Be Who You Are

There is a recurring theme I see in emails I receive from women.  It has to do with being able to accept their submissive nature...or rather having trouble accepting it.  For so many women, accepting and being happy with their submissive nature goes against what is viewed as the norms of acceptable and expected behavior for women.  Because of this, many people find it hard to be happy with themselves...they don't feel free to be who they truly are inside. 

I have written about this in the past, and don't intend to re-hash it today.  But...I did come across a couple of quotes that I wanted to share.  The quotes weren't intended specifically for TTWD, but I think you can take them and apply them to this situation.  Feel free to comment with your thoughts and opinions about this subject and/or the quotes.

Formspring Question

"Hi I know I am submissive but I am ashamed of it! I try to act dominant because I don't want to be seen as a doormat by other people but another part of me *likes* caring and serving and well, doing submissive things. How am I meant to reconcile the two?"

Thanks for the question.  I think this is something that many submissives struggle with.  First of all I will say that in no way is TTWD meant to make you feel like or be treated like a doormat.  A lot of what you see and read about, or pictures you view, on the internet make this lifestyle come across that way.  Yet, the reality is that is only a very small portion  of the big picture and all that a relationship like this entails. 

It can be hard to reconcile with yourself all that you feel is expected of you...from a mother, to career woman, to keeping up and house, to being sexual and intimate with your partner, and so on.  I think the expectations that society puts on woman can be difficult.  From how a woman feels she is supposed to act and present herself, to being strong, assertive, and able to care for herself.  What you have to make yourself understand is that there is nothing wrong with what you want and need.  Everyone is different and needs different things. 

It's ok to need to submit.  It's ok to need to be cared for and protected by your man.  It's ok to have the need to serve him and give yourself to him completely.  As long as it makes you happy, and you get all you need from it, then that's what matters.  It doesn't matter what anyone else does or says.  It is your choice.  It's when you fully get that and feel it deep within your soul, and accept it as ok for you, even though it may not be for everyone...that ii when you will find happiness and peace.  As some captions on D/s pics I have seen have stated (I'll paraphrase)...it is by being bound and completely belonging to and being owned by him, that she she feels most free.

There is no need to be or feel ashamed of your desires.  You are feeling this way based on what you perceive is expected from you.  You have to be able to look beyond that for what is best for you as the individual you are.  I'm not saying this is easy.  Especially when you have spent your whole life believing or being taught to be a certain way.  Just know that is it ok to want, need, and feel the desires you have.  You and only you know what is best for you and what you need.  Don't let outside influences and the views of others deter you from being happy and who you truly are. 

I wrote a post back in April of 2010 about this very situation you have inquired about.  Here is that post:  Broken?  I think not!

DV

Broken? I think Not!

Do you look in the mirror and see a clear picture of yourself?  Do you see yourself as broken?  Incomplete?  Hollow?  Confused?  Ugly?

Having dealt with a couple of newly self-discovered submissives, and talked with others, these are questions that can be very hard for them to answer.  There is no clear cut direction for them and they can feel lost and as though they are wandering about aimlessly.  The good part is that most submissives in this position find themselves under the direction of a Dominant, Master or Mentor.  They have someone to guide them long the journey they now find themselves traveling.  This is a great situation for a new submissive.  She will need a caring hand.  Someone to lead her down the path of enlightenment.  Someone that can keep her on the line and from straying.  Someone that can support her mentally and emotionally through this drastically changed time of her life. 

Some submissives however, find they are alone and not knowing how to deal with the feelings they have.  The reason they are alone is not that important.  The fact is that they are alone.  Many submissives know they have felt different their whole life. They have always felt submissive to others, not necessarily in a sexual sense, but have never really understood the feelings they have, or why.  This can be a very confusing time.  She is feeling the pull to be who and what she is, yet this can be contradictory to everything she has been told her whole life.  How to behave, what is expected of her, how a lady should act, to be a self-supportive independent woman, etc...  Nonetheless, she has the need to serve.  She has the need to be controlled.  She has the need to be used.  She has a need to be owned.  She has a need to feel some sexual freedom and be the slut she so needs to be.  She has strong sexual urges and fantasies that are far from the lady she has been taught to be by her upbringing and society. 

One of the hardest aspects to overcome on her new journey is acceptance.  Not just acceptance...but self-acceptance.  She must accept the fact that this is who she is.  She must accept that fact that it is alright to feel what she is feeling.  She must accept the fact that it is alright to think the thoughts that she does.  She must accept the fact that she needs to feel the control of another person.  That she needs to be used and know that she is pleasing to the person in control.  That she has strong sexual urges that need to be fulfilled.  This can be a very difficult step to take.  Yet...once she takes it and accepts who she is and needs to be, it can be the biggest weight off her shoulders she has ever felt.  She can feel more free than she has ever felt.  She is free to be herself and cease the internal battle of show she is versus who she thinks she is expected to be. 

Once she can look in the mirror and see herself for who she is, then she has taken a giant step forward.  Once she looks at herself and doesn't see herself as broken, and is not ashamed of what she sees, then she can not only be all she hopes to be for herself, but for another person.  This is an internal tug-of-war that can be hard to overcome.  However, once she does, she can feel good about spreading her wings and taking flight. 

Broken?  I think Not!