March 6, 2011

what should I do if my Dom is requiring more of me than I am prepared to give? Also, I feel like I'm not really getting anything back from him. I love him but I don't know what to do.... advice?

Thanks for the questions. The most important thing here is something that should be an integral part of every relationship, not matter what the dynamic is...communication. If you feel you are being pushed beyond where you are comfortable or want to go, then you should bring this up to him and have an open discussion about it. It's not about arguing and upsetting anyone. It's about you being able to express your concerns and what you do want and expect, as well as he expressing what he needs and why he has taken you so far. In any D/s dynamic, a sub needs to be able to share her thoughts, views, wants and needs. They can't be met if she doesn't share them, and her Dom should always be willing to listen to what she has to input into the relationship.

I'm all about pushing boundaries and limits. I think you have to push past your comfort zone to e able to progress and grow. Yet it needs to be done in steps. You have to walk before you run. You have to be worked up to the greater level of involvement. You can't just jump from A to D...you need to also go through B and C. A good and caring Dom will be happy to work with you on your concerns, take a look at things, and take a step back when necessary to be able to re-gain some footing. There will always be times in a relationship, especially D/s, where you hit a wall, and run into a potential conflict. These times show how strong the two of you are by how you can work each other through it and become stronger together n the end.

I hope this helps you at least a little bit. Feel free to let em know if you have further questions or concerns.

DV

Ask me anything

4 comments:

little said...

Yet another one that resonates with me right now...the advice DV...common sense really.
Lx

DauntlessVitality said...

I agree that the advice seems like common sense. Yet for many of us, especially when we are in the midst of the turmoil ourselves, it can be hard to see what others see as obvious. We can be too close to the situation to be able to see it clearly. It helps sometimes to be able to talk it through with an uninvolved third person to be able to get a more clear picture of the situation.

Thanks for the question!

DV

reina(RT) said...

For all of those who ask DV these kinds of questions, you have choosen wisly. He gives great advice.

Miss Picky said...

I agree, he should charge us!!! We all learn here, thanks DV.