June 6, 2011

Begin Again (Making Tough Choices)

Life is full of tough choices.  Sometimes life runs smoothly and all seems well.  Other times life has a lot of bumps in the road you must navigate through.  It seems that there are a lot of times no matter what choice you make you are taking the wrong path.  It is these times that make and define who you are as a person...or at least who we turn out to be.  The defining of who you are may not be in making the choice itself, but in the consequences of making the choice and where that choice leads you. 

When it comes to relationships, there are many hard choices that you have to make.  Nothing to do with a relationship is easy.  It's hard work.  It takes time and effort.  The rewards of the efforts can be tremendously satisfying and joyful.  But what if the rewards aren't great?  What if all your time and effort gets you nowhere?  What if your time and effort leads you down a dead end road?  What if your relationship makes you less and less satisfied and and more and more miserable no matter how much time and effort you put into it?

If you are in this type of situation, then you have some huge choices to make.  Basically, there are two options for you.  First, you can choose to stay in your comfort zone where you feel somewhat safe, even though you know you will never be happy.  Second, you can choose to pick up your tent and move on, with the hope that you can find and have the happiness you deserve and desire.  Neither choice is easy.  No one likes to get outside of their comfort zone,  yet no one likes the thought of having to start all over either.  However...there are times when a fresh start and getting out from under all the pressures of a dead end situation is worth more than anything.  Sometimes it is great to be able to look forward and see light instead of staring into a darkness that never ends.  IT can be a chance to...Begin Again!

Beginning again is never easy, and it is never this cut and dry.  There are always many other factors that figure into these decisions.  There are finances, property, kids, jobs, homes, etc...  There are other things and other people to worry about than just your own reasoning.  I know this first hand.  I have been there.  I have done that.  I knew it was right for me, and I did it.  I picked up and moved on.  IT was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.  I hurt some people along the way and caused a lot of grief.  Yet in the long run, and looking back now, it was the right decision.  Those I hurt will tell you it was the right decision, even though they couldn't see it at the time. 

That is what you hope and wish for everyone.  That your decision is truly what is best for everyone.  Even though it may cause giant ripples in the water now, you hope it turns into smooth water with a great sunset and a pristine view.  So do you stay where you are comfortable and stable, yet completely unhappy, or do you make the choice to move along hoping for the pristine view and potential happiness ever after?  Only you can make that decision.  Only you can decide which choice is right for you.  Unfortunately, there is no way to know ahead of time what is best.  After the fact you can Monday Morning Quarterback the situation until you are blue in the face.  All you can do is what you think is best for the long term and will make you the happiest.  Sometimes, the best thing to do is...Begin Again!

(FYI - before you ask, this is not about me directly, or about my current relationship.  It is something on my mind and I thought I'd share.  I'm no different than anyone, and have had and will continue to have some huge decisions in my life.  Decisions that will shape the future, and will shape me into the person I am to become.  Just some thing to think about and ponder)


  1. thank you for everything...

  2. I so relate to this! I was in a very unhappy marriage, with a newborn baby... but i knew to live that life and pretend it was okay was much worse than the alternative. I started over, with my son in tow... And i am so happy i made that decision. It was undoubtedly the best for everyone concerned...

  3. You make excellent points, but there is the third option: Change the game. You could say that this falls under the category of "stay", but I contend that it's a blend of the two. If your relationship is unhappy, yet you don't feel ready to leave, just consider moving your relationship where you want it to go. Shake things up. Do the unexpected. In my history, my wife and I have had periods where we loved each other, but were very unhappy. In each case, we chose Stay, but were unhappy. Each time it got worse. Eventually (and recently) I shook things up and took us in a new direction. I'm outside the comfort zone, yet not wandering about with no roots. Perhaps you might say I started over with my wife.

  4. This really resonated with me, as I'm in that decision making point right now. I leaning towards leaving my marriage as I have been unhappy in the relationship for a long time now. Yet, there's so much fear and worry about what will happen if I do. You're right when you say that both choices are difficult.

    I also agree with Evan that there is that third option of trying to make the relationship successful by moving toward a new direction. My husband and I tried that, but given the lack of progress and happiness, I just don't see it working. Beginning again may be exactly what I need.

    DV, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic.

  5. *smiles* Thank You for sharing your thoughts, It was just what i needed to start my day :)

  6. Thanks to all for the comments. I agree that in some cases there is that third option. Yet, sometimes you are well past that point of trying to make it work. We all reach a point where we know that nothing we can do will make a difference. Or maybe it's a case of we don't want it to work. You aren't happy where you are and can't give the effort, but still have the fear of moving on and starting over.

    So, yes there is that third option at times, so thanks for pointing that out, and thanks again for your thoughts.


  7. DV Sir...

    Completely agree with everything...Beginning again can be downright scary but if in the end you find your other half...wow it's totally worth it.


  8. Advisable reading topic of time… Well done!

    I listened to a ‘close one’ as BA – Begin Again was mentioned. So, I searched for more meaning that I came across your blog. Helpful.

    Beginning again could be best suited for anyone but very daunting period too. Be prepared to occupy your time, live and enjoy your life at same time...http://www.virtualofficeservice.net