March 18, 2011

Chemistry 101

There is a topic that has been on my mind lately.  It goes way beyond TTWD.  Or actually, it happens outside of TTWD.  It is totally separate, yet is the most vital and basic of all necessities.  I have had multiple conversations recently in regards to this.  It has nothing to do with giving yourself to someone, or desiring to be in control of someone.  It has nothing to do with being submissive or being dominant.  It is and has everything to do with...CHEMISTRY.   

There is something very raw and basic about attraction.  Yet, initial physical attraction only goes so far.  There is so much beyond attraction.  For two people to go further and get beyond initial attraction there has to be a connection.  There has to be chemistry between them.  They have to understand each other, be able to think along the same lines, have similar wants and needs, and have similar goals.  Many times the chemistry between two people can't even be expressed and put into words.  Yet, it is an electrifying feeling that you know is there.  It can even be a gut feeling where things just seem to fit into place and just feel right.

I have met women in the past, based on our mutual desire for D/s.  We may email a bit, and then plan a meeting.  But after the meeting it just wasn't there for me.   Whether it was lack of attraction, lack of a connection and chemistry, or whatever the reason.  Sometimes I just haven't been able to put my finger on what the reason is, but it just didn't feel right.  We could both want a D/s dynamic and be on the same page with that, but if the rest isn't there, then for me it just isn't going to work.  I need more!  I need a mental and emotional connection.  I don't want just a physical relationship with someone.  I need a relationship on many levels.  I don't want just her body...I want her mind.  Once you really connect with someone, have great chemistry, and have an emotional connection, then the physical aspect of the relationship can go so much further than just a physical relationship alone.

The example I have used in the past is can be a super-model, be gorgeous, and want me to do every bad thing to you in the world that sounds great to me.  But...if you are dumb as a rock, can't hold a conversation, and can't stimulate my mind to some degree on an intellectual level, then it will never work.  I'm ultimately not going to be or stay interested.  I feel the more you connect with someone on a mental and emotional level, the more attractive they become.  Physical attributes can only take you so far, at least with me.

When you find someone, that special person you totally have this chemistry with, then it is the greatest feeling in the world.  Nothing feels better.  You can enjoy talking about anything under the sun.  You feel wanted as much as you want.  You feel important and like a priority to them.  You feel giddy and like you are smiling all the time for no reason.  You get overly excited every time you see an email from them, or their name and number on your caller ID.  You get butterflies just thinking about them.  You can't wait until you get to see them again.  It's not even about the sex or potential sex (which may be absolutely fantastic in its own right).  It's more about being with that person.  It's about how you feel and they make you feel when you are with them.  It's like an electrical current flowing back and forth when you touch each other.  It's all the little things that may normally sound silly and pointless, but are important now.

Having that special chemistry is something we should all want and need.  To need to have that feeling with someone.  That person that you call your best friend, your partner in crime, your lover, your confidante, and any other term that you can describe.  When you find that with someone it is truly special and amazing.  It is something you need to hold onto tight and never let it go.  It doesn't come around everyday.  Some people look for this for what seems like a lifetime.  Give all you have to that person, and never regret being open and vulnerable to them.  Let them see every piece of you, just as you want to see that in them.  When you do find and have this, whatever dynamic plays out within the relationship will be that much deeper and more involved.  You will both give more and get more in return.  It is something to never take for granted.  Love it and nurture it every single day as though it was your last.  It's not too hard to remember what things were like before this person came along. whatever it takes to keep the fire going.  Don't let go!


  1. DV...As i have told you many times before you are a gifted writer and I think we have a lot in common when it comes to our thoughts and feelings.

    I wish that we lived closer to see if we had that chemistry

  2. Dauntless,

    I've been wanting to comment on your blog for a while and I finally convinced myself today is the day! Carpe diem and all that.

    I enjoy your insights (especially on topics where I'm completely clueless like chemistry between two people). When I think of chemistry I think literally. Attraction causes the brain to release endorphins which starts a chain reaction where all kinds of feel good hormones and chemicals are released in your body, but I think what you're talking about goes beyond that. Not a physical chemistry but a mental/emotional chemistry where your thoughts, beliefs, and personality mix perfectly to create a "chemical" compound that could become a long lasting, loving relationship.

    It's kind of scary to mix those chemicals because some mixtures can be down right dangerous while others can create a beautiful reaction. In the last paragraph you said "let them see every piece of you," and I know that's true, but I think it would be hard to keep putting different parts of yourself into the "mixture" because each new piece could cause a reaction that could change what you already have for the better or for the worse.

    I enjoyed the post. Thank you for sharing!


  3. Carrie...
    As always thanks for you sweet comments. We do definitely think a lot alike.

    Thanks for commenting. No need to hide in the background. Feel free to step up and make your voice heard. I'm glad you finally made that move.

    You threw a lot out there, so let me try to make sense of this and comment back. I think the chemistry you speak of and that I do, is all one homogeneous blend. I think if you have the chemistry, your brain will react positively with the endorphins and such. But yes, it is also most definitely an emotional chemistry to create a lasting relationship. I'm not so sure your thinking and mine can really be separated. you can't have one without the other. they occur together and work simultaneously.

    I think mixing the chemicals, like you said, is where it either works or it doesn't. If it does, then you get the chemistry I spoke about with someone...a beautiful reaction. If it doesn't, then it is a reaction that tells you it isn't going to work. I don't know that I would call it dangerous, but it is not a good reaction nonetheless. Either you have the chemistry or you don't.

    The last part, seeing every piece of a person, is sort of a different topic altogether, to a degree. For me, if I have something this special with someone, and have that "chemistry" and it grows deeper between us, then I want every single piece. I want the good and the bad. I want to know and be familiar with it all. If I feel so connected with someone to have all these feelings, then I want to know all of them. It is all these pieces that make that person who they are. I want to know and cherish all of them. And that I believe is what we call "Love". It's not only liking and wanting all the good parts, but being ok with, knowing and understanding all the not so good parts. Then, even knowing those things, you still want that person more than you can possibly describe. I don't want a front put on by someone that only shows me what I want to see. I want to see all of them. Yes that makes us vulnerable, and forces us to open up and share ourselves completely. Maybe more so than we ever have before. For the right special person, I'm willing to do that. I want to be able to be that way and feel that free with someone. I would hope that they would as well. That's what loving and caring and giving your all to someone is least in my opinion.


  4. I just had this conversation with a man who believes the same as you...there needs to be a connection. The most important part is right between your ears, he said. We have met once, started talking during the day and this weekend we are going out together. We shall see where it leads.
    Thanks for your post.

  5. Little One...

    Sounds like a very smart man to me! ;) You have been talking and met once...and you still have a date this weekend. Sounds like you are meeting his criteria and what he wants. That bodes well. I wish you all the best, and hope it goes well for you.


  6. Very well written and when that connection is so strong it can be overwhelming to both. There is nothing in world greater than sharing that bond and knowing that my girl is foreveteams securely tethered to me.

    Be well,

  7. Omega...
    Thanks for the comment. I agree...there is nothing greater than sharing that kind of bond. And being overwhelmed with the connection. It's can be the greatest feeling in the world.


  8. As always your words are most true. This reader certainly enjoyed the wisdom and truth in that post.


  9. I feel the same way. There is something about chemistry. after the sex there has to be something more.

  10. Everything you talked about is exactly how I feel. Not only do I want the physical interaction and sexual nature of a D/s pairing, I need to emotionally and intellectually connect and develop an actual long, lasting relationship with my Dom. My Daddy and I had amazing chemistry, which is why I started to develop feelings for him that moved into wanting a relationship. Unfortunately for me, that is not what he is looking for and he is not interested in being a boyfriend. He was clear on that from the beginning, but the intensity of our chemistry and our play sessions brought out some deep feelings in me that I couldn't hold back. So, now, my search for what you talk about in this post continues. Thank you :)

  11. Anon...
    Thank you very much! Glad you enhjoyed!

    I agree there does need to be more. At least for me.

    Sorry to hear about your situation. But everyone is different. What I describe is not what everyone ants or is looking for. Some just want the physical side of things. I personally do not, and don't feel it can be as good as it gets on the physical without the emotional. But that is just me.

    Once I read your post I thought to myself...I sound like a woman. LOL! That didn't even cross my mind when I wrote it though. I think for the most part, it's easier for males to have a strictly physical relationship. Females tend to lean towards needing an emotional connection to be physical. Maybe that's just stereotyping, I don't know. But this is me and who I am, sounding like a woman or not. I don't make a good fuck buddy, so to speak. I always find myself needing more. It can be fun at first, but it leaves me missing something and longing for more. I need a deeper connection and the emotions. That drives me. Don't get me wrong, I am male and love the physical aspects of any relationship. But I have to have more than that. I want more than that. I NEED more than that.


  12. is like you are looking deep within someones soul and can explain exactly how they want to feel, I felt so naked as I read your is so WOWSERS!!
    thank you :)