December 7, 2011

Cookie Baking For Dummies (For The Guys)

Welcome to DV's "Cookie Baking For Dummies"! A step-by-step guide to making cookies that are tasty and easy to make. I thought I would try to help all the guys as part of the Cookie Recipe Extravaganza.
Let's make one thing clear...DV LOVES cookies. I'm a big fan of cookies and like to eat and try the great creations of others. But let's face it...for a majority of guys, actually making cookies is not on the top of our list. That probably goes, at least for me it does, for any baking. As much as I enjoy eating, it's the consumption I enjoy, not the manufacturing. Isn't that why I have a wonderful female partner? So she can bake me cookies? ;)

So for all you guys out there that aren't that good at baking or cooking, this is the post for you. I'm going to make this real easy for you. If I can do it, any of you can do it. And I can promise you that your kids love when Dad does this...especially when they know you can't cook. It holds quite the entertainment value. LOL!

All you need is an oven, a cookie sheet, and a flat spatula (spatula not absolutely necessary). If you have a apron handy, put it will make you look cool and like you know what you're doing. Now...go to the store and buy this:

That's right... it's cookie dough that is completely ready to be baked and even comes in perforated squares. See...easy! Almost idiot proof! (As a side note, the dough is pretty good right out of the package, so eat one or two if you like.) For those that aren't familiar with your oven, find the temperature pre-heat button, and pre-heat the oven to the temp stated on the package. The location and method for pre-heating varies by oven model, so you're on your own with this. Once the oven is pre-heated and ready, open your cookie package, break apart the little pre-formed squares, set them on the cookie sheet as directed, and put them in the oven. It's that simple. All of the dough will not fit on one cookie sheet. So, you will have to do this cycle more than once. The oven will be very hot so be careful not to burn yourself. Trust me...that really hurts! Might be helpful on your first try to have some aloe handy just in case.

This next part is important, so pay attention. The package says how long to leave the cookies in the oven. So, use your swiss army watch and keep track of how long they are in the oven. This is typically around 10 minutes. Once your time is up, use a hot-pad or oven mitt and remove the cookie sheet from the oven. Do not...I repeat...DO NOT try to remove the sheet using your bare hand. I don't care how big and bad you think you are, this is a REALLY BAD idea. Use your spatula and remove the cookies from the cookie sheet and place on a plate of your choice. Once cookies are removed from sheet, put the remaining dough on the cookie sheet, place in oven, and repeat the timing process.

The cookies are ready to eat as soon as they come out of the oven. But BEWARE...they will be very hot, and the gooey chocolate chips will scald your mouth, so you have been warned. Within a matter of minutes, though, they are still warm but safe to eat. As a safety issue, once all cookies are made, remember to turn the oven off. Not only will not doing so waste energy, but leaving it on greatly increases the risk of burning down your house.

So guys, you now have the knowledge to go out into the world and make your own cookies, or make them for the ones you love. Whatever you do, don't tell the women how easy this is. Let them think you slaved over them and put hours of effort into making cookies just for them. They will be very impressed and so appreciative of your efforts.

Good luck, and may the "Cookie Gods" be by your side as you make those little patties of dough and chocolate goodness. :)


  1. ROFLMAO....

    That's just perfect...will have to be sure Daddy sees this!


  2. 1. Shame, shame, shame! cheater cookies. Are these really your favorite cookie or just what you know how to make?

    2. Uh-hum *clears throat*. I don't bake (or cook really); KinkyGent does all the baking. These are his Ginger Cookies.

    3. This is the longest "how to bake" for cookies that don't need making I have ever seen.


    4. You deserve a spanking for this ;-)

    Happy Holidays DV,


  3. Now that's the BEST recipe I've seen all day!!
    Even I can do that with no clothes on cause I've got skills. LOL

  4. Thanks for the laughs :).

    Take care. Sky

  5. DV, I have an even simpler recipe for when I want cookies.

    Step one. Call girl
    Step two. request cookies
    Step three. wait

  6. @Sir J:

    buwhahahaha! That is an excellent recipe :)

  7. I glad you all are enjoying my contribution to the Cookie Extravaganza. And yes, I think Sir J has hit the nail on the head with that comment. LMAO! The only problem is he stopped at "waiting". So he may end up waiting...and waiting...and waiting. LOL!

    This of course could lead to non-desirable outcomes for the one that is supposed to be fetching the cookies. Although, if she is a masochist, that may be what she is after anyway, and...well you get my point, but that's a whole other series of posts and we are supposed to be talking about cookies. LOL!


  8. We have a tradition in our family that whenever we go to the beach we buy cookie dough, much like this. Whenever we come in from our evening beach walk Dad makes these cookies. It's the only time we do this type. You are so right,kids love it when Dad makes these cookies.

  9. Clever post, DV!


    P.S. I am not on the official list, but I shared Lemony Raisin Bars on my blog today.

  10. This post was great. Thanks for your contribution. I will pass it on to all the guys I know.

    And an FYI -- I think some guys at work must read your blog too, because I got a bucket put on my desk this morning that says fill this up with cookies please. Thanks Sir J for giving them the idea.

  11. DV, as you eluded in your response, if I am kept waiting and waiting... well I win either way lets say.

  12. These are great cookies for us domestically challenged type women too... i'm not laughing!


  13. As soon as I saw the title I knew this was the cookie recipe for me!:)

  14. For those who like to eat the whole bag, these are great frozen. I can make 4 (to for me and 2 for my partner) and not feel guilty. The rest I freeze in groups of 4. Yummy and satisfies the urge (for cookies)

  15. Hahahaha!! I absolutely LOVE this post. This is exactly how Master would do it, except he'd still manage to burn it or pout at me and tell me to do it for him. I freaking love this. Hilarity at its best :)

    Also, I posted my own recipe, though I know I'm late to the "party" so to speak but I did give credit to everyone else involved.