September 12, 2011

The Strength Within

In my previous post I spoke about how those outside of TTWD seem to view this lifestyle.  Appearances aren't always as they appear.  Those of us involved in this lifestyle know there is much more to it than what someone may see at a glance.  This goes much deeper than the mere physical appearances of the activities we choose to bring into our relationships...much deeper.  There is a warning label on the passenger side mirror of most cars..."Objects in mirror are closer than they appear".  For all of us, maybe it should read..."Relationships are much deeper and more involved than they appear". 

I had a conversation with Sunshine this weekend that reminded me of just how deep and involved our relationships can be.  I also read some comments on a post this morning at The Empty Collar.  The topic that coincided with the conversation and the post is the strength of a submissive woman.  That is not to say in any form or fashion that any woman isn't and can't be strong.  But alas, here in my world I speak of the D/s lifestyle, so that is the platform from which I stand and speak. 

I think those people that peek in from the outside see a submissive as being weak.  They see a woman being owned and controlled by a man (reverse the gender roles if you like), and view this as a weakness.  Many people don't think a woman should bow and cede herself to a man...or to anyone for that matter.  They think she should stand on her own two feet and be able to take care of herself.  She should be assertive and able to take charge of any situation.  I say this is a bunch of bologna. 

I say that it takes a very strong woman to be willing and able to submit.  It doesn't matter whether she is currently involved with a Dominant or on her own.  The core person is still there and strong.  She has to be strong to be able to not only comprehend her need for submission, but then be able to act upon that need.  A woman must be strong mentally and emotionally to be able to give herself to someone the way a submissive woman does.  There is no weakness in needing to give yourself to a Dominant.  It is that deep inner strength that makes her a good submissive.  Someone without that strength will have a very hard time opening up and baring herself completely.  Not to mention, this strength is combined with raw determination to be able to stay the course and follow through with what she desires the most.  We all isn't always easy. 

Back to my conversation with Sunshine...I didn't talk to her about strength as my submissive.  I spoke to her about the strength she has within her as a person.  Granted the two may go hand in hand, but that wasn't the point.  The point for her, which can also apply to Histoy, is this...  Always stand strong, be proud of who you are, and don't let anyone make you think less of yourself.  Anyone that tries to bring you down is only afraid and insecure about themselves.  They will belittle you and try to make you feel smaller about yourself in order to feel better about themselves.  So, stand tall, smile, and be happy with nothing less than the person you are at your best. This will enable you to become even stronger, more self-aware, and more secure with yourself.  Being able to look inside and being happy with what you see is what matters most of all. 

"You are stronger than you think, and I have shown you just how strong and important, and appreciated you are.  Let your inner strength flow and don't allow what anyone else says or does make you think any less of yourself.  Let them look like a fool on their own with the less than desirable behavior they may exhibit.  In the end, it will be they that will be seen as a lesser and weaker person.  I am proud of you as a person...all that you are and can be.  I am proud and honored to be able to call you mine." 


  1. that quote (of yourself i suppose?) is lovely :)
    You are so right.

  2. thank you! i needed to read this! :)

  3. thank You DV this post was much needed for me as well. Once again You said it perfectly.

  4. very nicely expressed DV! Thank you!

  5. Yes, it does take a strong woman to be able to submit, and admitting that to ourselves, let alone others is a struggle.... at least for me. Society tells us that submission = doormat/weak. For me, as a submissive, giving myself to my Sir is the ultimate gift. It makes Him happy, therefore, it pleases me. Thank you again for your well-written, and thought out words.


  6. All true. And yet, at times it is the easiest thing in the world. When it just feels like the absolutely right way, and it is clear it was the way I am meant to be with him, and that he is meant to be with me - then it just flows.

  7. Amazing and mind blowing as always...thank you

  8. Sweet Girl...thanks and yes, that was of myself and our conversation.'re most welcome. Glad I could help.

    Searching...glad to know the timing is right to help you through your difficult moment. are welcome and thank you as well for helping with the idea for this post. definitely takes strength to admit your need to submit, and accept that within yourself. Society does have a different view of it, but as I have said...most of the time general society only sees a portion of this, and not the whole story. There is much more than meets the eye. are very correct. It those times when it flows naturally and feels perfect that you know it is right for you, no matter what anyone says.

    ALuv...and thank you!


  9. submission and Dominance is one of many dimensions that make up someone's character. Strength and weakness is an other one. I always believe(d) they are relatively independent from each other.
    No relation BDSM or vanilla should be taken on face value or for granted. They are always different in real then what they appear from the outside.

  10. DV,

    Thank you for this. I found your blog through reading Histoy's. I am dealing with some of these same issues, and my Dom is helping me. Your words echo his, which is why I can tell him more than I've ever told anyone, and I feel safe with him.

    Thank you for echoing his views.