I was recently sent a Formspring comment, from an anonymous person, that questioned my being a Dom. This was due to previous posts where I was airing my feelings and garbage for the world to read. The basic premise was that you can't be a Dominant and have such weak and fluttering feelings about your own life, and then say you want to be controlling of the life of someone else. At first this had me really pissed off. But the more I thought about it, the more I started to laugh. It dawned on me that this person obviously has no clue. Not to mention, they didn't even have the balls to open this discussion with me and have a spirited debate about it. They did it the cowardly way...anonymously.
Through my thoughts on this I came up with several things. First, is is really un-Domly to share your feelings and show a more vulnerable side of yourself? I don't think it is. I personally ask subs to constantly share what they are feeling, how things affect them, how things physically feel, etc... Why should I be any different? Just because we are involved in a relationship with a dynamic such as this one, that does not mean we shouldn't share. It may not come across as the most hardcore manly thing to do, but that doesn't make me any les of who I am. I think it shows the softer side, and that I am willing to open that side up and share it. It takes soeone comfortable with themself to be able to do this. So, does this make me weaker? Nope...I say I do it because I am strong enough to deal with it and express it.
This also bring me back around to something I have discussed before. There is someone out there for everyone. Not all subs will like or be atracted to my type personality. Just as I'm not attracted to all subs. Everyone has varying needs and desires, and you must match those up to make for a good D/s couple. If I'm into spanking and she is not, then we have a compatibilty problem. If she needs humiliation and I don't like that, we have a problem. If she requires a 24/7 HOH relationship and I can't offer it, we have a problem. If I require someone that is into anal sex, and she is against it, then we have a problem. There are all sorts of people out there, and not everyone matches well with everyone else. That is just a fact of life, no matter what type relationship. Yet, you can find someone that matches well with your owns needs and desires, and that allows for a wonderful match and growth potential with the two of you.
Although I was ready to breathe fire for a few minutes, based on someone's apparent ignorant comment, it quickly passed and let a more logical view take over. I am me and that's all I can be. That is all I can expect from anyone else as well. Just be yourself and don't be ashamed of it. I would want no false pretenses. Be who you are and let people like and love you for that.
6 comments:
Great post Sir. The issue of Dominants being open emotional/feelings wise has come up a few times with M. In my own opinion as a sub, I find it easier to relate to a Dominant willing to share. For me it shows he is as committed to the growth of communication and the relationship in general as I am. It also shows he's human. Us submissives sometimes look at our Dominants and wonder how they do it all, some subs I've known have looked at their Doms as if they were gods. For me, this keeps us both grounded.
Banana Boat/J
Wow, DV, wow... I can't believe how ballsy people can be sometimes - although only in an anonymous context evidently! Sorry that you had to deal with that kind of ignorance and I completely understand why that would have pissed you off!
And yes, you're right...it comes down to the issue of to each their own and what kind of Dom you are and what you are comfortable with. Whatever it is that you do should make you feel more balanced, measured, and in control as a Dom...and if that means talking about your issues - great! If that means keeping them to yourself to deal with - great!
Argh, DV...I'm still a bit frustrated about the judgemental world we inhabit, but your response is truly excellent...and balanced and measured and in control... ;)
Take care,
Baby Girl :)
Good thoughts and response DV.
Being a Dom or owning your dominant personality is not about being domineering, uncaring, fake, and pretending not to feel our bend under life's pressures.
I, for one, offer my submission to a man who is strong enough, and sure in himself enough to be real. To express himself.
One thing I remember is when your road got bumpy, you did take stock and act to take care of the primary relationships in your life before dragging any passengers down the bumpy road. I know that was a tough decision; it was very courageous of you. I see you as a solid man.
Glad your ire was up only for a second, it wasn't worth more than that.
A soapbox I've stood on before and will undoubtedly stand on again. If my Dom is happy with me, my personality, and my level of submission, who the @%#*&$ is anyone else to criticize either of us?!?
Ice cream comes in thousands of flavors, not just "vanilla" and "Not vanilla"
Please accept my snort of sympathy...
Thanks for all the support. I'm glad to know you all feel the same about it as I do. Some people just don't get it. People like to bash and critisize what they don't understand. They should just keep to themselves.
DV
I have truly been freed of my shame. I know who I am. What I feel is real. No one can tell me what "normal" is. I hope you feel the same way DV
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