As a Dominant there are many things I can tell a submissive. There is an abundance of feelings and emotions I can explain to her about her submissive nature, and even tell her to expect and not be surprised when those feelings occur. Yet, there is no way for her to really understand and comprehend until she is there, in that place herself. These are things she has to actually feel and go through before she can really have a grasp of what I have told her. I have found this especially true with the submissives I have dealt with and talked to over the years. I can tell them until I'm blue in the face, but until they feel it for themselves there is no way to truly absorb the full meaning and comprehension of such feelings.
One of the main things that a submissive can't grasp until she ultimately feels the strength of it for herself is "need". I think we all move from the want stage into the need stage at some point. A sub may want to experience certain things and learn about being a good submissive...but after a certain point the need within her begins to build. The need to submit...the need for her Dominant...the need for his strength and power...the need for him to have control. For many, feeling needy...well, it feels wrong. It goes against who they have always been. They don't think they should feel that way and want to fight it. To me...I think it is natural and necessary. I want a submissive to feel and be needy. If she doesn't need me, need to submit, and need what I have to offer, then what is the point?!?! There is none!
There is also a very special moment for me that grows within a submissive's need. It's her specific need for me. It's her specific need for us. It's her specific need to give herself to me and feel the strength of my hands upon her body. This can come about in a couple of different forms. One of these is the need to have marks left upon her. This typically will be in the form of bruising and/or soreness. She needs to know I have had my hands on her body. She needs the reminder of that after we are done with our time together. It doesn't matter if it is from a spanking, fingers digging into her breasts, or whatever the choice of activities may be. She has a deep need to be able to see and feel the evidence of my strength and power upon her flesh after the fact. She needs to be able to see that she has given herself to me, and feel and see where that has happened and where I have been. And I know how deep her need is when she happens to say..."I'm not bruised and sore enough. I need more, please!" What a sweet sound to a Dominants ear.
Another area of a submissive's need that can develop is with her orgasms. I can tell her that her body and orgasms belong to me. I can tell her that her orgasms and being able to cum belong to me. She will reach a point, that light bulb moment, when she actually begins to feel and understand that. She will truly begin to comprehend my ownership of her body and experiences. This is never more evident than with her self-pleasure. She may reach a point where she doesn't masturbate nearly as much. She doesn't want to please herself nearly as much. Why? Because it's not the same. It doesn't feel the same. She needs to be able to cum for me and because of me. She realizes that her orgasms do belong to me, and they don't feel nearly as strong or important unless they are induced by me directly. Anything less than directly from my hands or body just isn't enough. She has come to rely and depend on me for her pleasure, and in a way that only I can make her feel and experience. This is a huge milestone and one that I absolutely treasure with my entire being.
Need is not a bad thing. Being needy is not something a submissive should avoid and feel bad about feeling. It is natural and it is necessary for the progression of the relationship. Or at least that's my opinion and what I prefer. A submissive needs to be able to reach a place where she needs to submit and feel the need for her Dominant. This is also something I think every Dominant needs from his submissive as well. The mutual need should feed off each other and take you further than you could have gone otherwise. It's beautiful thing to see her need, and then be able to give her all she has to have and wants to give in return. Without a growing and flourishing need...we have nothing.