Pride and Ownership...

There is a part of every Dominant that is very difficult to see.  Within each Dominant is a part of him (substitute "her" if it makes you feel better or suits your situation) that very few will ever see.  Only those with which he is directly involved, such as his submissive, will likely see this side of him. This mysterious and hidden part is his sense of pride.

I have talked before about many of the new things and feelings that a submissive will experience and find about herself.  Not just anyone can pull this out of her.  It takes a special man..the right man...to be able to maneuver inside of her and find these special feelings.  She may be submissive, but she does not and will not submit to just anyone.  Only for him.  Only for the one that she feels has earned and deserves her submission.    Only for the one man that she feels comfortable opening up to and making herself vulnerable.  Only he is allowed to see this side of her.

The same goes for the Dominant.  There are parts of him that only his submissive will be allowed and privileged to see.  It's not because he is holding it back from everyone else.  It's not because he refuses to show and express his feelings.  It's because it takes that special woman, that special submissive, that can maneuver inside of him and allow him to feel things no one else can.

With the right submissive and partner, the Dominant will feel a sense of pride like at no other time.  It's a sense of pride in what he has been able to accomplish and in his submissive.  When his guidance and leadership has been able to help her see things like never before, and she feels sensations deep within her soul that she didn't know were even possible, his sense of pride begins to shine.  It's seeing his handy work come to fruition.  He has led and guided her down a path of discovery, and now she has discovered what he has been leading her to find.

He sees this within her.  He can sense the growth and progress she has made.  Based on the new discoveries and feelings, she presents herself and acts differently.  She has blossomed into someone much more beautiful in his eyes.  Knowing he has been able to hep her do this brings about his sense of pride.  It's like a teacher happy with his students.  It's like a parent happy with the decisions and choices of his children.  Yet, it's deeper and more emotional.  There is care and love.  There is appreciation.  There is a true sense of value.  There is affirmation of all you have been doing.  This is a pride like no other.

In this lifestyle we talk about ownership.  There is the physical ownership of a Dominant taking on a submissive.  She is his and belongs to him.  Yet, there is also the mental and emotional ownership that develops over time.  It's when she truly feels this within herself that she is truly owned.  When she feels it inside...when she feels like she belongs...when she feels like there is no other.  There really are no words to describe how this feels, but it is there and is a feeling only those that have been there understand.  Being able to get a submissive to this place and feeling owned...there is no feeling like that for a Dominant either.  That instills and brings forth a sense of pride in leadership that nothing else can do.

When she truly feels owned, not in the physical sense, but mentally and emotionally, and there is no greater feeling or place she would rather be, the pride a dominant feels is equal to the feelings she has in her ownership.  She has never been happier than being in this place, and he has never been more proud of her and all she has accomplished to get there.  In a way, she owns him as well.  This is what we all strive for...for two separate people to grow into one phenomenon that is greater than the both of them singly.  For both of them it brings about feelings of pride and of ownership.  And it's feelings that only that special person could have brought out of them...and that few other people will ever see.

We Are Parts Of A Whole

This was taken from a post on a Tumblr Blog I follow...Desire's Journey.  She posts some great things so you ought to check out her Tumblr Blog.  Anyway, I thought this was fantastic.  When I read it, I felt as though I could have written this myself.  This encompasses my views and approach to TTWD so well. 

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What Is A Master?

 

I am a dominant man. I am just that.
I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part.
Not because I feel I am more intelligent, or wiser.
I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body.
I am not, nor would I want to be dominant with all women.

Yet to you, I am Master.

I am your Master only after earning your trust and I embrace your submissiveness.
I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions.

You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions.
You tell me of the needs of your heart and body.
You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor.
You are a woman.
You are not weak or inferior because of it.
You are a treasure to be cherished.

We are not equal.

I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you.
You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart.
Your belief in me gives me courage and direction.
Your strength disperses my doubt.
Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts.

We are not equal. We are parts of a whole.
We complement each other and make each other complete.
My desire to dominate you is instinctive.

It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine.
We each recognize and accept our worth, and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs.

You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood.
You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion.
You expect a man to stand strong and be a man.
You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man.
In return you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart.
You submit because I have earned your trust.

Because I have opened my heart and soul to you.
Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions. And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life;

You have given me dominance over you.
What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman
could give a man.
You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me.
Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility.

I accept this from you with humility and joy.
I understand the rarity and purity of this gift.
I recognize it is your body and soul,
your heart and mind.
I dominate you only because you have allowed it.
I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other women and all the treasures of the earth.

What you give freely cannot in reality be bought and if it could, it would never mean the same..

 (Michael P. - Feb, 1994 - Compuserve)

Quote Of The Day - July 9, 2011

“The difference between a truly dominant man 

and a controlling one is that 

the dominant man needs and wants consent, 

whereas the controlling man 

doesn’t even understand what this word means.”

~Author Sir J~
From the post - The difference between dominant and controlling

(Just a little something to think about - DV)

Less Submissive Positions

Photography by Gordon Denman

So I got to thinking...  I know, I know!  You coud feel the earth shake when it happened.  Blah blah blah!!! 

Anyway, some of the posts and sites i have been reading talk about scenes and scenarios a couple engage in, and involve the Dom/Master taking and using his sub/slave as he so chooses.  This is how it should be, I might add, and what she needs.  I got to thinking about the different positions that these couples are in and use to engage in sexual intercourse.  I for one, enjoy a myriad of positions, as each has it's own benefits and sensations.  Sometimes you just go where the moment takes you, and where that moment has you end up. 

It seems, however, that you don't hear or read much about a sub being on top and riding her Dom.  I like to have a woman on top.  Sometimes it's nice to lay there and let her work her magic.  Yet, being on top seems to come across as a position of power.  One of being in control.  Maybe I'm wrong, but this is just the perception I have in my head.  This being the case, I can understand why you don't hear much about it.  Why would a Dom, or a sub for that matter, want the sub on top and in control of the situation?  Other than the fact that it is just a pleasureable position for the mere sensation of the intercourse itself.

So my questions are these... 

1.  Does this position, woman on top, and assuming the woman is the sub, make her feel less submissive? 

2.  Does it make a Dom feel less Dominant?

3.  For the subs, what other positions make you feel less submissive and less controlled?

I'm just curious.  I haven't really seen a post on certain positions and their place in a D/s relationship.  Again, I'm always trying to learn and see all sides of a situation.   The better I, as a Dominant, understand both my side better and the sub side better, the better I can become as the Dominant person I am.  I am the type to be a logical thinker.  I need all sides involved to be able to make the best decision possible.  IT's one of those OCD personality traits I have.  I lot of my thought process doesn't work around feelings and attachments.  It is more based on information and what seems to be the best process and scenario given the information provided.  This is a fault, but also a blessing. 

I have digressed, and gotten off the topic.  I'm just curious as to other people involved in this lifestyle, and how they view different positions.  Bring on the comments!

Take A Good Look In The Mirror

Photography by China Hamilton

Take a good look in the mirror!  What do you see?  Do you see the real you?  Who you really are?  Or... do you see the person that you put up for everyone to see?  The person you want everyone to think you are?  To believe you are?

I saw this picture and it made me think of some of the conversations I have had with my pet.  She has recently, within the past few months, faced the fact of who and what she is...a submissive that needs and craves to be controlled.  She has felt these feelings for years, yet she didn't really understand them.  Over her life, she always loved being a pleaser in the bedroom, being controlled, and wanting to be able to totally let go all her inhibitions and be the slut she needs to be.  Yet, she did not understand these feelings until very recently, and totally understand what these desires she had really meant.  She has stated that she has felt this way her whole life, but didn't really know what to do with it.  No sexual relationship, of the vanilla sort, has ever been very satisfying, but she did not know why and couldn't figure out exactly what she wanted on a sexual level.  Her daily family life and career also require her to be anything but submissive.  She must be strong and in charge. 

Alas... along comes Sir Dauntless!  LOL!  Seriously though, I have been able to help and enable to her to see and much more clearly understand her underlying feelings and desires.  She has voiced her thoughts on how much better she feels and how free she now feels after being able to see the light and better understand herself.  She refers to this as "total irony".  That fact that she has openly accepted who she feels she truly is and that she is submissive and now owned, yet she has never felt more free and better about herself.  With me, she has dropped the mask that everyone sees in her daily life, and let me see and lead the real "her" down this path.  She also realizes that how she was raised to be and act and the false front of what a good girl does and doesn't do has no bearing on this.  I not only expect but require that she be open, kinky, and the slut and whore you truly is and needs to be.

I think there are a lot of people who deny the existence of who they truly want to be, based on what they feel society expects of them.  People are conditioned to conform to what society expects, and so here comes the mask.  The mask that we use to show the world what we think they want to see.  I understand that in some cases, my own included, based on family and work, that the mask can be a must.  Yet...you also need to be able to take it off and be who you really are without holding yourself back and denying even to yourself who you are at your core.  For a lot of people, this can be an internal struggle that is difficult to get beyond, but once you face it and accept it, then it will enable you to be much more free and relaxed than you have ever been before.  This doesn't just apply to BDSM or D/s.  It can be in regards anything in your life. 

So...I challenge you to take a good look in the mirror and see who is looking back at you.  Is it the real you, or the one that is expected of you?  Are you denying your core existence and who you truly are?  If so, maybe it's time to take off the mask and feed the monster just enough to at least see what it is like.  You might just like what you find and how it feels!