May 11, 2011

Finding Balance And Staying Focused

Finding balance...staying focused...keeping centered...these are all things that can be difficult at times.  Many times life can get in the way of TTWD and it can be hard to stay focused on what is right in front of you.  Paying the right amount of attention to a D/s relationship can become an issue.  Or any relationship for that matter.  Between work, home, and family, we all have issues we face daily that can cause stress and detour where we want our mind to be most...on our partner.

I have read a lot of blogs where the topic has been keeping balanced and centered.  There are many times a submissive finds herself losing balance and needs to be brought back in line.  I see this referred to as maintenance quite often.  It seems to be very prevalent in a D/s relationship.  The further you go, the more involved you become, and the more intense the relationship becomes, the more maintenance may be needed.  We all have different methods and types of maintenance that work best for us.  For some, a good spanking is just what you need.  For someone else, a cane or a flogger might do the trick.  For yet others, just being made or put in a position to submit may be the ticket.  Maybe it is a minor assignment from a Dom to his submissive just to get her mind back on track with their dynamic.  Whatever works for you is great and fine.  From time to time, though, we all need some re-direction to get us back on the path we so enjoy.

Something was pointed out to me last night that really made me think.  I don't know why it hit me like a ton of bricks last night, but it did.  Losing balance, getting off center, losing isn't just about a submissive.  I think this applies to a Dominant just as much as a submissive.  I know it does for me.  I have found myself saying how much I may miss my partner, or how much I may need them.  I may find myself stressed about and covered in work.  I may be involved in times that even though I know how much I need my D/s relationship, it just can't be seen to at the moment like I would like it to be. 

I, DV, the Dominant...I need to be balanced and centered.  I have those times when I need to get back on track.  I feel much more at peace and happier when I have this in my life.  I am a much more content person when I can regularly engage with my partner and be involved with her in our relationship.  Being balanced and focused, maintenance, or whatever you want to call it isn't just for a submissive.  A Dominant has his moments when he needs his submissive to be there for him.  He needs her to help him along.  He needs her to aid in getting him back on the path.  Just as a submissive may need need to submit and need control from her Dom, a Dom needs to be able to control and exert himself with his submissive.  He needs to be the Dominant he is to keep him centered and balanced.  A lack of being able to exercise this part of himself, can leave a Dominant lacking, or at least that is the case for this Dominant.

At times our daily routines seem to take over and cause us all to veer off course from what we need the most.  We need to be able to get back to the basics of our relationship to feel our best.  A submissive needs to be able to submit, and a Dominant needs to be able to Dominate.  Maintenance isn't just for a submissive.  It is for all of us.  I will be the first to tell you I need this, and at times I need it tremendously.  I need it to get me to where I feel most comfortable and balanced.  I don't like feeling out of balance and away from who I am and need to be.  So subs...see to your Dom and make sure he is able to stay where he needs to be, focused on you.  In return he will do the same for you when you need it most.  By working together, and giving each other what you need when you need it, it will bring you closer and make your relationship stronger.  After all...being there for each other is what it is all about anyway.


  1. Very well said.

    The balance bug must be going around. There are a surpriseing number of bloggers out there writing about it.

  2. I actually had an experience with this recently. Hadn't talked to a wonderful little subbie I am helping through a rough spot all day. I was totally unfocused. Couldnt organize my thoughts. Couldnt get myself on track. Called her up. gave her a few tasks to do and immediately I was clear headed, and focused again.

    And actually one of the assignments I had given her recently was to think about A Dom needing a sub just as much as a sub needs a Dom.

  3. I think there is a lot of folks in the D/s community feeling unbalanced right now. Me included. Maybe it's the stress of the economy and life in general. When things are going good we all seem to let things slide a little. When times are tough, we need our relationships to anchor us and keep us happy and fulfilled.

  4. mission accomplished! :)

  5. Thanks everyone! Really, I hadn't dialed in on unbalance being in the air, but now that you all mentioned it....! Maybe subconsciously, after reading other blogs, that is one reason this stood out to me and really made me think.

    I hope all you you that are feeling off-center find what you need to get you back where you belong.


  6. As I play catch up on my blog's this evening more and more of what you have to say speaks to me. In some ways it is as if you are in my thoughts quite literally. Again I thank you for sharing and for helping.