Solidifying Feelings

In my last real post I wrote about time and distance.  We looked at how that can be difficult on a relationship, especially one that involves TTWD.  When a submissive comes to rely on her Dominant so much, or even a Dom needing his sub, time apart and distance between you can be very hard.  There are needs that aren't being met.  There is control that can be lost.  The mind can begin to wander and lose focus.  Each side of a couple can begin to drift if attention isn't paid to this time apart, and measures taken to ensure that everything between you stays strong and firm.

Even in tough times like this, there can be an upside.  There can be good that can come from this.  I was reminded of this very thing yesterday.  It made everything come to light in a different and better way.  It made time and distance seem worthwhile...at least on this occasion.  Even though I don't see time and distance as a something anyone of us want, there are times when it can be good.  There are times when it will make a relationship stronger and will bring a couple closer for the long haul.  I will admit that I have had trouble with seeing this myself, in the past.  Many of us are more concerned about the present and the now, and it can be hard to look forward long term.  Especially when you have needs that you need met RIGHT NOW!!!

By know you are asking "what could be good about this?"  I'll tell you!  When you spend time apart, especially when you have very limited contact with your partner, or maybe none at all, it gives you time to think.  It gives you time to reflect.  It gives you time mull over all the two of you have together.  This time apart can help you understand just how much you need each other.  It can help you realize just how much you rely on each other.  It can help you see just how much your partner really does for you, mentally emotionally, and physically.  It can enable to you see just how important TTWD is to you, and how much you truly do want and need a D/s dynamic (or whatever your dynamic of choice may be).  It can solidify all your feelings in a way that you may not have experienced before.  The feelings you have for each other, and the feelings you have about the dynamic you choose to be a part of together.  This can be a great thing.  It can be a beautiful thing.  In the long run, it can make your relationship much stronger by being tested and put in a position that makes you realize just what you have and how much you need it.

So, there is an up side to time and distance.  There are times that separation can be a good thing.  This sort of fits the old analogy of stepping back so you can see the forest for the trees.  Time apart can be equivalent to stepping back.  It can let you see the bigger picture and see what is most important to you.  At times we all need to be able to step back, remove ourselves from the middle of the hooplah, and see the overall picture.  We can learn from this and gain a fresh perspective.  I for one like the view I see as I am away from the tree and looking at the entire forest.  I hope your view is just a beautiful as mine.

Time and Distance

Time and distance...time and distance...I don't like those two things.  Especially when they are used together.  Of course I'm talking about in the terms of a relationship.  Not enough time, and too much distance...that can create problems.  It can create stress.  It can create a less than ideal atmosphere, especially in a D/s dynamic and relationship.  I have spoken before about not liking long distance relationships.  I stick to that thought process, and don't think it will ever change.  But let's look at the up side of time and distance.  Or rather, let's look at ways to deal with it. 

This article is aimed at those couples that don't live together and/or are not married.  It is for those that get to see each other fairly regularly, but it is not on a daily basis.  Or it could even be for those that are together all the time, but one member of the couple has to travel or be away from home.  Regardless of your situation, separation can cause the mind to wander.  It can cause the mind to veer off course.  You can lose focus on what matters most and become unbalanced.  When a couple is together, the dynamic between them is in place and in full swing.  Everything feels right, and nothing can come between you.  Yet, put some time and distance between you, and the boat seems to rock a bit, at least at times.


Many submissives need some level of attention on a regular basis in regards to the D/s dynamic they are involved in.  They need to know their partner is there.  They need the reminders that their Dom is there to preside over them in some form or fashion, no matter how minor what he does may be.  It makes them feel safe.  It makes them feel at peace.  It helps them feel their place, and fill their needs.  This isn't to say that a Dominant can't feel the same way.  A Dom certainly can, and can require attention from his submissive, and need the dynamic between them just as much as she does. 

So...when separation from each other is unavoidable, I suggest you take steps to keep your relationship on track.  For many of us, you know when you are apart from your partner that your mind and submission or Dominance may wane.  Talk about this together as a couple and figure out ways to keep the dynamic going.  Face the fact that you know this is a potential issue for your relationship.  Find new and fun ways to keep in touch and keep the fire burning.  If you don't then you can spend your time being unbalanced and off track.  This is not a good feeling, and not good for your relationship.  It's always better to try to keep an even keel and keep the mind of you both on a clear path.  Use email, use text messages, send naughty pictures, send dirty comments to each other, hand out assignments to be reported on..just do something.  And most of all, communicate and talk with each other.  Let each other know how you feel and how your mental state is handling the absence.  Together you can work through it and possibly grow closer in the process. 

None of us like to be apart or separated from our partner.  Yet, sometimes life just dictates that it happens.  When it does, make sure that the separation is not an issue in your relationship.  Find ways to keep the fun alive between you both, and look forward to when you can see each other again.  Be prepared to help your partner work through these times.  It will build your relationship, let them know you really do care, and build more trust between you when they know you will care for them even when you can't be there.  Time and distance can be your enemy, but you can combat it.  You can work together to meet your D/s needs, even when separated.  And of course...coming together when you can will be that much sweeter.

How do you do it?!?! (Long Distance)

I read a post a couple of weeks ago that stayed with me.  The post was written by Discerning Dom and was titled "Long Distance".  Because I have been there and done that, I know exactly how this feels.  I have kept trying to think of a way to write this, but have had trouble with it.  So the only thing I know to do is tell you how I feel about this. 

In the post, Discerning Dom speaks of his own personal long distance relationship, and how he goes about dealing with it on a daily basis.  I have done the online D/s thing.  There are ways to make it work, between email, text, chat, phone, etc...  In this day and age it is easy to meet people from all over the country, if not the world.  Things aren't like they used to be.  It used to be that you met someone through the travels of your life.  Whether it be school, work, church, Friday night at the bar, the hot chick working behind the counter at the movie rental store, or whatever other way you can think about.  These days you never have to leave your house.  Fire up the ole computer and away you go.  You can be talking and chatting with people from god knows where within minutes.  My point being...it's not hard to strike up an electronic conversation and begin discussions with someone.  I'm not by any means saying this is wrong, or that I'm against it.  Just pointing out that we live in a very mobile and fluid society these days, and it is much easier to connect with those that interest you, from all over the world. 

I was asked a question and gave an honest answer on my other blog, Dauntless Arousal, that had to do with long distance relationships.  My answer was that I wish for more than what a long distance relationship can give.  I have been involved in them, and have dealt with them from a D/s dynamic and perspective.  They can be fun and enjoyable, and you can even really connect with someone and develop true feelings for them in this manner.  This type relationship can have everything but the physical connection.  And that is where I begin to have my problem. 

For me personally, I need the physical connection.  I need to be able to touch and be touched.  I need to be able to take all I have discussed with someone and put it into practice.  It's one thing to control and demand things of a sub over a distance.  It's another thing to be able to do that to them in person.  If I am involved in something long distance, especially one where there is really no chance of ever seeing each other, then I find myself lacking after a point.  I need more, and more is something I can't have.  I also reach a point where I feel I can only take a sub so far under those circumstances.  I hit a wall and feel as though I can't really do much more than I am already doing. 

I don't want any of you to think I am down on long distance relationships.  That's not my intention.  If it works for you, you enjoy it, and you get what you need from it, then great for you.  I just find that for me, while it may serve it's purpose short term, long term I have trouble with it.  I need more, and want to give more, than what distance can offer.  This may leave me alone (so to speak), but at times the being involved and needing, yet not being able to have, can be worse than doing without all together.