May 7, 2012

Secret Service Debacle

The below article was posted on Yahoo! yesterday.  It is about the whole storm that is brewing over the Secret Service Agents hiring prostitutes in the country of Colombia, while on a  forward security detail for President Obama.  I'm sure most of you have heard about this at this point.  The more I read this article, the more I laughed.  So, let's have a little fun with it.

Before I go too far with this, let me say that I highly respect our military, police officers, federal agents, etc...  As a former member of public safety myself, I fully understand what a thankless job it can be.  But to be honest, these people are just idiots, and deserve to be the brunt of my jokes.  

I have re-posted the article below.  I have made my own comments in red, which are what was running through my head when I read this.  Just to be clear, in no way am I picking at or making fun of ABC News, or Christine Romo or Brian Ross, who wrote the article.  Am I picking at and making fun of the Secret Service and the prostitute (ahem), I mean, female escort?  You bet your sweet ass I am.  LOL! 

On with the roast! 


Secret Service Escort Says US Agents 'Showed No Respect'  Because let's face it...this would be a whole different scenario, and probably would have never even hit the news, if they had just been respectful.  LMAO!  Right!  And  the prostitution profession is so well know for commanding respect.  LOL!

One of the Colombian escorts at the center of the Secret Service scandal emerged from hiding today, recounting in detail her night in Cartagena with a member of President Obama's protective detail and saying she fears for her safety.  If she hadn't been trying to charge so much for her services and rip off the agents, there would have been no argument, and there would be no reason to fear anything.  

Dania Suarez, a 24-year old dark-haired beauty (matter of opinion), appeared on a call-in show carried by Colombia's W Radio and Carocol Television Friday morning, telling callers the agent was "heavily intoxicated" and everything in his luggage and his papers was left open in his room and could have been easily stolen. But this girl isn't stupid, because then she would really have reason to fear for her safety. 

Asked if she had been a spy could she have removed the papers, Suarez said, "Absolutely, absolutely." Let's face it..she couldn't spy on a new born that can't see and couldn't go anywhere. 

"Clearly, in those moments, if I had wanted to, obviously, I could have done so," she said. But I just wanted my money. 

Suarez says she met the agent at a disco where they danced and she began to rub her hands over his body. Because we all know a guy can't resist that. And...we now know the agent didn't go looking for it, she went after him. 

"He didn't know how to dance," she said of the agent, identified in published accounts elsewhere as Arthur Huntington, who has left the Secret Service under circumstances that are unclear. Ok...stop right there!  Let's not pick on the poor guy because he can't dance.  There's a lot of us that have absolutely no rhythm.  That doesn't mean we don't like to have a few drinks and throw our hips around anyway.  And really?  I mean, Really?  The circumstances under which he is no longer employed by the secret Service is unclear?  LMAO! 

She said that Huntington did not appear to be searching for a prostitute but that "I found him." Those stupid Americans just can't resist when a foreign prostitute throws herself at him. 

Suarez said Huntington fell asleep when they returned to his room and refused to answer the question of whether they actually had sex. 

"If I answer this you will know what happened," she said. LMAO like we don't know what happened.  The only other explanation is that she is lying about everything, and the agent was in the right.  Hmmm...!  But since she won't answer, I guess we'll never know. 

Suarez said the agent "did not feel he got what he was being asked to pay for" and that this led to dispute over how much he owed her at the end of the evening. Because she went after him, he didn't even seek her out.  And it must not have been very good if he wasn't willing to pay for it.  LOL! Or...this is a prime example of why you don't drink too much.  By God I want to remember the sex I have.  :D

She said she does not consider herself a prostitute, but an escort because prostitutes "are lower class and live in brothels." Ummmm...uhhh...ummm...I don't even know what to say about that other than...WTF?  Especially since she appears to be a "higher" class citizen. 

She confirmed other accounts that the agent offered her $30, which led to a confrontation at the agent's door which drew the attention of the hotel manager and local police. He offered to pay her, what more does she want?!?! 

She said the agents pleaded, "Please, please no police, no police." Because if the police showed up then this scene would really get out of control more than it already is.  ROFL!

"Between all of them, they collected the money, $250, and that's what happened in the hall," she said. "They were part of Obama's security group and I told them I was going to call the police so they can pay me the money." Who is "all of them"?  I'm beginning to think this poor guy was screwed from the start (no pun intended).  This woman is off her rocker.  She admits she extorted the guy by raising hell in the hall.  And then...then...let's call the police and tell them I'm a prostitute and the guy won't pay me for the sex we had, or whatever she did, so she wants him arrested or for the police to make him pay.  I'm sure that will go over real well.  LMAO!  ALthough, I guess down there maybe it's no big deal.  

Suarez said she left Colombia for a few days because of concerns her life could be in danger and has had no contact with any American official. It's called, I ran with all the money and didn't want to get caught or arrested. 

"Maybe they are just as dumb as the Secret Service agents," she told the station. Hmmm...dumb American officials, and Secret Service Agents?  Ok, that one I can buy, because that has become so very painfully obvious.  But to taunt them in public like that?  You're asking for trouble missy. 

Throughout her appearance this morning, dressed in a skimpy green blouse, Suarez laughed and smiled even as the host reminded her of the seriousness of the scandal. Oh yes, this is something to get on tv and radio and laugh about.  Who is she calling dumb?  I don't care who you are, if you do that and taunt the Agents and officials, then that is when you better start worrying for your safety.  And I guess a skimpy blouse for a tv interview is much more refined and escort-like than what a prostitute would wear.  LMAO! 


  1. LMAO through the entire thing, your responses as well as the article!
    Honestly, I think the entire thing was blown our of proportion..but, that is my point of view of course

  2. So happy to see your additions to the article. Very humorous. I read the article yesterday and wondered how Christine and Brian (ABC News) could keep a serious face during this absurd interview. This Suarez gal must think a book and/or movie deal is in her future.