April 19, 2010
As I have been perusing the blogs lately, and various other places, I been noticing a theme. In some cases this is the heart of the issue, and in others it not quite as evident. Yet it is still there. I believe this to be the core of any relationship, no matter what type of relationship you have. Of what am I speaking? Communication!
A lot of what people see, or at least envision, when they think of a D/s relationship, is the Dominant person talking and the submissive person listening and/or obeying. That's it, point blank, the end. I personally don't agree with this and think that is only the tip of the iceberg.
One side of this is that a couple in a D/s relationship does adhere to the principle of "the Dom speaks, the sub listens". By its very nature, this is true. It has to be. There cannot be much wiggle room from this, or the dynamic of the relationship isn't D/s anymore. The Dominant controls his submissive. He tells her what to do and she does it. He is in charge and in control. He exacts his will upon her and she accepts that. She has given him the right to do so by giving herself to him. The Dom communicates his desires and wishes and he expects them to be followed. No questions asked and no hesitation. This is understood by a submissive, and typically she is more than happy to does as directed. She needs his direction...his control...his Dominance. That is after all why they are in this type relationship to begin with.
There is another side to this equation. As with any relationship, there must be good open communication between a Dom and his sub. I personally have always encouraged open communication. I want to know what my sub thinks, what she wants, and what she needs. I am always willing to listen to her thoughts and opinions. That doesn't mean that I will always do as she wishes, but I will listen and take it into account. How better can I, or any other Dominant, learn about our submissive. She has wants and needs that should be met, and I am not a mind reader. Well, sometimes I am, but not as a general rule. A lot of times, a Dom knows what his sub needs, even when he doesn't. He knows the direction he needs to take her, and the best way to get her there. This is his job to enable her to become the best submissive she can be.
In some of the blogs I have been reading lately, which are written by submissives, the sub has been talking about not knowing where they stand. Not knowing what they want. Not knowing how to proceed. Not knowing where to go or how to get there. Not having a clue about their relationship. This is where communication comes in. It is a must, in my opinion. There is no other way. There must be good communication for her to be able to get a grasp on the relationship...on her needs...on what she is supposed to be. Without communication, she can easily get lost, and wander around aimlessly, and feel worse in the meantime. She needs to feel heard and understood. She needs to be able to share her feelings and thoughts, without any fear of doing so, and know that her Dom will openly discuss with her as well. Knowing that he will take what he gathers from this, and use it to their mutual benefit. If they can't have a forum for sharing and talking openly, then problems loom ahead. A Dom should be more than willing to openly discuss the relationship with his sub. Talking and sharing doesn't make a Dominant any less Domly. Opening up and sharing your feelings and thoughts, does not make you less of who you feel you need to be as the partner in charge. In my opinion, it makes you more Domly by being willing to do so, willing to learn and grow together. Being willing to do so, so that both of you can be the best you can be for each other. It's king of like being in the Army..."Be all you can be". Why settle for anything less.
Communication is everything!