I read a couple of posts this morning that moved me and got me to thinking. Did you feel the ground shake just a bit? No, it wasn't another earthquake or aftershock in Japan...it was just me and the wheels in my head turning at warp speed. One of the posts was by Kitten for Sir and was titled His, mine, O/ours. The other post was written by Sir J at A Dominant Character, and was titled But why do you do it? The general theme of both of these posts is a Dominant dealing with a problem or stressful time, and the role of His submissive during this time.
Yet, when we Dominants have an issue, endure struggles, or face controversy and frustration, we tend to keep it to ourselves. We don't want to bother our submissive with our problems, or burden them with it. We are big, tough, strong Dominants! We don't need anyone's help. We can deal with our own problems. We tend to internalize all that happens to us and keep it inside. We feel the need to find a way to handle it and deal with it ourselves. Sharing our problems, in the male mind, is a sign of weakness to us. We can feel like it diminishes our role and the person we are, if we seem weak and open ourselves up. We are supposed to be superman and be able to deal with anything that is thrown our way. Apparent weakness is our Kryptonite. It is the worst thing that we could possibly imagine.
I have touched on this before at times. Is appearing weak really a bad thing? I don't think so! I think it shows we are human. Is opening up with our issues, struggles and problems really a sign of weakness? I don't think so! I think it is a sign of strength. It is a sign of feeling secure about whom you are as a person and with your partner in your relationship, and not worrying about what others view of you may be. This can be true for any relationship, and not just a D/s dynamic. But, I think it is even more important in this type dynamic. We as a Dominant ask our submissives to respect and trust us in every way, and to do so on a level much deeper than she may have ever done before. Don't we owe them the same amount of trust and respect? Absolutely! For me, I want and need her love, and her care, and her support, and her views to help me get through tough times.
I believe in the long run, it is scenarios like this that will make your relationship stronger. It will bring you closer. It will let her learn to trust and respect you more. You have opened up and shared your own problems, and she has been able to lift you up and help you conquer. She can see that not only do you require this of her, but you are willing to do the same. You are relying on her as much as she is relying on you. Let her be your strength. Once you do, the two of you will become stronger than either of you can ever achieve on your own.