One thing I wanted to touch on is my need for connection and being Dominant. This was even more brought to light by an email I received in reference to my post "Chemistry 101". In this email, my ability to Dominate was questioned based on me being too "touchy feely" with my emotions and too feminine acting. That a Dominant is supposed to be more hardcore, strict and course in his actions and approach. That I shouldn't be so openly expressive about my emotions to a submissive and my need for her, as it sounds submissive in itself. It makes me sound weak. I am paraphrasing, but that is the gist of it. What do I have to say about that? BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!! The funniest part of the whole thing, is I never even got mad about it. If this person was trying to get under my skin...it didn't work. In fact, it made me laugh, as this person really has no clue or understanding of what it means to be so in tune with their partner.
Let me explain this a bit further. For males especially, it can be very hard for us to openly express our emotions and feelings. It is not viewed generally as characteristic of a strong man. This is a stereotype that has been around forever. I don't like it and think it's a bunch of crap. I think it shows that I am strong and I am secure with who I am. I think that if you can't talk about, realize, understand, and express your own emotions, wants, and needs openly with your partner, then you are the weak and insecure one. It takes a strong person, male or female, to be able to open up and tell their partner all they are holding inside. To be able to share like that takes strength. It is making you vulnerable to your core, and most men avoid that at all cost. I'm not suggesting this will work, or should be done by everyone. This is just me, who I am and what works for me personally. But I do think that being as open as possible has much more upside than downside.
So, by now you asking...how does this translate into D/s (or whatever dynamic you are in)? I will tell you! As a Dominant, and like many other Dominants out there, I expect my partner to be open and fully communicate with me. Is it fair and just for me to require and ask that of her and not be willing to do that myself? Not at all! This isn't a one-way street. She needs to be able to understand me, my needs, and my desires to be able to be the best for me she can be. Just as I need to fully understand hers to be as good as I can be in her eyes. How can I expect her to be her best if I'm not willing to share my thoughts and feelings with her?!?! She isn't a mind reader. She may try her best, because she doesn't want to disappoint, but running blind like that is a recipe for disaster in my book. Be open, be on the same page, and be willing to work with your partner. This is the only way to make it great!
Now let's take this one step further. If we look back to my original post, I talked about chemistry, connection, attraction, and the feeling that you have met your eternal soul mate. Isn't this what you want in a D/s relationship? It should be! You should want that complete and total connection with someone. Someone that makes you feel complete and whole. Someone that makes you feel more special than you ever have before. And this is before we even bring D/s into the equation. D/s requires respect for each other, a lot of trust, and there are a lot of raw emotions that become involved. So why on earth would you not want your partner to be this total connection I have spoken about. Not just a mutual interest in D/s, but a connection on every possible level. When you have this connection and feel as one emotionally, then everything you do can be taken to new heights. You can experience things like never before. It can take you higher than any drug you can think about.
Without the emotional connection, you will always be lacking. You can never reach as high as if you did have it. It is something extremely special. As a Dom, you will be able to push her further and harder, based on her trust, respect and the connection the two of you have. Without this connection, the two of you will never be able to fully reach your potential. There will always be a roadblock. With the connection, the sky is the limit. Who knows how far the two of you can go and what all you will experience together. But together, feeling as soul mates, and connected with each other like never before in your life...that is one ride that I know for sure I don't want to miss.