April 23, 2011

Finding Mr Right

There are several blogs I have been reading lately about a submissive looking for the right Dominant man.  One of these is The empty collar.  In this blog she knows exactly what she is looking for and won't settle for anything less.  She has experience and knows what is good for her and was isn't.  I applaud this on so many levels.  I read a post last night by thesubmissivebf titled You never know until you ask.  The point of this post is that in the right circumstances your views can be wide open.  You are much more willing to do certain things and try new things with the right person, than you would be with someone else, or the wrong person.  Both of these blogs center around a central theme...finding "Mr. Right" and having that special person that clicks with everything you need.

 This theme goes back in part to the series I did on Chemistry.  I encourage you to scroll back and read that series if you haven't read them.  It is all about finding the perfect partner, and what it is like when you find your perfect match and someone you have a connection with like no one else, and also how this relates to a D/s dynamic.  I think what thesubmissivebf points out is something which almost all of us can relate.  I know I can and have been thinking bout this very thing myself lately. 

When you are with the right person, you have trust oozing out your ears, and you want and need each other like nothing you have ever felt, this lends itself to so many new potential experiences.  It enables your mind to open up and be more free and accepting than you may have ever known before. Especially when it comes to situations of a sexual nature, your willingness to try new activities will be endless with the right partner.  The more you try, the more you will like.  The like will become a love, and the love will become a need.  For a submissive who finds the right Dom, she can begin, through her submission, to discover experiences she never even thought about.  She will find that she is willing to do things that once were taboo.

I will give you a few examples.  Let's start with spanking.  There are a lot of women who say they don't like spankings, or any pain for that matter.  I'm sure there are plenty who truly have not one masochistic bone in their body, and don't want to experience pain in any way.  I have also dealt with submissives who have said this, yet once they are exposed to it they find some enjoyment in it.  As this develops, the need grows more and more.  They need to feel themselves submit in that way.  The pain is actually arousing when delivered in the right circumstances and by the right hand.  For most, it's a control mechanism.  They need to feel the power and control their Dom has over them...that they have given to their Dom.  It really doesn't matter what the activity is, they need to more than anything to submit.

Another situation is rough sex in general.  As part of submitting and giving up control, a submissive can need to be handled roughly.  She needs to feel man-handled, so to speak, and feel the power and control, or her lack thereof.  As time progresses, so does her need for rough play.  In a situation of my own, the woman was very sexual in nature.  She loved being pampered and the softer side of the relationship, and all the physical aspects of us being together.  Through the magical hands of DV, she could be made to feel things, and orgasm like she never had previously.  Yet, at certain times she really craved the roughness.  As a result, her sexual experience was heightened by this type play.  She would cum harder and more intensely the rougher I was with her.  Each and every time, it would have to be stepped up.  She needed more and more.  Vanilla was not enough.  She was getting deeper and deeper into her submission and her need for what I could give her.  As many of us have talked about before, once you go here there is no turning back.  Anything less is never enough.

(As a disclaimer I will say this...I don't ever at all condone rough play without full consent of both parties.  It takes time, respect and trust to get to this level.  It has to be consensual.  HAS TO BE!  Otherwise it is abusive!  There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it in my book.  So let that be clear to everyone that reads this.) 

To get to this place, it takes chemistry.  It takes a connection.  It takes two people being on the same page completely and totally.  But if you can find the right person, then the possibilities and experiences are endless.  Being able to completely open your mind to these possibilities is a magical experience.  You can find things you never even thought about, and they can become a true need.  With the right person, you will be willing to do things that you never would even consider with someone else.  So, for all of the subs out there looking for "Mr. Right", don't give up hope.  He is out there.  You will eventually find him.  Don't settle for less than what you want and need just to be with someone.  Once you do find him, the relationship will be all you ever hoped, and then some.  For those of you that have already found this with someone, then you know exactly what I am talking about.  You have felt and experienced this.  You know just how priceless it is to have found your "Mr. Right"!


  1. Thank you for the wonderful post. Everything you said was true and I hang on to words he is out there, don't give up.
    Some days are tougher than others to remember and I find myself wondering if my standards are too high. Then I read a posting like this and push those thoughts right back where they belong, because I deserve to be happy.
    Thanks for re-enforcing my beliefs :)

  2. Trust and chemistry are important and beautiful. I do think they can be misunderstood when confused with needing to be flawless, perfect partners. It takes time, even after Mr. Right or Miss Right appears, to truly build that right relationship together. Feelings will be hurt, trust may be jshaken, and chemistry tested. The more at peace I am inside my heart with both my flaws and strengths, the more prepared I feel about the uncertainty of love, and just embracing whatever the future holds.

    Thanks for your encouraging words,


  3. Ah the wisdom of DV...

    Finding that "magical" place where two meld as one, there is nothing greater, nothing more beautiful, nothing that can reach in and touch your soul deeper than that!
    It is so worth all the toads along the way to find the One ... Thank you for the reminder!

  4. As someone who has just started this journey with a man who is looking very like Mr Right I found this post an inspiring glimpse of how things can be. Thank you

  5. sbf...You are more than welcome. And thank you for your post that helped inspire this one. We all have good days and bad ones. Hang in there. What you seek is there, and when the timing is right it will happen.

    K...You are exactly correct, which I tried to point out, that even when you find each other, it is still a somewhat slow process. You can't jump from A to Z without going through all the other letters first. There will always be issues at times in any relationship. It's the ability to work through those issues, and have a stronger and closer relationship because of it that is a great success.

    Histoy...I agree! That place where two meld as one. It is magical. There are a lot of frogs out there. But there is also the Prince. The journey to find him can be long and...well, daunting. ;) But t is so worth it in the end when you find Him.

    Alice...Thank you and you're welcome! Sounds like you know exactly what it is like to have found "The One". Congrats for you. I wish you all the best in your journey!


  6. Great post...again. Thank-you. Yes...I am at the point where I cannot settle I want that complete connection you speak of. Nothing less will suffice. :)