May 3, 2012

So Much More...

When people in general hear something or think about D/s or bdsm, the first thing that comes to mind for them is kink.  It is about the physical acts, the force, the sex, being tied up, spanking, etc...  It is what most would refer to as stepping outside the norm of sexual interactions.  If you just like to play the roles every once in a while, then sure, it is all about the physical acts.  When you don't understand it, sure all you see is the physical acts.  When you have never experienced it for yourself, all you know and see are the physical acts beyond what is the norm for you.  But for many of us, it isn't just the kink.  It isn't just the physical acts.  It's so much more!

In my most recent post (You Raise Me up), the video I made and posted attempts to show this.  Yes, the video portrays Domination and submission.  Yet, I tried to make it show and exemplify the deeper side of this lifestyle.  Showing couples that are involved in these types of relationships, and attempting to show the connection and bond between them.  Trying to show the depth of what they have together.  The lyrics to the song stress this point as well.  When we have a great partner and are together, you do raise each other up.  You give each other strength.  You enable each other to be more than you could be on your own.  And don't think it is just the Dom enabling the sub.  It goes both ways.  A sub can have just as powerful an affect on her Dom and show him how much more and better he can be as well. 


There was a recent post I read by Kitty, where she re-posted and quoted some words written by her Daddy and Husband.  The post (click here to read it) is about how the word submission is viewed in society and gets a bad rap.  Then it goes into the religious references of how a husband and wife should be towards each other.  Daddy explains his view extremely well.  He makes it very clear, which I completely agree with, that submission isn't just about giving and not receiving.  It isn't just about a woman submitting to her husband, obeying, and doing as he says.  The husband should be willing to give as well.  In being in charge and having control, the husband should be willing to give everything he is and has  The Husband should give all he has to and for her, up to and including laying down his own life for her. 

Does that sound like kink to you?  Does that sound like it's just fun physical acts?  Not to me!  It's so much more!  It's a connection and bond that transcends everything else.  Even in everyday life, it's the dynamic within the relationship that can lend strength and stability.  It can make you feel more like yourself, more balanced, and more centered than you could ever be on your own.  It can make you desire to give more of yourself than you have ever given anyone.  It's a place and feeling of safety and security.  There is no other place you would rather be than with that person, giving of yourself, and accepting what they have to offer in return.  It is...home!


8 comments:

tori said...

Interesting post and i agree its much more than just the physical but i think where there is confusion and what causes people to assume its just kink is perhaps lack of understanding.

I know many dont like the use of labels but labels have their purpose, for example bdsm in itself is kink related, D/s or M/s is a dynamic and does not necessarily have to include bdsm although its often assumed it does, many M/s or D/s dynamics do not include sadism/masochism ie pain.

Kink may or may not be a part of a dynamic but either way its not the most important part, well i can only speak for myself but its so much more than that its the whole power exchange and its not bloody easy.

tori

dancingbarez said...

"It can make you feel more like yourself, more balanced, and more centered than you could ever be on your own. It can make you desire to give more of yourself than you have ever given anyone"

That pretty much sums up exactly how I feel. The physical acts are there and enjoyable but the mental acts is what is makes it worth it.

DauntlessVitality said...

Tori, that's my whole point. There is a large lack of understanding, which is why so many people just see this as kink. They also don't understand the dynamics that can be involved in each individual relationship.

I also agree that's it's not always easy. Yet, for me anyway, the rewards are worth the hard work, and can be far greater than any "standard" relationship.

DauntlessVitality said...

Ahhhh...the mental acts. Yes they are what truly does make this what it is. Throw in some deep emotions, and the physical acts, and...magic! :)

Anonymous said...

DV,

Great post! And, thank you for linking to Daddy's wise words.

I loved your video montage, btw, and hope everyone that hasn't seen it will click on the link and watch it. It "says" what you're shared today...after all "a picture is worth a thousand words".

Love,
Kitty

June said...

Thank you for this lovely post. This is a conversation I have repeatedly with a 'nilla friend that I am out to. She thinks my Ward is a brute, because I submit to him. She asks all the time 'What are you giving up?" And she will never understand my answer, "How much am I gaining? Whatever I give to him is replenished many times over."

DauntlessVitality said...

You are more than welcome, and thank you for posting such wonderful things yourself. I'm glad you enjoyed the video as well. :)

DauntlessVitality said...

June, it is hard to explain to those that don't understand. Yes, those of us that do know just how much we really do gain from this. Thanks so much for your comment.