July 6, 2011

Differences In Approach

The last and most recent post I wrote is called "Giving".  I suppose it is more based on prose than anything else.  Nonetheless, it contains some of how I see D/s and these types of relationships.  I got a comment from K at Her Spirit His that brought up some questions.  I thought my response to her comments were important.  They didn't need to be buried within the comments of that post.  I also didn't want to get too lengthy in the comments section, so I am responding with this post.  Her comments are as follows:

"Beautiful...could it be that some Doms are simply more sadist and thus not able to be exactly this way? Or is it necessary ...I have often wondered...I guess like most things, it depends."

Not all Masters/Dominants are the same.  We all have our own views and opinions and our own individual personalities.  This is the same for a submissive.  Everyone, no matter what title or designation you have or don't have, is their own individual person.  That's what makes the world go around.  The views and thoughts expressed within my blog and posts are...well, they are my views, thoughts and opinions.  Many of you may like and agree with what I write.  Some others may not.  All that I write is based on my approach to TTWD, and what works for me.  I certainly will never say that what I do and think is the ONLY way.  It is just my way.  It's what works for me and the Dominant that I am.  DV the Dom!

I am a self-described sensual, passionate and loving Dominant.  I'm not very sadistic, although I do love some pain implementation.  I'm not overbearing and don't tend to hover over my submissive.  I don't micromanage her actions, and tend to let things flow.  I will guide and direct her as needed, and lead her down the path we both need.  I tend to let my actions lead her into further submission.  I want and need her to want and need to submit.  Not because I demand it of her.  I do give a lot of myself to my submissive.  Sometimes almost in a way that may appear to an outsider that I'm being submissive to her and her needs.  Yet, I maintain control.  I will push and maintain my position.  I will continue to lead, even when giving her all she wants and needs.

There are Dominants out there that are much more sadistic than I am.  There are Doms that want and need much more oversight than I do.  There are submissives that have masochistic tendencies and need a more sadistic Dom.  There are subs that need more oversight and like having a Dom that has his finger on everything they do.  We all have differing needs and desires.  This is why it is so important that you find a partner that matches your needs.  Just because someone is Dominant doesn't mean they are right for a particular sub.  Conversely, just because someone is submissive doesn't make them the right for a particular Dom.  Your needs and desires need to match well, and there needs to be that special chemistry between you.  I have been with subs that didn't match well with me.  To me it's not about being with a submissive...it's about being with the right and perfect submissive and person for me. 

So K, to ultimately answer your question...yes there are probably a lot of Doms that aren't exactly the way I describe in my posts.  This is just how I believe and what works for me in being a Dominant.  No one way is right or wrong.  It revolves around each individual persons needs and personality.  If you agree with my approach, then you need to find a Dom that does as well.  If you need more than what I describe, then you need to find a Dom that needs more as well.  It all boils down to being on the same page with your partner, and being able to understand each others position, needs and desires within the relationship.

Thanks so much for your comments and questions!


  1. How I love the current accumulation of posts throughout blogland - or at least in certain outposts - reminding people that we are all individuals and that just because our type of relationship falls into the broad category of bdsm, doesn't mean they all are, or should be, the same.

    The way I usually put it is that a relationship is still just a relationship, and is ultimately about the individuals involved and what works for you.

    Maybe that's one of the benefits of reading blogs - aside from the titillation factor of spying on other people's lives... we see all the different ways that people try to relate, different roads to intimacy, and we learn that there are many, many answers.


  2. Thank you for this thoughtful response, DV..
    It will be worth a second read!


  3. A submissive relationship requires the most trust and communication than any other relationship. sumisa madrid