Finding More Balance

The first post in the series was titled Finding Our Balance.  In that post we took a look at how a power exchange relationship can affect your outlook and your overall view of life.  That having this type relationship in your life can help keep you balanced, centered, and an overall happier person in general.  The comments received seemed to back up this position, as they were all positive and exhibited how TTWD has had a positive affect on people's lives. 

To those that aren't too familiar with this lifestyle, it may seem that this would lead me, or anyone else for that matter, to say that everyone needs a D/s relationship because it makes you more balanced.  My answer...Not even close!  For some, this just isn't for them.  It doesn't fit or meet their needs.  They could care less or think this is wrong, and that is their right to believe and feel that way.  This post is for those that are in the lifestyle, learning it, teetering on the fence,  or those still trying to find themselves. 

After reading the comments of the last post, one theme stood out to me to be at the forefront of the whole dynamic for everyone that commented...Acceptance!  there is a very common theme about being involved in this and finally feeling accepted and able to completely be yourself.  The word "liberating" was even mentioned a few times.  It has been discovered by people that there is nothing wrong with you.  It is alright to want the things you do, and even more so that those things can be expected of you.  It can be very relaxing and freeing to find that you can embrace all that you are and need to be, and without the worry of what is thought of you or that you are doing something that is looked down upon. 

This leads me to my next question.  Is it really TTWD that enables us to feel balanced and centered, or is it the acceptance by our partner of who we are and all we want and need?  Does this lifestyle bring about calm and stability within our lives, or is it finding a partner that embraces this side of us and what we feel we really need as a part of our lives?  I personally think it is both.  I think we all want and need this lifestyle or we wouldn't be here.  It is a part of us and who we need to be.  Yet, the connection you have with your partner, and their acceptance of who you are and what you need, or even their expectation of who they want you to be, can be very liberating.  You no longer have to hide this side of yourself and deny your needs and desires.  Having a partner that needs this as well can open up a whole new side of you, once you finally feel free to let go and be who you naturally are. 

What do you think?

Tis The Season To...Receive?

There are many women in this world who are in positions of authority.  They may hold a position within a business that puts them in charge.  Maybe they run their own business.  Maybe they are a Doctor or Lawyer.  Whatever the position and career, a woman can be in a position where she has to make decisions, direct other people, give orders, make choices that directly affect the outcome of a situation and greatly affects those around her.  She is constantly giving her thoughts, mind, intellect, and experience to others. 

A recent conversation revealed something to me.  Let me explain.  There are women in positions of power outside the home, as mentioned before, who are very successful in their careers.  They make a great living for their family and provide very well.  Their career has blossomed, and they have made great strides in becoming more and better within their chosen field.  Yet, they still are not happy.  There is still something missing.  They feel like they aren't enough.  Even at home they have people who rely on them to see to the household, and to their needs.  So, not only do they give all they can at work, but also have to give even more of themselves at home.  Always feeling like they aren't enough, they keep trying to give more, which continues to make them unhappy.  It's a constant cycle of spiraling downward.  Happiness in your professional life doesn't usually translate to overall happiness.  there has to be a balance between the professional and the personal side. 

Some of these women I speak of, at least for the point of this post, also happen to be submissive.  When many of us think of a submissive, we think about her giving.  We think about her giving herself, pleasing her partner, doing as he desires and requests, etc...  It is all about her giving, and finding pleasure in that.  That is true...to a degree.  But, when she gives at work and gives at home, and doesn't receive anything tangible in return, that is where the unhappiness sets in.  

This very well may not just apply to a submissive woman, but women in general.  They can only give so much without receiving in return.  They need to feel the strength of their partner.  They need to feel wanted and needed.  They need to feel appreciated and valued.   They need the structure and discipline that they receive from their partner.  When at home, they need to be able to follow and be guided.  In some cases they need to be held accountable and held to strict obedience.  They need to feel all of these things from their partner/Master/Dom.  This is what keeps them balanced and centered.  This is what makes them feel normal and like themselves.  Without it they can feel lost and not knowing how to steer the ship straight.

It all begins at home.  It all is based within your personal relationship with your partner.  If you are unhappy with this aspect of your life, then it will carry over to your professional life.  If you are happy and content in your personal life, then your professional life tends to look that much brighter.  Submission by a woman isn't all about giving...it is also about receiving.  A woman has to feel that she is receiving what she needs, or she will not be able to give the way she may like, or her partner may expect. 

To all you men, Dominants, and Masters, I leave you with this little reminder...it's not all about what she gives you.  It's not all about what you can take from her.  What she receives from you is a big part of the equation.  If she doesn't receive what she needs, then she can never be what you need her to be.  She will never be happy, and then...well...what's the point.  After all, this is about fulfilling the mutual needs of each other. 

To all the women, submissives, and slaves I say this...it's ok to need.  It's ok to expect your partner to give you what you need in your relationship, just as you give and offer to him what he needs.  It's ok to look at your relationship and understand that you do need to have your needs met.  It's ok to not just give, but to receive.  Tis the season for not only giving, but...for receiving!

Finding Balance And Staying Focused

Finding balance...staying focused...keeping centered...these are all things that can be difficult at times.  Many times life can get in the way of TTWD and it can be hard to stay focused on what is right in front of you.  Paying the right amount of attention to a D/s relationship can become an issue.  Or any relationship for that matter.  Between work, home, and family, we all have issues we face daily that can cause stress and detour where we want our mind to be most...on our partner.

I have read a lot of blogs where the topic has been keeping balanced and centered.  There are many times a submissive finds herself losing balance and needs to be brought back in line.  I see this referred to as maintenance quite often.  It seems to be very prevalent in a D/s relationship.  The further you go, the more involved you become, and the more intense the relationship becomes, the more maintenance may be needed.  We all have different methods and types of maintenance that work best for us.  For some, a good spanking is just what you need.  For someone else, a cane or a flogger might do the trick.  For yet others, just being made or put in a position to submit may be the ticket.  Maybe it is a minor assignment from a Dom to his submissive just to get her mind back on track with their dynamic.  Whatever works for you is great and fine.  From time to time, though, we all need some re-direction to get us back on the path we so enjoy.

Something was pointed out to me last night that really made me think.  I don't know why it hit me like a ton of bricks last night, but it did.  Losing balance, getting off center, losing focus...it isn't just about a submissive.  I think this applies to a Dominant just as much as a submissive.  I know it does for me.  I have found myself saying how much I may miss my partner, or how much I may need them.  I may find myself stressed about and covered in work.  I may be involved in times that even though I know how much I need my D/s relationship, it just can't be seen to at the moment like I would like it to be. 

I, DV, the Dominant...I need to be balanced and centered.  I have those times when I need to get back on track.  I feel much more at peace and happier when I have this in my life.  I am a much more content person when I can regularly engage with my partner and be involved with her in our relationship.  Being balanced and focused, maintenance, or whatever you want to call it isn't just for a submissive.  A Dominant has his moments when he needs his submissive to be there for him.  He needs her to help him along.  He needs her to aid in getting him back on the path.  Just as a submissive may need need to submit and need control from her Dom, a Dom needs to be able to control and exert himself with his submissive.  He needs to be the Dominant he is to keep him centered and balanced.  A lack of being able to exercise this part of himself, can leave a Dominant lacking, or at least that is the case for this Dominant.

At times our daily routines seem to take over and cause us all to veer off course from what we need the most.  We need to be able to get back to the basics of our relationship to feel our best.  A submissive needs to be able to submit, and a Dominant needs to be able to Dominate.  Maintenance isn't just for a submissive.  It is for all of us.  I will be the first to tell you I need this, and at times I need it tremendously.  I need it to get me to where I feel most comfortable and balanced.  I don't like feeling out of balance and away from who I am and need to be.  So subs...see to your Dom and make sure he is able to stay where he needs to be, focused on you.  In return he will do the same for you when you need it most.  By working together, and giving each other what you need when you need it, it will bring you closer and make your relationship stronger.  After all...being there for each other is what it is all about anyway.