April 27, 2011

Time and Distance

Time and distance...time and distance...I don't like those two things.  Especially when they are used together.  Of course I'm talking about in the terms of a relationship.  Not enough time, and too much distance...that can create problems.  It can create stress.  It can create a less than ideal atmosphere, especially in a D/s dynamic and relationship.  I have spoken before about not liking long distance relationships.  I stick to that thought process, and don't think it will ever change.  But let's look at the up side of time and distance.  Or rather, let's look at ways to deal with it. 

This article is aimed at those couples that don't live together and/or are not married.  It is for those that get to see each other fairly regularly, but it is not on a daily basis.  Or it could even be for those that are together all the time, but one member of the couple has to travel or be away from home.  Regardless of your situation, separation can cause the mind to wander.  It can cause the mind to veer off course.  You can lose focus on what matters most and become unbalanced.  When a couple is together, the dynamic between them is in place and in full swing.  Everything feels right, and nothing can come between you.  Yet, put some time and distance between you, and the boat seems to rock a bit, at least at times.

Many submissives need some level of attention on a regular basis in regards to the D/s dynamic they are involved in.  They need to know their partner is there.  They need the reminders that their Dom is there to preside over them in some form or fashion, no matter how minor what he does may be.  It makes them feel safe.  It makes them feel at peace.  It helps them feel their place, and fill their needs.  This isn't to say that a Dominant can't feel the same way.  A Dom certainly can, and can require attention from his submissive, and need the dynamic between them just as much as she does. 

So...when separation from each other is unavoidable, I suggest you take steps to keep your relationship on track.  For many of us, you know when you are apart from your partner that your mind and submission or Dominance may wane.  Talk about this together as a couple and figure out ways to keep the dynamic going.  Face the fact that you know this is a potential issue for your relationship.  Find new and fun ways to keep in touch and keep the fire burning.  If you don't then you can spend your time being unbalanced and off track.  This is not a good feeling, and not good for your relationship.  It's always better to try to keep an even keel and keep the mind of you both on a clear path.  Use email, use text messages, send naughty pictures, send dirty comments to each other, hand out assignments to be reported on..just do something.  And most of all, communicate and talk with each other.  Let each other know how you feel and how your mental state is handling the absence.  Together you can work through it and possibly grow closer in the process. 

None of us like to be apart or separated from our partner.  Yet, sometimes life just dictates that it happens.  When it does, make sure that the separation is not an issue in your relationship.  Find ways to keep the fun alive between you both, and look forward to when you can see each other again.  Be prepared to help your partner work through these times.  It will build your relationship, let them know you really do care, and build more trust between you when they know you will care for them even when you can't be there.  Time and distance can be your enemy, but you can combat it.  You can work together to meet your D/s needs, even when separated.  And of course...coming together when you can will be that much sweeter.


  1. Are you talking about yourself DV? I agree with you about subs needing their Masters on a regular even daily basis.

    your posts always makes me think

  2. Indeed subs need their Masters on a daily basis.
    There have been short..(less than a week ) periods of time when I've been out of touch with Sir.. and it is very hard.

    He will be out of town for three weeks in June and I dread that time. I'm hoping he will help me figure out a few things to keep us connected when we cannot be even in touch via email.

  3. DV thank you so much for the post. For M and I it hits home because he is in another state right now at least until July. The distance issue has been a battle we've been fighting for a while and it does weigh heavy on the relationship...as does his schedule right now. It's brought us both to our knees at times and we've both been talking about it...looking for ways to fight against it. As always, your post is an inspiration and came at a time it's needed most.

    Thank you!

  4. This is true. Distance and time, we've been battling both for a while now. It can be VERY draining on a relationship, and yes, easy to lose focus.
    Reuniting is always SO AMAZING, though, you're right.

  5. more than the distance, it's time that is my enemy. I find that I can get through the day happily if I have some sort of contact from Daddy.
    Neither of us like it. I have wrapped my mind over the distance part and even the time till the we meet to a certain extent. I can deal with it.
    What I can't deal with is when we both are so busy with so many things and we can't communicate.... That really rocks our relationships. I've learnt to deal with. I've learnt that no matter what or how long it has been he will always call me.
    Basically you just have to trust and that takes time.
    your words struck a chord with me,