June 22, 2011

Principles of "The Art Of War" in D/s (Part 2)

In the last post I introduced you to The Art OF War and one of the principles of the book.  In this post, I want to take a look at two more principles that are very similar to each other.

The first principle is:
"To know your enemy, you must become your enemy."

This is followed by:
"It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperilled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperilled in every single battle."

Like this states, I think it is imperative that you know what you are up against, as well as know yourself and your own abilities.  I'm not at all saying that a Dominant and a submissive are enemies in a battle.  There are a couple of things I am saying, though.   

First, I am saying it is imperative that as a Dominant, you know yourself.  You have to be fully aware of your own level of knowledge, and your abilities.  Having a lack of either is nothing to be ashamed of as we all start somewhere.  The point is you don't go into it thinking you know it all.  You have to be willing to accept, admit, and face where you are and then be willing to learn and advance yourself to become better.  A lack of self-awareness and a lack of willingness to learn will always be a downfall.  Staying static or backtracking because of a poor attitude or mindset is detrimental to yourself, as a Dominant, and to your submissive.  You are better off alone, for everyone's sake, if this is where you find yourself.   It will hold you back and keep you from being able to move forward into becoming a better Dominant. 

Second, you must know the other side of the fence from yourself.  As a Dominant, you MUST know your submissive.  Personally, I think that knowing your submissive could very well be more important than knowing yourself.  I think it is vital that you learn the typical traits and tendencies of all submissives.  I think you especially need to learn and know those of your own submissive.  You can't expect to lead her and give her what she needs and deserves if you have no clue what those needs may be.  Every submissive, just as every person and personality, is different.  Everyone has different wants, needs and desires, and each approach to TTWD and the whole D/s dynamic may vary.  Some approaches may be more forceful, while others may be more subtle and gentle.  Just going at it blindly is a horrible idea, and you can't automatically expect her to instantly adjust to your way and style.  A good Dominant needs to be able and willing to adjust to his submissive as well.

As the principle illustrates, knowing yourself and knowing your submissive is a win-win situation, and only good can come from it.  Knowing yourself but not her...well, that's a fifty-fifty shot of getting it right.  When it comes to a relationship, I don't care to base it on odds like that.  And, not knowing yourself or her...that is just plain shooting in the dark.  There is no way something good can come out, in the long run, with that blind approach.

As a Dominant, I feel I owe it not only to myself, but also to my submissive, to be the best I can be.  That involves facing what I know, knowing my limits and shortcomings, and taking steps to better myself.  It also involves knowing my submissive inside and out (no pun intended), and being able to read and understand her.  Knowing what she likes and doesn't, and what her needs are, as well as her deep desires.  I like the odds that come with this scenario, as it gives your relationship a fighting chance to last and survive.  Or, in terms of war tactics...conquering and defeating the odds ensures victory, with the ultimate goal of creating a thriving and glorious long term relationship.


  1. One of the advantages I have had is that we were together three years before I began to veer off into D/s World. Luckily (and it was pure luck) my submissive lizard purred like a kitten--the more i gave the more she took, within some very reasonable (for both of us) limits.

    My strength has always been great respect for her and knowing and anticipating what she will tolerate and what turns her on. I am lucky, for example, that if I shove her head down into the bed she gets all excited. I do too.

    My weakness is consistency. I jump from one project to another, and although I have become much more consistent in other areas of my life (exercising for the last four years, disciplined at work), I still have to apply that same persistent and consistent behavior to my Dom tendencies.

    The Art of War has had impacts in all walks of life, I guess!

  2. Very interesting post. For me and my boyfriend the most important thing is that we know each other in the basics and have the trust to talk everything. We actually demand to say things to each other. For me, that have been one of the keys to the trust we have.


  3. Another good comparison and discussion.


  4. Sun Tzu was a wise man as are you my friend.

  5. So typically DV, so on target! Excellent post!
    Your blog should be "required" reading for any Dominant Man....

  6. Tom...
    Thanks for your comments. Always appreciated. I think consistency can be hard for us all. Staying the course and keeping focused can be difficult at times.

    Open communication is an absolute key in my opinion. It is the basis for it all. It's great that the two of you can do that. The road is much easier when you can openly talk about anything.

    Thanks so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    Sir J...
    Thanks for the compliment. you know I think the same about you. Your opinion means a lot.

    Were you giggling when you said that? LOL! I couldn't resist after your last post on your blog. :) I feel honored that you feel that way. It's compliments like that that inflate a man's ego and keeps him going.


  7. Great post DV. I agree with Histoy's comment that your blog is an excellent source for someone just exploring their Dom side...and actually anyone interested in it period. Thanks!

  8. Very insightful! Much like Neo Dom Tom I knew my Sub for 3 years before we attempted the lifestyle. We are still -very- new, mind you, but it is posts like these that help guide me. I find myself thinking along these same lines, particularly the "know your enemy" aspect. I feel like having known her for so long makes controlling and providing for her that much easier!