August 31, 2011

An Evolving Mindset (Part 2)

In my last post I talked about how we change over time.  How our wants and needs change.  How we evolve in what we like and feel we have to have to be happy and satisfied.  How settling for anything less than that will never be enough.  This is apparent within me as much as anyone.  Several years ago, before I discovered the Dominant side of myself and let it blossom, I would have been content with a traditional sex life.  A sex life that the mainstream population would consider normal.  These days...normal has a whole new meaning.  It has taken on an entirely different perspective.

This lifestyle, D/s, is a natural part of who I am and how I view things these days.  It is "normal" for me.  I no longer consider myself new to TTWD.  Although, I'll be the first to tell you that there is so much more out there to be learned and discovered.  I mentioned in my last post how I think it is beautiful to see the changes evolve within someone in this lifestyle.  That is one reason I like to write and post on here.  I like to be able to share my thoughts and experiences with others.  I love to receive comments and emails from readers saying how they had that light bulb moment when reading my post.  Or, that they felt I was inside their head seeing everything they think and feel.  That is a great feeling.  I have been there myself, and am glad I can share and help others see these things as well.  Anyway...I digress.

I was having a conversation the other day with my wife.  As many of you may know, she is in no way a part of this lifestyle, nor will she ever be.  It isn't a part of who she is.  She is fully aware of who I am at this point, what I like and need, what I do, and who I do it with.  She does her own thing as well, which I am fully aware of.  This is an agreement we came to a while back.  Anyway...the conversation made me think about how much I have evolved and changed.  During the conversation, a question was brought up..."could we ever get back to being the couple we once were and be sexual again (which we haven't been in years)?"  We both agreed that it couldn't and wouldn't ever happen.  We are too different in what we want and need in that arena. 

This begs the natural question...So what do I want?  A few years ago I would have said sex.  LOL!  The answer to this today is much different than it would have been a few years ago.  Spankings?  Check!  Control?  Check!  Hair pulling?  Check!  To have my cock worshiped?  Check!  To control orgasms?  Check!  To fuck how I want and when I want?  Check!  To have my cum worn with pride?  Check!  To use restraints?  Check!  Anal sex?  Check!  To feel my Sunshine totally and completely belongs to me, and does so gladly and willingly?  Check!  This is just to name a few, but is far different than...well, sex.  Yes, many of these things are sex related, but so much of it has to do with the mental and emotional aspect of the act and relationship, and from where the intention of the act derives.

The best part of it all is being with someone you know wants and needs all of this from you....and maybe even much more.  It's great to not only be able to push Sunshine to new territory, but to have her push me as well.  I don't mean that I am being pushed by her in a bad or disrespectful way.  I mean that she can push me to do more, become better, and find more of myself for her.  Ask me a couple of years from now and I will probably be able to say I have changed much more since I wrote this.  That is my goal and what I hope for anyway.  I don't want to stay stagnant.  I want to keeping evolving, be more than I am now, and be a better man for having changed.  Lucky for me I have a little Sunshine to light the way. 


  1. this little light of mine, i'm gonna let it shine... ;)

  2. Wonderfully said DV. i could never go back to plain way...uh-uh... this sub looks forward to the growing, evolving, and learning every thing she can.

  3. I don't imagine ever being able to have a "vanilla" sexual relationship again. My needs would not be met and I would feel there would be something "missing."

    Great post, thank you, DV.

  4. Anon...let it shine!

    Searching...I look forward to it myself.

    Sky...I'm right there with you. There is always a time for a scoop of vanilla...just not as the norm or typical. :)


  5. Yea I couldn't go back to Vanilla in the traditional meaning of the term. I do think vanilla gets a bad rap sometimes for being synonymous with repressed and unfilled. To me vanilla is being friends with Him. while D/s is being in a relationship with Him. Both include elements of D/s still, but if we are not in an actual relationship, we are friends, aka "vanilla." Basically, I have thoroughly confused myself and others with my semantics I think !

    Every person, couple, has such a unique situation. I appreciate you sharing more about yours, and glad that you are feeling fulfilled:)


  6. Great post DV!
    Evolving.... yes to think that less than a year ago i'd never done anything at all within D/s -change is good, and sometimes they change, evolve, fast :)