December 29, 2011

Tis The Season To...Receive?

There are many women in this world who are in positions of authority.  They may hold a position within a business that puts them in charge.  Maybe they run their own business.  Maybe they are a Doctor or Lawyer.  Whatever the position and career, a woman can be in a position where she has to make decisions, direct other people, give orders, make choices that directly affect the outcome of a situation and greatly affects those around her.  She is constantly giving her thoughts, mind, intellect, and experience to others. 

A recent conversation revealed something to me.  Let me explain.  There are women in positions of power outside the home, as mentioned before, who are very successful in their careers.  They make a great living for their family and provide very well.  Their career has blossomed, and they have made great strides in becoming more and better within their chosen field.  Yet, they still are not happy.  There is still something missing.  They feel like they aren't enough.  Even at home they have people who rely on them to see to the household, and to their needs.  So, not only do they give all they can at work, but also have to give even more of themselves at home.  Always feeling like they aren't enough, they keep trying to give more, which continues to make them unhappy.  It's a constant cycle of spiraling downward.  Happiness in your professional life doesn't usually translate to overall happiness.  there has to be a balance between the professional and the personal side. 

Some of these women I speak of, at least for the point of this post, also happen to be submissive.  When many of us think of a submissive, we think about her giving.  We think about her giving herself, pleasing her partner, doing as he desires and requests, etc...  It is all about her giving, and finding pleasure in that.  That is a degree.  But, when she gives at work and gives at home, and doesn't receive anything tangible in return, that is where the unhappiness sets in.  

This very well may not just apply to a submissive woman, but women in general.  They can only give so much without receiving in return.  They need to feel the strength of their partner.  They need to feel wanted and needed.  They need to feel appreciated and valued.   They need the structure and discipline that they receive from their partner.  When at home, they need to be able to follow and be guided.  In some cases they need to be held accountable and held to strict obedience.  They need to feel all of these things from their partner/Master/Dom.  This is what keeps them balanced and centered.  This is what makes them feel normal and like themselves.  Without it they can feel lost and not knowing how to steer the ship straight.

It all begins at home.  It all is based within your personal relationship with your partner.  If you are unhappy with this aspect of your life, then it will carry over to your professional life.  If you are happy and content in your personal life, then your professional life tends to look that much brighter.  Submission by a woman isn't all about is also about receiving.  A woman has to feel that she is receiving what she needs, or she will not be able to give the way she may like, or her partner may expect. 

To all you men, Dominants, and Masters, I leave you with this little's not all about what she gives you.  It's not all about what you can take from her.  What she receives from you is a big part of the equation.  If she doesn't receive what she needs, then she can never be what you need her to be.  She will never be happy, and then...well...what's the point.  After all, this is about fulfilling the mutual needs of each other. 

To all the women, submissives, and slaves I say's ok to need.  It's ok to expect your partner to give you what you need in your relationship, just as you give and offer to him what he needs.  It's ok to look at your relationship and understand that you do need to have your needs met.  It's ok to not just give, but to receive.  Tis the season for not only giving, but...for receiving!


  1. This rang so true for me. Thank you DV for your tremendous insight and for sharing your words of wisdom.

    Take care. Sky

  2. As always, very well said.

  3. Your post is true, and yet, for me, if I am giving to Daddy I feel so much joy and happiness.

    Of course, he makes me feel needed and wanted, too, so I guess it's like a wheel that keeps going around and around.

    He needs my respect and I need his love. As long as we're both getting what we need then our relationship is amazingly complete, with no discontent on either side.

    Thanks for the thought provoking post, DV!


  4. While I agree with the general sentiment that a woman needs to receive attention, love and care from her man, I can tell you from experience with a very vanilla significant other that many women do not want to be guided, disciplined or given structure. My vanilla woman does not want any of those things. She wants equality. And it's not that she's outspoken about it, but in the past when I would tell her I wanted her to be submissive for me, she would balk and say "that's not fair." If I tell her how to do something, she doesn't always want to hear it. She'd rather figure it our. If I tried to impose a "rule" on her she would feel like I was treating her like a child.

    And now that I know what a submissive woman is like (and one who has that successful professional career by the way) I realize there are some women who do like direction, guidance and a man to Master them. But not all. Just as, I suspect, there are men who don't want to Master. I think it's more common for men to want to control, but few could call themselves Masters or Dominants in any meaningful sense of that word.

    What distinguishes an effective Dominant or Master, in my opinion, is exactly what you talk about--respect, caring and most importantly giving back at least what you receive. When a submissive gives herself up to you, she gives you everything. You have to be responsible enough to constantly give a lot back.

  5. Thank you for posting this DV. Women often sacrifice their own happiness to please others. Men of course are vulnerable to do so. I think as a society, women are more vulnerable to it.

    Anyhow, yes.. whether man, woman, trans, what have you.... a relationship is a two way street. Allowing ourselves to be with someone who meets our needs, is the gift we give ourselves which allows us to give more genuinely. Otherwise, resentment builds. At least from my experience.

    End comment :)


  6. Well said, DV. And if i add in Wolf's comment, i think it's perfect. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


  7. Very well said. A concept I had tried to share with my former Sir, but was not able to put so eloquently into words.

  8. Boy does that discribe my life .