what's important to us and how we feel about it.  It can confirm what you have been thinking, or enlighten areas where you have had some uncertainty.  Absence gives you time to think and mull over your thoughts and feelings about someone.  A chance to figure out just how important that person is to you.

This time apart can work in either direction.  It can bring two people together, or it can drive them apart.  If you have been having doubts about your relationship, some time apart will tell you a lot.  It will let you see how you are and feel without them around.  It will let you see if you really do miss them...if you really do need them.  Some separation may let you know that it is time to move on...that the feelings aren't there after all.  Yet, in a solid relationship, it can show you just how important that person is to you.  You may know, or at least think, you love and need someone.  Spending some time apart will tell you for sure.  It can solidify your feelings and let you know just how much you really do love them and want them in your life.  You can feel sad and lonely, and feel the need to have them near.  Yearning to have them back by your side. 

None of us want to be apart from those we care about.  But inevitably, it will happen from time to time, due to jobs, vacations, family commitments, and so on.  Try not to look at it as a bad thing.  When you miss that person terribly, look at it as a confirmation of your feelings.  Absence is letting you know just where you stand.  This is something you wouldn't have been able to know and experience otherwise.  Make it a learning experience and grow from it.  And by all means, share with your loved one just how much you miss and need them.  If you are feeling it, then they probably are as well.  And who doesn't like to know they are needed and missed.

Absence may not make you love or care for a person more, but it can make you realize just how much they do mean to you.   Having to experience this can make you stronger...make your bond stronger.  And after all...growing closer with the one you love is what we are all after anyway.  So make the best of a situation like this, and turn it into something positive to grow upon.


  1. i totally agree! :)

  2. Well said, Sir.

    It's a topic that's been on my mind a lot of late, and you phrased it very well.

  3. "A chance to figure out just how important that person is to you." - it is so true. Thank you for the sharing.

  4. Some of us live in part-time relationships where absence is just a fact of life. Managing this can be a challenge but the effort to do so is an acknowledgement of the value of the connection. Thank you for pointing out that good things that can come from being apart. Alice x

  5. Thanks for all your comments.

    Anon and sl...I'm glad you agree.

    Dannah...it's always nice to be able to touch on a subject that has been on someone's mind and give them some perspective and help them out a bit.

    Alice...I too am in a part-time relationship. I totally agree that being able to have a relationship like this can be a test. (Not that a full-time relationship isn't a test as well) I am in a position where we can talk via email, chat, and text throughout the day most of the time. Yet, there are times when life calls and days go by with little to no contact at all. This is the absence I speak of for you and me. It is there even in a part-time relationship and can have an affect on you. Thanks for pointing that out.


  6. When my Dom and I were engaged, I was living in France. I think it made us really, really communicate a lot better about TTWD. We wrote emails and blogs, talked on the phone, and used more mental/emotional domination. Now that we're together, our relationship can focus more on physical domination and face-to-face talks, but I think both were good practice for us. :)

  7. Thank you for writing this. I too feel the same way. I have recently given my soul to another who lives many miles away from me. I am unsure of when we shall ever meet but our daily communication fills my heart mind and soul with him. It wasn't until we were separated for a few days and uncertain when we would hear from each other that my very being ached for him. I knew of my love for him but was wonderfully affirmed that I am truly his forever when the very thought of being without him made my world seem to crumble. Then to know that he longed for me as well made my heart soar.

  8. Sexperts...I do think separation makes you focus on communication, which we all agree is so vitally important. Being good at talking and sharing when apart, makes it much easier to do and continue when you are together.

    ttlterror...Thanks for stopping by and for the comment. What you state is the exact point of my post. Even if your relationship is long distance and primarily done through some form of communication, when that communication can't be done the feelings of loss can be very real. I'm glad you can relate and understand this exact point.



  9. Dv Sir,

    This really spoke to mouse, being apart from Omega last week was odd in the beginning, but got easier as the week passed. In the end we felt closer.


  10. I totally agree. When I had have to travel and be away from my partner, we focus on comunication and also realiced the importance and need of the everyday contact, not only physical, but the need to talk the day stuff, to be there to be listened and to listen.