March 23, 2011

Chemistry 301 (Need and Addiction)

All of you thought you were here to read sex blogs, learn about bdsm, get turned on and aroused, and get a glimpse into other peoples relationship dynamics.  You had no idea I was taking you back to less to chemistry class.  And just for the record, I got out of high school chemistry by the skin of my teeth, and avoided it completely in college.  :)  But alas, we are talking about a different kind of chemistry, aren't we?!?!  The kind that occurs between two people and pulls them together into a relationship.  The kind that makes two people want each other, feel good around each other, and need each other.  Chemistry 301 is all about NEED! 

I mentioned in Chemistry 101 that you can feel so connected to someone that this special connection and chemistry between you could take you higher than any drug ever could.  I'm not going to get into the actual chemical responses of the brain, in dealing with either a relationship or illegal drugs (or even legal ones for that matter).  That's left to the scientists, which I am certain not one.  Yet, there does definitely seem to be some emotional, and I'm sure chemical, reactions within the brain that drive us. There are many times you meet someone, and you just can't totally explain what you are feeling, yet it just doesn't feel right.  The opposite is true as well.  Maybe you can't fully express in words what you are feeling, but you know with this person it just feels right. 

As this continues, your relationship grows and builds, and as you become closer, this special connection and chemistry becomes much more than that.  It begins to evolve into a deep yearning, desire and need.  You begin to rely on your partner for much more than you have anyone in the past, or at least in a long time.  You feel like they are a part of you.  Like they are the missing piece that completes you.  Like they make you feel whole.  This is where NEED really comes in and starts to develop.  The more you are together, the more you need the other person.  You begin to feel lost without having them.  You are driven to be with this person.  They seem to fit you like a tailor made glove, and nothing about your relationship ever seems wrong or out of place.  The growing need for each other can even become physical.  For example...there is an old saying "I need you so bad it hurts", or "I miss you so bad it hurts".  There is some definite truth to this.  The need may be emotional, but it can manifest itself to be felt in a physical way.

This need can manifest on multiple levels.  The first is an emotional level.  You can grow into being so content and comfortable with your partner that you need them emotionally.  You need to have them in your life.  You need to hear their voice.  You need to be in contact with them.  There is an emotional need for their love, care and attention.  You may go hours or days and not hear from them, and begin to feel alone and distraught.  But then when you do hear from them, your whole demeanor changes.  You feel uplifted and much better about yourself.  That is a big part of the emotional connection and need. It's not only being attracted and feeling a connection, but how that person makes you feel about yourself.  It's a constant circle of making each other feel good about the relationship, your partner and yourself.  It's feeling wanted, needed, and appreciated as much as you feel the same about them.

The second area the need for someone can manifest itself is in a physical manner.  When you have all these other things going on (emotions, connection, chemistry), it naturally makes you want to be physical with this person.  That is a natural human response.  When things seem perfect and right, then the physical aspect of the relationship can really kick into gear.  And when things feel perfect on a physical level, they just keep going.  Whether it's kissing, touching, petting, actual sexual intercourse, or whatever you may be doing.  The more you do, the more you want, the more you want to give, the more you want to experience, the more you want your partner to experience, and so on.  The need to be with that person physically really takes off.  If you are in a position like myself, where you can't be with your partner constantly, then this is where the need takes over.  You are apart but feel the need to be with them.  You need to feel their touch.  You need to feel their lips on yours.  You need to be able to make them feel as good as they make you feel.  You need to be able to physically connect on a very basic and primitive, yet intimate level.  In basic terms, you need to be able to feel skin on feel yourself get so aroused that you think you are going to explode just from their touch...and to know they are feeling the same thing you are.  Being apart can be hard and can make this need grow even more.  It's difficult to want and need someone so bad but not be able to do anything about it.  However, it does make the times when you can see each other, that much more special and intense.

The need for another person, especially when the two of you seem so absolutely perfect together, can become and addiction.  It's just like with any can become addicted and need your fix.  The need can drive you to be together and take each other as high as you can possibly imagine.  Being apart can be the same as not being able to have your drug, and you can experience withdrawals.  I do believe it's possible to miss or need someone so bad it hurts (withdrawals).  Together, everything seems perfect, there isn't a care in the world, and nothing else exists or matters.  Apart you just need more of what you have had and what you know only that person can give you and how they can make you feel.  It is very possible to get to a point where you say..."I'm addicted to you!"

Since I said this series is about me and my own emotions, I will say this...I believe in everything I have said.  I have been there and felt it all for myself.  I love the feeling of all the emotions, the connection, the chemistry, the need, the desire, and the addiction of finding that special person that makes you feel like no one else possibly ever has.  I don't want my partner to hold back.  Feed my need.  Feed my addiction.  Make me want and need you more than anything else.  I want to feel all of "this" without question or hesitation.  Make me feel like I can't live without you as a part of my life.  When I have this total connection, need and addiction with someone, there is no better feeling in the world!  When I have this and feel this way, not only do I want you to be mine completely and totally, but you will have all of me as well.  Be mine and I will be yours.  Let's be addicted together!  Nothing else could possibly be better than that!


  1. you've got it! let's feed this addiction!

  2. Oh DV i got butterflies (is the best way i could describe it) in my stomach reading parts of this. You describe everything so well the whole emotional feeling of touch, smell, taste all the primative feelings that explode inside of you when you have that chemistry with that someone special.

    What a lovely addiction.

    blossom xx

  3. And the withdrawals when you don't get it are a stone cold bitch...

  4. Nice post. Chemistry defies simple logic that is for sure. The first time he called, his voice sounded familiar even though we'd never met. I told him we shouldn't get too carried away before meeting in person, because we can't predict how the chemistry will be. "Baby we'll make the chemistry, right?" was his Dominant response. It was like a drug for sure, he said it with such power, I couldn't argue. "Right," I said. And we did.


  5. you should probably write about those withdrawals too in detail... because I've definietly been at the point where I feel, "I need you so bad, it hurts".
    But that being said, I know it's an addiction and I'm addicted.
    And you know what you are talking about when you say, you make each other feel good. You feel good about yourself after being connected with your partner.
    I like this post :)

  6. Anon...
    All I can say is keep feeding it. For me personally, I never get enough!

    I is a lovely addiction when you find this. It's definitely something to hold onto and not let go. Glad I could give you the butterflies! What man doesn't like to give a woman butterflies?!?! ;)

    God knows that is right. It's horrible!

    "Chemistry defies simple logic". Where have I heard that before?!?! I have had conversations about that very thing. The logical brain is saying one thing, but the emotions and feelings are saying something totally different. It is almost impossible to deny the feeling that things are just right, whether you can explain it or not.

    Needing someone so bad it hurts...maybe I will write on that. Hmmm...! But yes, it isn't just about you in a relationship. It's about how you feel about them, how you make them feel, and how they make you feel about yourself. There are many layers to the puzzle that all seem to fit together just so.


  7. Hello :o),

    I met my soulmate, best friend & Master in an online gaming world.. SL.. I was with a man for 18 years and had four children with him.. I hid my submissive side from him and all those around me until I was 34... I met my soulmate, I knew this man for 2 weeks online and told him everything I had ever desired, wanted and needed... I let him in completely, strange for me as I am naturally shy and never let my walls down for anyone. I felt for all these years I was filthy and disgusting, for a woman to want to be chained up and used was just plain sick. Then he came along and showed me that it was natural, he taught me how to love me for me and never hide that side from him, because he loved me for who I am... that was over three years ago... Ever since the first hello was uttered, we have spoken online and or on the phone non stop. We finally bit the bullet in October last year and met.

    The months leading up to us meeting was filled with, "OMG what if there is no spark in real life" and what if we don't have the chemistry we have online... this man knew and knows everything about me even down to my freckles in nether regions ;p... so I was hitting panic buttons... I have never been one to be confident within myself... so it came to that day... at first I didn't think he would show, he called me every 2 hours on his way to let me know where he was and still I didn't believe it would happen, the final hour was like walking through quicksand as I sat on my front steps waiting for him... my head just started buzzing with the "what if's" again... I was so sick to my stomach with worry I contemplated pulling out because I thought... I don't want to lose the beautiful connection we have, if we don't have it in real life, what then? do we lose our amazing friendship? I couldn't live with out having him and I the way we were. It was such a scary thought, losing this perfectly wonderful man, I had fallen so deeply in love with, that I couldn't explain it in words, if we didn't click.... what then?... my life would of been over, without him in it... I felt I could be nothing again...

    Then he came.... drove into my drive way... heehee looking back now, he was so nervous, I didn't feel so bad that I was a nervous wreck, I walked straight up to him (and I didn't even mistep or trip, like I thought I was going to).. wrapped my arms around him and kissed him on the lips... my fears were gone in an instant, we hopped into the car and took off for our week long getaway ... the conversation at first was a little shy, but before we got there we were chatting like two old mates...

    the week was magical, I barely remember all of it, my head was buzzing so much.. the D/s connection between us also came so naturally. The week was fantastic.. and we still had lots to talk about even though we have typed millions of words to each other over the years and spoken countless times on the phone...

    we are planning another trip together in July... and you are right... I do need him so badly it does hurt, I also know he feels the same way. You reminded me of him when I read your Blogs, he actually showed them to me.

    Our collaring is in July...

    He is amazing and my love for him is something I can never explain in words. Something I never thought I would live to see... is someone that completes me and in turn I do for him as well..

    Thank you for your chemsitry blogs... they have shown me again how lucky we are to have found "US"

    Molly :o) (sorry for the long winded comment)

  8. Molly...
    Thanks so much for your comment. I don;t at all mind the length. You had something to share and explain so you take all the space you need. I'm glad these posts spoke to you so vividly. you really seemed have lived and understand exactly what I was trying to say and explain. You are hope and acknowledgment for us all that this does exist, does happen, and can be found. From me and all my readers, thank you so much for telling us your story.