September 28, 2011

The Geek Within - Social Science (Part2)

In my last post I broke the news that I am a geek. to speak anyway.  By the comments received, there are a lot of geeks out there.  It's my love of learning and diving deep into a subject of interest that is why I came to carry this tag.  And yes, it was attached to me in love and fun.  Although, there is some truth to it...that I cannot deny. my last post I talked a bit about psychology.  I expressed my desire to learn about the inner workings of the brain and how it relates to the D/s lifestyle.

In this post I want to take a look at sociology.  Wikipedia defines sociology as:
"Sociology is the study of society and human social activity.  Its traditional focuses have included social stratification, social class, social mobility, religion, secularisation, law, deviance."
We as humans are very social creatures.  We seek interaction with others, belong to groups of similar interests, and see social class (wealth) as a way to divide and categorize people.  We seek to be accepted and to fit into the world in which we live.  Larger groups of like minded people within our society tend to make unwritten rules as to how they believe a person should behave and conduct themselves.  In the wikipedia definition, this would primarily be religion and law.  There are standards of behavior within our society that are taught and passed down through generations.  these standards are seen as the norm and are what is generally accepted and expected of a person from their behavior.  These behavior expectations are called mores (pronounced the eel).  Mores are the norms or values of a particular society.

I think some of you can see where I am going with this.  When it comes to TTWD, many people see this as a deviant act, or as behavior that falls outside the typical values of how a relationship should be conducted.  It goes against how men and women are brought up and raised to act and treat others...especially those of the opposite sex.  It goes against all that has been fought for on behalf of women over the years.  (Women's Lib)  In some senses and and in some relationships, it even goes against the abolishing of slavery and all that entire race of people have fought against.  The main difference here is the willingness to be a part of it, since the slavery is a choice and is not forced. 

This can be especially tough for a submissive woman to justify in her head.  She has been taught to behave and act in a certain way her whole life.  She has been taught to stand up0, be strong, and not have to rely on anyone else.  Yet for some women, being submissive is who they are.  It is a need for them.  It is natural to them and a place where they feel most like themselves and most normal.  This can create an inner battle within her mind between how she feels she is expected to behave, and what she feels she truly wants and needs.  This can make her feel bad about herself and as though something is wrong with her.  A great amount of grief can arise from the turmoil all of this creates.

Let's bring some of this together.  The turmoil in her head, and feelings of being wrong, takes us back to psychology.  It has to do with the mindset about being submissive.  The cause of the mindset and turmoil is the sociological influences impressed upon her by the society in which she lives and has been raised.  Both psychology and sociology play a big role in how a person views TTWD.  First can a person deal with going against society's norm, and then can the person deal with that within their own head and come to terms with it?  This is an age old situational tug-of-war when it comes to this lifestyle.  One side pulling you towards what is considered acceptable behavior, and the other side pulling you towards what you truly need as an individual.

I have said before, and I will say it of the biggest steps a person can take in D/s, and a huge hurdle for so many, is acceptance.  Accepting who you are, what you want and need, and accepting and realizing that it is alright to want and need these things.  You have to realize that is isn't wrong just because you want something that society says you shouldn't.  At times, you have to quit worrying about what everyone else thinks and do what is best for you individually.  Or to put it bluntly...fuck what other people think.  For many people, it is far better psychologically to accept it and be able to be who you truly are, than to deny what you need mentally and emotionally for the sake of what others expect of you.  Those of us in the lifestyle that talk about being free in being owned or collared, this is what is meant by that, at least some of the time.  It can be psychological freedom to accept who you are.  It's as though the weight has been removed and you are no longer held down by the chains of societal correctness.  Hence, there is a freedom in letting go, being able to give yourself to another person, and being bound to them by commitment and love.

I have now showed you some aspects of psychology and sociology within TTWD.  In the next and final post of this series, I will show you I'm not just a geeky research scientist.  I am also a practitioner within the lifestyle.


  1. Ahh, Good ol womens lib. The downfall of today's relationships in so many ways. Don't get me wrong I am not saying that a lot of what we have achieved through it hasn't brought us a long way but there are prices for those achievements as well. Just my two cents worth.

    Being equal may be society's norm in our country but there are still so many societies where it is still is not the norm. And yes, in some ways those women don't have it as good as we do here but they also can still freely accept their roles as submissives which would take a lot of pressure off of us who live this lifestyle.

    I think when a person finally does get to the point where they accept that what they are doing is best for them and their partner then a whole new side of TTWD opens up to them. It is a wonderful point to be at in a relationship and one that takes each individual their own time to reach. How we choose to live our lives is no better or worse then a vanilla couple being happy with their lives. It may be all they know. Luckily we have all learned that there is a whole other world out there that when explored and accepted by a couple or even an individual can take you to places you never imagined.

  2. What exactly is wrong with being a geeky research scientist? My husband loves his. ;)

  3. Janet...thanks so much for the thought out response. First of all, I'm not trying to talk down about women's lib. I also think it has had some good points. But like everything else, there are times, and some people, that can push it way too far. Just my opinion of course.
    I agree totally that acceptance opens up a whole new world of feelings and experiences when it comes to TTWD. As you mention, that's not to say that anyone else's way is wrong. This is just what we choose to do, and once you can open your mind to it and can walk through that door, the possibilities can be endless.

    greengirl...nothing wrong with it at all. Personally, I love it! :)


  4. Yet another outstanding post, DV! Thank you...

    Your point about acceptance really resonated with me - I remember the point in my life (not too terribly long ago) when I finally came to grips with my submissive self...and acceptance made me happier than I could have ever dreamed possible! Using your metaphor, the door opened, I met my Daddy, and the possibilities have become endless. Acceptance was the catalyst in a whole new, more enlightened stage of my life.

    Of course, this acceptance conflicted with my inherent feminism...but then it clicked for me. Feminism and the women's liberation movement have made it possible for me to be the woman that I want to be. I thankfully have that luxury. The woman that I want to be and that I choose to be is a submissive slave to my Daddy. Although I know that some may disagree with me, seen from a certain point of view, it doesn't get much more feminist than that.

    All my best,
    Baby Girl :)