May 8, 2011

Public Service Announcement

I hereby bring you this Public Service Announcement to inform you of...well, of a problem I have been seeing and hearing about lately.  I think it is worth mentioning and talking about, even though I know I have before.  Even though many of you have talked about this before.  I have received a few emails lately looking for some advice or telling me about a specific situation.  The announcement is...BEWARE OF THE PLAYERS!!!  That would be the want-to-be Doms, the fake ones, and especially the ones that knowingly portray themselves as a Dom to prey on a submissive for an ulterior motive. 

As we all know, there are a lot of alleged Dominants out there.  Any guy, or girl for that matter, can come along and claim to be Dominant.  Anyone can put up a profile on a website and declare themselves as Dominant.  Don't believe me?  Just go to Fetlife or Collar Me or any other website, and you can have a profile up and running in about 5 minutes.  This can wreak havoc on those of us that really are part of this lifestyle, and especially on a submissive who is fairly new to TTWD and can't easily spot a "BAD" Dom.  It's no wonder so many people see this TTWD in a bad light.  It's very easy to step into this world and have a bad, if not horrific, experience.  It's no wonder so many people have a view about this, and those of us involved in this, that is completely and totally distorted and incorrect.

So...what do we do about this?  First and foremost be very careful and try to be sure who you are dealing with at all times.  Always use common sense.  When first meeting someone, always make it in public.  I don't care how long you have emailed or talked with someone.  You still never really know.  Nothing replaces a real meeting and the vibe you get from it.  Trust your gut feelings, and your intuition.  Never discount them.  They can alert you to things that may seem off base, but you can't quite put into words and explain.  Until you get to now someone, always have someone else know where you are.  They don't have to know about TTWD, but they do need to know you are meeting someone new, where you are and an expected check-in schedule.  This way if something does happen to go wrong, then you have some sort of backup on your side. 

Unfortunately, there is no Dom School.  It's not like you can ask to see transcripts and a diploma of where a person graduated and learned about being Dom.  We have all learned this on the fly and on our own.  I do wish we could load all the little future Doms and subs on a bus and ship them off to school, but that isn't going to happen.  It's a good thought though.  LOL!  And don't get me wrong, everyone is new at some point and has to start somewhere.  There are some great people out there that wll become a part of this lifestyle.  They have to learn somehow and in some way.  There is a mountain of information, blogs, websites, etc... on the internet. There are books you can buy.  There are local groups you can become a part of and participate.  My point is...educate yourself.  Never stop learning.  Learn about different aspects of this lifestyle and what all my be out there.  that doesn't mean you will like it all, or want to participate in it all.  But through this learning, you will find what you want and need the most, and can weed out the rest.  You can learn a great deal about yourself and TTWD by doing research and constantly trying to gain more knowledge.  These blogs many of us write, I think are a great tool.  They pretty much cover the spectrum of dynamics and activities.  You can read and follow numerous blogs and learn a lot.  Not to mention we all have fun writing them (most of the time anyway lol) and we all become close in our own way in this blog community. 

I don't care whether you are a Dominant or a submissive.  I don't care if you are into M/s, D/s, or just a little kink every now and then.  Please be careful with all that you do.  Please try your best to be safe and know with who you are meeting and dealing.  It isn't always possible, but be sure to look for red flags and take note.  Also, whether you are seasoned or new, never think you are done learning.  there is always more to learn and expand upon.  You can never stop growing in your position and dynamic.  If you do you will become stagnant, and that breeds trouble and despair.  You can't go wrong for yourself and your partner/relationship when you are trying to further your education about TTWD.  Please stay safe and be careful in all your endeavors.

This concludes today's Public Service Announcement! 


  1. DV,

    That is one important PSA. Great points to remember for the novices and the old timers. And someone like me, in the middle:)

    That image of the schoolbus taking new subbies and Doms to D/s school is the cutest thing I have heard in a while!



  2. "...BEWARE OF THE PLAYERS!!! ....especially the ones that knowingly portray themselves as a Dom to prey on a submissive for an ulterior motive."

    Thank you for caring and speaking up for those of us who have been deceived, purposely mislead, and became their "prey."

    Brenda (silvermoon)

  3. I must be slow. What did I miss? I guess maybe Im too trusting.

    I have made friends with several men I have met here thru the blog world.
    I however have never met anyone in person.
    Is there something I should be watching or looking for?

  4. Thanks, DV, as always, RIGHT ON!

    Here's what I would like to add;
    Anyone who has viewed my FetLife profile will tell you it comes across HARSH.

    But I do that for two reasons;
    1) The 'fake' or 'bad' Doms get scared of me, and think to themselves (I'd like to think) "Wow, she's gonna see through me in a heartbeat!"
    2) (And on a much more positive note) The 'GOOD' Doms look at it and say (I'd like to think) "Well! Look at Jen! She's smart enough to know the difference between real Doms and the jerks, and shes CLEALRY looking for the REAL ones only!"

    It works out in the end, I promise!
    And trust me, I've been on the bad end of things, I've done EVERYTHING wrong.

    I'm actually lucky I lived.
    [It's one of my first blog posts, titled "My First BDSM, in case you need to be shocked into reality] There are LOTS of nutcases waiting to take advantage of someone who has LESS knowledge than they could have.

    Plain and simple.

    Again, DV, thank you!! :)


  5. Jen, I like your add. So true..


  6. Thank you all for your comments. I'm not in any way saying that every potential Dominant or Master is bad. Quite the contrary. My main point is that all of us, Dom or sub, should be careful in our endeavors, especially in the beginning. Even I myself have more than respected that from a person when meeting me. I can't blame a person for it, and even encourage it. Better safe than sorry, by all means. These things were just brought up to me lately, and I thought it important to remind everyone of such behavior. I enjoy all of your blogs and comments, and wish to continue hearing from you all in the future. So please stay safe and don't put yourself in the way of any harm or bad situations that can easily be avoided.


  7. They are certainly everywhere. One of the big red flags to look for is someone who orders you around or expects you to call him "sir" or "master" before you even have a relationship of any sort. Creeps is what they are. Too many of them out there...

    Nice post!


  8. Thank You DV... being a new sub myself, i appreciate the information and you for taking the time to post it... (: Is there something we "newbies" should look for as an early warning?

  9. just a girl...Thanks for your comment, and I agree. There are way more that think they know what being a Dom is, than there really are those that do.

    Searching...the best advice is use common sense. If it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't. If something seems off base, it probably is. Trust your gut feelings, and just remain cautious until you know you can trust someone.