January 14, 2012

Formspring - A Slave Question

Should a Dom in a Master/slave relationship be able to bring other women into the relationship just because he is Master?

First let me say that I think this is outside of my realm.  I am not, nor have I ever been, involved in a Master/slave relationship.  There is much more control and oversight in this type relationship.  I don't want that.  It's not for me or who I am.  So, I can't speak from experience on this, but I will give my thoughts.  I also thought this would be a good chance for other to give their thoughts and opinions in the comments. 

I want to take a minute to make a few distinctions.  To me, the wording in this question is all over the map.  For me personally, I look at each name as a different characteristic, name being Dominant or Master, while many people tend to use these interchangeably.  To me, Dominant and submissive go together, while Master and slave go together, hence the abbreviations we see all the time, D/s and M/s.  Although, in the community, someone looked at as very experienced and knowledgeable, can be referred to as a Master.  I know it's confusing. 

In the context of this question, I think it's more important to look at the difference between a submissive and a slave.  A submissive is someone who submits to a Dominant and needs to be lead and guided.  She likes having someone control her to a degree.  She gives of herself for his pleasure and direction, and defers most control to him.  Yet, this may not be completely and fully, and she still has rights, and can say no at any time.  She can have limits and it is expected for those limits to be obliged.  A slave, on the other hand, has consensually given up all of her rights.  She is owned by her Master, has no right to refuse or say no, and is at his total mercy.  This is a choice she has chosen, and a right she has given her Master...to own her without question.  Period!  She has no limits and accepts that she could be subjected to anything of her Master's choosing.

Now let's go back to me saying I will give my view and opinion on this topic.  To me, every aspect of the relationship is negotiated.  If I want to introduce a new aspect to our relationship, it is discussed, or at least has been at some point previously.  If I now my submissive does not want it and will fight me on it, then I will not bring it in just because I want to do so.  To me that is wrong and in violation of the trust she has for me.  That is how I view and go about situations such as this. 

In theory, based on having total control, a Master does not have to ask his slave.  He can do as he chooses, whether this is some new kind of activity or bringing someone else into the relationship.  As a slave, she has given up her right to disagree with this.  It is his choice and his choice alone.  There is no arguing about it...his way is the only way...in theory.  I think that prior to any M/s relationship, or any type power exchange relationship, how things are handled and what is expected of each should be worked out in the beginning.  DO NOT become a slave before understanding fully what you are getting yourself into.  All of these understandings should be laid out before moving forward. 

I'm sure my readers and followers will be happy to chime in with their thoughts.  Two that come to mind, that I hope will give their two cents worth on this, are Mouse and Omega.  They are the two that come to mind that could really answer this question.  I for one, look forward to seeing what others think about this topic.



  1. DV Sir,

    Oh wow. First, mouse agrees with EVERYTHING you said about the lifestyle..Yes, slaves have no choices in the technical sense or realm. A better question might be SHOULD a Master bring other's into his dynamic because he can? Only they can answer that.

    At first mouse was going to assume the question was written by a slave but then it occurred to her that either could have witten it. The Master could be looking for validation in his decision to bring other women into his dynamic.

    The short answer is yes, but even tho someone is a slave, doesn't mean that they don't have a say in things..or shouldn't be valued for their opinions. Communication is really the key in situations like those.

    A Master should have as many slaves as he control in a realistic sense, but the slaves in question should get along and accept each other.

    It occurred to mouse that this isn't really a Master/slave question but maybe more of a Poly one?


  2. I think it's a question of not allowing someone to be your Master until you know them well enough and they have earned your trust. Daddy is my Master and we're in a 24/7 relationship. I do accept everything he decides because I trust him. There are things he's talked about doing in the future and I'm a bit nervous, but not scared, because I do trust him and I know he loves me and would never do something that would make me regret my submission as his slave.


  3. Mouse...thanks for leaving a comment. I knew with you being in this lifestyle you would have some words of wisdom. I agree that the question could have come from either side. It could be a slave questioning the Master, or the Master trying to justify his actions. You also bring up something I always go back to...communication. The poly dynamic is a possibility as well. I guess it depends on why another woman is being brought in and the intent.

    Kitty...ahhh trust is everything, isn't it?!?! Without it you have nothing. You also bring up a good point of how essential it is to know your Master well and know what he likes and may want to involve in the relationship, prior to letting them become your Master. Thanks so much for your input.

    ***I guess part of this, and I should have said this in my original post, is we don't know the whole story of the dynamic or relationship of the person submitting the question. We can only make assumptions based on the information we have, and forms our thoughts on that information.


  4. I feel as if this is kind of a trick question, for some reason.
    Yes, once the Master/slave relationship is established and healthy, the Master has the right to do as he pleases, "just because he is Master".
    That said, imo, unless it was something discussed when the relationship was being established and the limits/parameters agreed upon, I don't feel like poly is something that should be introduced unless all parties are comfortable and secure. If a Master is choosing something like that and using the "because I'm Master" reasoning, it would cause me to have serious doubts about a lot of things.
    In addition, introducing it in that manner, which is in some ways dismissive of the slave's feelings/concerns, would put the idea in my head that if Master was not concerned about the slave before things were started, then he most certainly would most likely not be concerned later if the slave felt she was being marginalized, or just was insecure in the new relationship dynamic.
    So, to sum up my opinion: Yes, Master has the right, whether a good Master would choose to do something like that is up for debate.

    1. These were my thoughts when my girl brought this to me. In a perfect world everything is open and disclosed up front. However, people do change and sometimes the desire to have a play partner or even another slave comes to surface.

      Is it the Master's right since he is? Of course, we all agree it is, however it is also his responsibility to care for his slave's mental as well as physical health. Given the fact someone in this dynamic felt the need to question this brings up several flags.

      Be well,

  5. What everyone else said. Yes it is probably a Master's right, however rights come with responsibilities. If there is an argument or question, the dynamic needs to be attended to first. Add another wing to a house without sturdy foundation, and the whole structure might quickly crumble:/


  6. agog...Thanks and I agree. It seems as though there is a lack of concern for the slaves feelings. Again, to me, no matter what dynamic you have, open discussion and taking the slaves feelings and opinions into account should always be part of it. There is one thing you said that stuck out about the relationship...healthy. It has to be healthy or there will be many problems looming.

    Omega...thanks so much for stopping by. Yes, people change and desire or want to try new things. This is only natural. Yet, communication is key. And I agree that the Master is responsible for the slaves mental and emotional well being. If he isn't, then yes, this raises some huge flags.

    K...I like your analogy. And we all know that a crumbling house and foundation is a BAD thing.

    I think we all are thinking very much along the same lines as to our beliefs and concerns about this situation. It's good to know that most of us feel the same way.


  7. I have never understood the concept of harems in the D/s world. I came to the D/s scene looking for the potential of a deeper, richer and more intimate relationship than I had found in the vanilla world. To bring a third or fourth or fifth person into a relationship where so much trust is required seems to defeat the entire purpose of the world of D/s. Of course, I can't imagine ever being a 'slave' to anyone so that could be clouding my judgment. *shrugs*