In this lifestyle we choose to be involved in, almost every relationship has some form of pain involved with it. For some it may be very mild, or more of a discomfort. For others it may be very intense and harsh. There are those out there that love the feel of pain. They get turned on by it, aroused, and need it as a part of their life and from the hands of their partner. They are the masochists. They can't imagine going without being able to receive some sort of painful stimuli.
I think the true masochists are few and far between. I believe that almost all submissives love, like, or learn to like some level of pain. This does not make them masochistic. For them it is not about the pain itself. Pain is a side affect of the bigger picture. For them it is about the act and the method in which the pain is received. Most importantly, it is about the person inflicting the pain or discomfort.
For most submissives, pain from their Dominant is part of the relationship. Whether that be spanking, nipple play, orgasm denial, or any number of other possibilities. It the feeling they get from taking what their Dom dishes out. It's feeling the strength and power from his hands. It's being wiling to withstand what he does to her. It's feeling her own submission to him in giving herself completely to him for whatever he desires. This isn't necessarily about the pain itself. It's much more mental and emotional than just receiving pain. It's much more about her sense of belonging to him and giving all she has to give.
So...just because you read, see or hear about a submissive and then pain she has withstood, don't think it is just about her love of pain. More often than not, it is more about her submission itself and her Dominant. She wouldn't take this type of treatment from just anyone. And the same pain under different circumstances would feel totally different. Yet, under the right circumstances, and with the right person, there is a lot a submissive will take and do, regardless of whether it's pleasurable or not. And most can take much more than they believe they can take.
The irony is that in some ways the pain is pleasurable as she feels her Doms pleasure in her taking what he is giving to her. It's his control and the trust she has in him that enables her to go much further than she ever would otherwise. This is when she feels most like herself and most at peace inwardly, as she pleases him and gives of herself completely to whatever he chooses to do. It is in this she can totally let go and concentrate on nothing but him and their time together.
For most submissives, pain from their Dominant is part of the relationship. Whether that be spanking, nipple play, orgasm denial, or any number of other possibilities. It the feeling they get from taking what their Dom dishes out. It's feeling the strength and power from his hands. It's being wiling to withstand what he does to her. It's feeling her own submission to him in giving herself completely to him for whatever he desires. This isn't necessarily about the pain itself. It's much more mental and emotional than just receiving pain. It's much more about her sense of belonging to him and giving all she has to give.
So...just because you read, see or hear about a submissive and then pain she has withstood, don't think it is just about her love of pain. More often than not, it is more about her submission itself and her Dominant. She wouldn't take this type of treatment from just anyone. And the same pain under different circumstances would feel totally different. Yet, under the right circumstances, and with the right person, there is a lot a submissive will take and do, regardless of whether it's pleasurable or not. And most can take much more than they believe they can take.
The irony is that in some ways the pain is pleasurable as she feels her Doms pleasure in her taking what he is giving to her. It's his control and the trust she has in him that enables her to go much further than she ever would otherwise. This is when she feels most like herself and most at peace inwardly, as she pleases him and gives of herself completely to whatever he chooses to do. It is in this she can totally let go and concentrate on nothing but him and their time together.
15 comments:
Interesting post, personally speaking i struggle with how i would define my relationship with pain in s/m.
I can say that given a choice between sex and an s/m session i will go for the s/m nearly every time, because it gives me sexual release and a buzz which lasts much longer than sex.
It took me a while to come to terms with my masochism but its what i am, the conflict i have had is that even when its pain im not conciously enjoying it still arouses me..there is always the tell tale dripping between my legs to be blunt lol
Its a strange and complex thing masochism and sadism i think and a subject that fascinates me.
As you mentioned, yes for me its during s/m that i can completley let go, i thrive on being pushed and yet even when its more than i may want at that time...afterwards im on a high from having endured for him...and the high can last a while.
tori x
This is very true. "Pain" depends entirely on context. Trust and the removal of fear makes pain just another sensation . Because He is enjoying producing it, that sensation takes on a completely different meaning.
While I agree that not all submissives who like pain are masochistic, I think you left out a very important reason why most submissives endure the pain. The endorphins and dopamine that are released into our bodies while receiving pain gives us a high, much like a runner's high, and takes us into that most delightful of places...subspace. This can be accomplished even when not with the right Dom but, I agree, with that perfect man, these feelings are heightened to where we can almost touch the divine.
I recently wrote something about my own responses to pain. I've come to some conclusions - it has to be with BIKSS, cos it's about the trust. Ours is sex-related : he inflicts it, I react, he enjoys my reaction and turns him on greatly knowing that i will endure it as a commitment to my submission to him. Plus he enjoys the feeling of possession. And I am most satisfied when I know I'm pleasing him.
I think you're right in this idea. For my wife, the pleasure of a spanking comes from the idea of being spanked, rather than the physical sting of her behind. The only exception I see to this is the pain of nipple clamps. For some reason, this particular sort of pain seems to be linked to arousal in a physical way, rather than simply a mental concept...
Tori...thanks for your insight. I think you would fall into the masochistic side of things for sure. And that is what works for you and makes you feel the way you need to feel. It can be hard coming to terms with it and accepting it. We all have different things that really get us going, and none of them are wrong. It's just individual preferences.
DV
Alice...you are so right. Trust and the removal of fear gives it a totally different meaning and feeling. Very well said!
Rose...thanks for bringing this up. You are correct that the chemical releases within our bodies are what make us feel the highs as well as enable us to endure the pain. Yet, which you eluded to, to be able to get that chemical release, it helps greatly to be with the right person and have the right circumstances under which to receive such stimuli.
FA...this is the core of my post and what I was saying. For most, it is all about the possession, the right person, and you being able to feel satisfied in pleasing him by taking what he does to you. This isn't the case for everyone, but is for many. It is with him that you get the chemical release in your brain and feel your best. Very nice!
Jake...you bring up a good point I forgot to mention in my post, and I think Rose was heading this direction as well. It is very plausible for a sub to be both. Meaning...she can enjoy the pain, or certain pain and get aroused from it, but also have it be more of a mental submission as well. there is no reason it can't be a combination of the two. I certainly didn't intend to indicate that you are either one or the other. There can definitely be varying degrees of each within a single person. In fact, there probably is varying degrees of both within everyone. Thanks for mentioning that great point.
It's like in relationship in our lives...we are willing to endure some pain, if we are also receiving pleasure. But yes, I agree that most submissives generally accept a certain amount because they submit, and this is where the pleasure is. The pain endured is a consequence of that. :)
You are so right. I used to classify myself as a masochist, but I realize it is not so. Looking back, I enjoyed it much because of WHO was doing it, and the power exchanged between us!
That is exactly it. I wouldnt take it from anyone else but Master. Sometimes it is the need to feel the sensation of the pain but it is most definitely about who is giving it, trust and love of pleasing him in my taking what he gives.
I think I may fall somewhere in the middle. My experience is similar to that of Tori's. If I could only have sex or pain, I think 95% of the time I would opt for pain because of the control it gives to Master. Being under that control then naturally arouses me. There is also a direct correlation between my arousal and the feeling that he is enjoying giving pain. I need him to want to cause me pain....ok maybe I am more on the masochist side.
I wrote recently about pain and masochism as well... but I feel strongly that I'm a masochist
Http://missunderstoodslut.blogspot.com
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