August 10, 2010

Making Beautiful Music Together

I was reading a post yesterday that brought up some good points and thoughts from the submissive side.  The blog is by greengirl, and the specific post is i wonder....  In this post she brings up a thought that...well, makes her wonder.  She questions, at least in her own mind, whether a Dominant or Master needs this as much as a submissive/slave.  Her thoughts and questions are this:

"I wonder if he ever needs it too, needs to do things to me. I wonder this when it's been awhile and I really, really want/need to be bound, controlled, impacted, made to feel him, and, well..... used. It is of course tied into sexual tension, arousal and release, but the context is so much more really. I crave it to bring me back to myself, and remind me of who I am, and to stop the flying around mentally and physically.

Does it do anything at all like that for him? Or does it work in the converse for him? Or is it just that he likes things better when I'm more settled? Or is it just because he knows I want it?

Or is it purely sexual?"

  These are some good questions, and thought provoking as well.  I certainly can't and won't try to speak for anyone in her relationship.  Yet, I can speak for myself and my view on this.  The general answer for me is "YES"!  As a Dominant, yes I need this and want this.  If I didn't it would just be another hobby or something fun to role play every now and then.  But...just as woman can inherently be submissive and have needs of control and service, and the need to be used, a Dominant, or this Dominant, has the needs and desires to control, feel the submission his sub brings to him, and the need to use her.  For me it isn't as much about the power over her and exerting that power, as much as feeling her submit to me and her need to make me happy by serving, obeying, and putting my pleasure first.  Seeing her gain her pleasure by being all of this for me.  By being all this because she desires needs to be.  Knowing she is doing this for me, and that I am pleased with her actions and submission, in turn makes her happy.  She also knows that when I am happy due to her actions, that she will then be much more likely to receive the physical pleasure from me that she needs.  The pleasure she is greedy and needy to get.

Is all of this purely a sexual dynamic for the Dominant?  Absolutely not!  So much of this lifestyle, whether it is the Dom or the sub, is mental and emotional.  sometimes the physical acts we all participate in are strictly that...physical acts for our enjoyment and pleasure.  Yet, many times the physical acts are just a tool for the mental and emotional aspects.  As a Dom, I take on a submissive, or own her if you will, and that comes with great responsibility.  I have agreed to care for and watch over her with all I am and have.  I am responsible for her well being, physically as well as mentally and emotionally.  There are times when the activities performed are strictly to get or keep her centered and balanced mentally and emotionally. 

Whatever the case may be, I do find enjoyment in the process involved with a submissive.  I consider it a challenge, and one that I look forward to being involved in.  I like being able to shape her and help her find herself in ways she never even knew existed or were possible.  It is a team effort.  We both play off of each other.  Only together, and with both of us fully invested, can we make beautiful music together that we can can call our own.


  1. As always I love your point of view DV. Ilove that you want to be responsible for her well being, physically, mentally and emotionally.

    You surly seem to know how to treat a woman


  2. DV,

    Okay it's time for you to get a sub. That statement however is completely selfish on my part. Your blog is so insightful and interesting now, I can only imagine how it would be if you had a sub.

    I would love to hear how you deal with the challenges of teaching a new sub. I look forward someday, hopefully, to reading about it.

    Great post,

  3. Carrie...Thank you very much. I do try to treat a woman the way she ought to be. Well, at least the way I think she should be. Just because we are in this lifestyle, doesn't mean she should be treated any less. Maybe even more so for all she puts in and gives of herself.

    Janet...I have dealt with those challenges before, and I do enjoy it. A lot of my insight comes from those times. I do appreciate your concern for my need for a sub. Maybe you will have your wish.


  4. DV,
    Thank you very much for this response to my questions. I do really wonder all these things - partly just because i think it's natural to wonder what the other half thinks and feels, understanding that each person is different, of course. I think maybe I wonder in the case of my husband more specifically because I want to know it is good for him too, or serves a need for him, or at least to be reassured that it's all something he wants, not just for me. (The insecurity waxes and wanes that way). I do hope it is something like you describe here for him, and I'm sure we both will learn more and more about it all as we go.
    Thank you.

  5. A couple of years back when SugarAnne asked for a light spanking as foreplay I was very uncomfortable with it. There was absolutely no sexual charge in it for me like it was for her. In fact, I was a bit nervous about the whole idea. And yet, I was smitten by the power dynamic: the exchange; the electricity. As I began to lurk and learn a bit more, I introduced DD into our relationship. We’re nearly a year in now and a definite sexual need for this has developed for me. Even giving her a light spanking can get me going (she likes that part). But exerting authority is a huge part of it too. I try to be humble and helpful with such power and make sure that the recurring refrain in our song of love is me assisting her in her “blooming”.

  6. Yes...good post, agreed. I find it fascinating that a true Dom, one with integrity, really does enjoy the aspect of shaping his sub for her betterment. And this brings him great joy to take this responsibility and see his "project" evolve to her greatest capacity.