August 9, 2011

Comfort And Stability Versus Change

I received this picture this morning from my Sunshine.  Part of it really made her think about things going on in her life.  It really made me think too, as it holds true for things happening in my life as well.  I think we can all relate to this in one way or another.  We all have regrets about situations where we didn't take a chance, didn't make a decision, or waited too long to make a decision. 

Why is it that we as people tend to delay decisions?  Why do we put off making decisions we know we need to make, and will ultimately make life better for us?  The answer is...comfort and change...or the fear of change.  We get comfortable in our situations.  We need stability.  We don't like change.  Even when we find ourselves in situations that aren't the best or aren't ideal, we will stay in those situations because they feel normal and comfortable.  There is some stability and knowing what to expect in those situations.  We would rather stay in a non-ideal situation than have to deal with change and turn our stability upside down. 

I continue to use "we" as I describe this because I feel overall that people in general are this way, and I am as well.  I like stability and knowing what to expect.  There are changes coming up for me that will be life altering in a huge way.  The changes may be sooner or may be later, but they are coming one way or another.  I know in the end that these changes will be the best for all involved.  I know that ultimately these changes will make me happier and enable me to be more of who I want and need to be as a person.  They will give me a chance to get what I need as a person that I can never get otherwise. 

So why don't I just go ahead and move forward?  Why don't I make these changes now?  The simple answer is comfort and stability in where I am.  I don't have to make these changes now.  If forced or pushed, I could move forward with the changes now.  I have no problem in doing so, but for now I don't have to do anything.  Will I regret not going ahead and making the changes that are coming?  Will I wish I hadn't delayed and had gone ahead and gotten things moving forward?  Possibly!  But, there are a lot of other factors in play, so for now...stability is good.  Yet, I will say this...I am slowly moving forward.  The changes are because of me and my own initiation.  They will happen because of me.  They will happen because I know what I want and need to make me a happier person.  Because I refuse to settle long term for anything less.  These decisions can be heartbreaking and gut-wrenching, but will also be the best for all involved long term....or at least so I believe.

At one time or another we all have to make life altering decisions.  It could be about your relationship, your marriage, or even whether or not to take the steps to finding who you truly are as a Dominant or submissive.  Sometimes it involves letting go of the past to be able to have a brighter future.  We all have to face changes at some point or another.  We all have to step out of our comfort zone, let go of the stability, and try to better ourselves.  Are you willing to make the necessary changes to be able to be happier and find who you truly are?  Are you already doing that?  Can you make those tough decisions?  It's never an easy thing to do.  Yet, sometimes we have to be willing to let go to move forward.  Don't settle for less than you need and deserve.  If you settle, even though you aren't happy, because you are comfortable and stable, then I can promise you one thing for certain...In The End, as you look back, you will regret not standing up for yourself and making the changes needed to be happy and the person you really are inside. 


  1. Very true, something we can all learn from.

  2. "I received this picture this morning from my Sunshine" ...well that in itself is a great post, just that and the pic :) However, I am glad you expanded as far as stability vs. change. Ultimately this is what sticks out to me the most: "...I will say this...I am slowly moving forward. The changes are because of me and my own initiation. They will happen because of me. They will happen because I know what I want and need to make me a happier person. Because I refuse to settle long term for anything less."

    Yes, only we know if we are moving forward or stagnant. Sometimes moving forward is a lonely journey for a while, with little support, but we move forward in faith. And yup, sure as the sun will rise, those little signs will come that we made the right decision to trust ourselves to know what we truly need.


  3. I am awful about change. I have a very difficult time adjusting. My submission journey turned my life upside about change. Wow. It certainly makes all other changes look simple in comparison. It continually stretches me- a new rule to obey, a new challenge or expectation- it has helped me learn to deal less emotionally with other changes in my life.

  4. To completely date myself - this made me think of the Pink Floyd song "....cold comfort for change." I understand the need to keep the status quo for others' sakes, but often that is cold comfort only. When i started this particular journey - i was terrified of ruining what was a pretty good marriage; i would have preferred to stuff it all back in the bottle rather than risk losing what i had. A friend pointed out that was impossible: the fact that i had changed my thoughts and feelings meant that our relationship was changed, whether i wanted it to be or not. It sounds like you already realize this though. Good luck with what lies ahead.

  5. Sexperts...thanks and yes I believe we can all learn a bit from this.

    K...funny you mention moving forward being a lonely journey. I believe that everyone should make decisions for themselves, and no one should force anyone else to make a decision. You are the one that has to live with your decisions, so make sure they are yours. If I force a decision from someone or tell them what they should do, then they can always be resentful towards me for that. I wil offer advice and my opinion, but always leave a decision to the one involved. So yes it can be, and in a way, should be a lonely journey. Or at least a solo decision based on what is best for you.

    Stormy...Thanks for your comment. I am not good with change myself. I love stability and the norm. But sometimes we just have to make those changes and do what we know or feel is best. I think you have and you did it because you knew deep down it would make you better.

    GG...Ok yeah you dated yourself. LOL! I'll date myself by saying I know exactly what you are talking about. ;) You point out an interesting side of this. Many times our situations have already changed, to a degree anyway. It is just a matter of verbalizing it or making it official. Once this stage is reached, there is no keeping the status quo or going back to how things were. Moving forward is your only option. Accepting the changes, learning from them, and growing as you progress.

    Thanks for all your comments!


  6. Wow! This post is great. I like the pic too :) I can definitely relate to this post, as am one of those who like the stability and comfort vs. the change in any way, never have actually.
    But what sticks the most in your post is the following: Ultimately this is what sticks out to me the most: "...I will say this...I am slowly moving forward. The changes are because of me and my own initiation. They will happen because of me. They will happen because I know what I want and need to make me a happier person. Because I refuse to settle long term for anything less."
    Thanx for the post. Have fun with Sunshine.
    Hugs & kisses.

  7. I totally agree. And as personal experience sometimes I haven't got the strength to face the storm that comes first, even if in the end is for a greater good for myself.
    Good luck and I hope everything works well for you.