April 11, 2010

Broken? I think Not!

Do you look in the mirror and see a clear picture of yourself?  Do you see yourself as broken?  Incomplete?  Hollow?  Confused?  Ugly?

Having dealt with a couple of newly self-discovered submissives, and talked with others, these are questions that can be very hard for them to answer.  There is no clear cut direction for them and they can feel lost and as though they are wandering about aimlessly.  The good part is that most submissives in this position find themselves under the direction of a Dominant, Master or Mentor.  They have someone to guide them long the journey they now find themselves traveling.  This is a great situation for a new submissive.  She will need a caring hand.  Someone to lead her down the path of enlightenment.  Someone that can keep her on the line and from straying.  Someone that can support her mentally and emotionally through this drastically changed time of her life. 

Some submissives however, find they are alone and not knowing how to deal with the feelings they have.  The reason they are alone is not that important.  The fact is that they are alone.  Many submissives know they have felt different their whole life. They have always felt submissive to others, not necessarily in a sexual sense, but have never really understood the feelings they have, or why.  This can be a very confusing time.  She is feeling the pull to be who and what she is, yet this can be contradictory to everything she has been told her whole life.  How to behave, what is expected of her, how a lady should act, to be a self-supportive independent woman, etc...  Nonetheless, she has the need to serve.  She has the need to be controlled.  She has the need to be used.  She has a need to be owned.  She has a need to feel some sexual freedom and be the slut she so needs to be.  She has strong sexual urges and fantasies that are far from the lady she has been taught to be by her upbringing and society. 

One of the hardest aspects to overcome on her new journey is acceptance.  Not just acceptance...but self-acceptance.  She must accept the fact that this is who she is.  She must accept that fact that it is alright to feel what she is feeling.  She must accept the fact that it is alright to think the thoughts that she does.  She must accept the fact that she needs to feel the control of another person.  That she needs to be used and know that she is pleasing to the person in control.  That she has strong sexual urges that need to be fulfilled.  This can be a very difficult step to take.  Yet...once she takes it and accepts who she is and needs to be, it can be the biggest weight off her shoulders she has ever felt.  She can feel more free than she has ever felt.  She is free to be herself and cease the internal battle of show she is versus who she thinks she is expected to be. 

Once she can look in the mirror and see herself for who she is, then she has taken a giant step forward.  Once she looks at herself and doesn't see herself as broken, and is not ashamed of what she sees, then she can not only be all she hopes to be for herself, but for another person.  This is an internal tug-of-war that can be hard to overcome.  However, once she does, she can feel good about spreading her wings and taking flight. 

Broken?  I think Not!


  1. ...that is EXACTLY how i saw myself, but i am mending...
    with the kind support of others in this lifestyle, and also reading a lot of other submissives' blogs, i am slowly starting to feel that i am not a freak, afterall.
    ..i am just different to vanilla women, thats all. x

  2. Another insightful, well-written post, DV! :)

    You know, another trait that many (but definitely not all) subs share is a history of abuse. This abuse can contribute to those feelings of confusion and self-doubt. I am definitely not saying that abuse creates or inspires submissive tendencies, but I am suggesting that an abusive past can make it difficult to reconcile submissive urges with what society expects and how we've been brought up.

    And it is here that you've hit the nail on the head...acceptance. No submissive is at fault for the abuse that they have suffered, and that abuse should not preclude engaging in a submissive lifestyle. We subs owe it to ourselves to embrace who we are and find that acceptance within ourselves.

    Thanks for writing!

    Take care,
    Baby Girl :)

  3. Super! Another Dom's blog. I'm so glad I found you. I loved this post and will be back often to read more. (I'm gonna go put a link to you on my blog now!)

  4. Lilli...
    You are exactly right! You are just different frm the "norm". That doesn't make you a freak. Learn to enjoy who you are and let it flourish.

    I really hadn't thought about abuse as a road to submission. That is an excellent point though. I might have to do some research on that. Thanks!