September 6, 2011

The View From The Outside

How are we perceived?  How do others see us?  How do others view this lifestyle?  These are questions we all face and think about at one time or another.  Those of us in this lifestyle know what it is all about, or are at least learning.  We see things that we know we need from it.  Those needs may vary, and the dynamic you need may be different from the next person, but we all fall under the umbrella in some form or fashion of some type of power exchange relationship. 

I have had some conversations with my Sunshine about this very this lifestyle is perceived by those outside of it.  The view from the outside is much different than the view on the inside.  We did not meet under the assumption of a D/s relationship, but I did make it clear very early on that this was a big part of who I am.  She had her own views of what all it entailed, which is like so many people not involved or having experience in TTWD.  Yet, her views and perception of this has changed dramatically.  She has found a side of herself that was hidden...and maybe she didn't even know existed.  She knows it now, and is embracing every ounce of it she can, and I couldn't be happier about that.

I was reminded of the perception of others when I read a post of another blogger this morning.   The post was written by ALuv at Sincerely Yours... , and the post was titled In Search Of.  It made me think of the saying...don't judge a book by it's cover.  First appearances may make you think or believe a certain way, but if you take the time to look inside and delve a little deeper, you may see much more than you initially thought was there.   You may be missing a lot if you take something at mere face value and look only at what is seen on the surface.  Underneath it all there is much more than may meet the eye.  ALuv points this out and says it very well. 

"If someone would have said to me 4 years ago that D/s relationship is something I was going to be longing for I probably would have said "you are nuts!" and one of the reason was because I really didn't know what it was about, what it meant, how the dynamics of the relationship works.
I honestly thought it was only about leather, whips and chains, inflicting pain in others and getting a kick while doing so, so yeah, I sorta knew the basics *giggles*. I heard and seen the collars, the toys and just about a great deal of the kinks but I was unaware of the most important part of such relationships; trust, respect, communication, and obedience. The closeness between two people without inhibitions, absolutely no fear to say how one is feeling, please and be pleased, be heard and understood, understand and not judge, be so open that even when dressed in their presence they can see you completely naked. So wonderful *shivers"

I think people on the outside see and believe exactly as ALuv pointed out.  This is strictly about leather, whips, and chains, making demands and inflicting pain.  What is seen on television and on the internet does nothing to dispel this myth.  Yet, when you look beyond the surface, there is a whole other world of feelings, emotions, needs, and desires.  It is about the closeness, the respect, the trust, the love and care, the connection between two people.  It can be a relationship that is stronger and more open than any traditional relationship.  

So many people are afraid of the unknown.  They will look down upon something based upon how they perceive it...even when they really know nothing about it.  We all have our opinions.  I prefer to have an educated opinion, rather than making judgements on things I know nothing about.  There are many aspects of play in this lifestyle that aren't for me.  Does that mean I will talk bad about them?  Not at all!  Everyone has what works and doesn't work for them and there respective personalities and situations.  It's too bad so many people see TTWD as being out on the fringes, kinky, and as an alternate lifestyle.  To me it is a normal lifestyle.  I know this isn't for everyone, but it is for me...and obviously a lot of you as well. 

Don't be deterred by those that are ignorant to what we do.  There will always be people who don't understand.  Just as there will always be people who understand wholeheartedly.  Allow yourself the freedom to be who you are and to seek out what you need.  When dealing with those that aren't in the know...just smile, feel good about yourself, and know you are feeling and experiencing things that they will never even come close to knowing personally.  Maybe someday they will open their eyes enough to know what you know and be able to find a little piece of heaven for themselves. 


  1. "Allow yourself the freedom to be who you are" This really caught me because it is one of the biggest lessons I have learned from ttwd, and one of it's biggest gains for me--before being owned I did not feel free to be who I was. I lived in a state of denial about myself. Submission allows me to be myself completely. A bit ironic perhaps, but true nonetheless.

  2. i agree with lil...the more i find my submission the more i find myself. i walk taller, stand straighter, and more comfortable in my own skin. i would have never thought that by giving away control i could gain so much more... Thank You for sharing DV.

  3. This is really inspiring! So very, very true. Takes the phrase "Don't knock it 'til you try it" a whole new meaning!

  4. I am still a "newbie" to TTWD, but every day I am embracing my submission more fully, and it is BECAUSE of the intimate connection I feel with my Master. I too had thought D/s was about whips, and chains and leather. Now I know it doesn't have to incorporate those things at all. Every relationship is different, and doing what works for each couple is what makes TTWD so wonderful!

    Thanks for another thought provoking post. Take care, Sky