February 15, 2012

Finding Our Balance

There are some terms that float around this lifestyle that seem to be at the core of the benefits of this thing we do.  The terms I am referring to are being "balanced" and "centered".  I have read others and had conversations over the years where people felt out of sorts and out of place until they found their Dominant or submissive side.  But once they did, they seemed to have found their calling.  They found what they had always been missing.

Having found it and having it a part of their lives seems to have helped them stay more balanced and centered as a whole, and in every aspect of their life.  It cuts to the core of their being and is a foundation for them to plant their feet upon.  A good analogy would be that they have always had shallow roots in the ground.  They never felt securely anchored.  But now...now it's like miracle grow was put on them, and their roots have grown deeper, thereby making them much more secure and stable, and they have been able to blossom like never before.

Here is an excerpt from the writing of an anonymous submissive, and I think it states my point very well.

I am oddly amazed at how much I can miss You.  My interactions with You make me feel balanced and centered and keep me feeling much more like the person that I feel like I am.  I look back at how I was feeling before thanksgiving and You have made such an enormous difference.  Even bad days are more tolerable.  I’m not as frazzled.  I can focus better.  I feel so much more in control of my life.

And just like that, I have this overwhelming need for You, to feel You near me, to have You handle me.  I am totally flattered that You enjoy the thought of me being closer to You.  I know that we should not derive our own self worth from what other people think of us but I feel so much better about me since You have been here. 

The chaos has not gotten any better but it is so calming to think about submitting and serving You.  Thinking about submitting to You seems to quiet me, quiet all the external noise, quiet all the thinking about what DESPERATELY needs to be done.  And for someone who has always had all this external noise in their brain, that’s a pretty cool phenomena.

This type of feeling seems to be a staple in this lifestyle for those that find their way to this.  Sometimes we need reminded as to just how great this is for us.  After a point, it becomes normal and we can begin to take it for granted.  We can't really appreciate it unless we look at what it would be like without it as part of our lives.

I'm curious as to how all of you, my readers and followers, feel about this.  How has this lifestyle affected your life?  Has it made you more balanced and centered?  Has it helped you be a better person because you have been able to be yourself and not have to hide who you are any longer?  Does it bring a sense of calm to you and enable to you to be more grounded?  Please share your thoughts and feelings on this and how it has affected you, positively or negatively.



  1. Not discovering my submissive side, but finally accepting it, and exploring it has made me a much mor ewhole person, and given me some balance. I use the qualifier "some", because in my case my primary relationship partner is not accepting of this integral part of me. I can see how with an accepting partner that it could potentially be life changing in it's centering.

  2. Since I am very new to this, I am not sure things have settled down yet. However, I have noticed some changes.

    I am normally very dominant socially and in work. I have a pretty extreme when it comes to controlling my environment. That seems to have faded somewhat as submission has entered my life.

    I have always also been very independent and felt like I did not need anyone. I always felt like they loved me more than I loved them. In this relationship, I feel a deep need for M. I am able to be alone (travel for work etc) but only if necessary. I crave his touch, his presence. I can honestly say I NEED him.

    At this time, the D/s in bringing up a great deal of new feelings and thoughts I never had before. The intensity is more than I ever expected. But I can also see how there are periods of much greater calm than before.

    Thanks for this post. It got my gears going.

  3. I think the best way i can sum up is it is liberating, to be able to embrace who i am, be proud to be who i am...accepting that there is nothing wrong with what we do so long as its not hurting others.

    However at times i struggle with all of those above but then i over analyse everything...i like explanations and i still havent found one for why i am like i am....i need to accept that there may not be one i am just me!

    It sometimes feels like a balancing act and i have multiple personalities, in my job i have to be assertive and in control but its still me, yet because of the nature of my job and societies view in general i keep this part of my life private.

    But with him i can let go...i can just 'be' there is no pretence or holding back.


  4. I've been lurking for a bit here - love this blog - but this post really made me want to chime in.

    I finally have a partner who values both my submissiveness and my high sex drive. Every other partner I've had (not that many, but still) has either been threatened by or resentful of my high sex drive and submissiveness. It's such a relief to have someone that values this part of me. I definitely feel more centered and able to sort through the 'noise'. Also I've noticed I have more patience with people; I'm less easily angered.

  5. I too am in a newer relationship and mirror some of the comments above. I do feel more centered, balanced and liberated. I am also very surprised at how quickly I have come to need the control and start to feel a bit unbalanced if I don't feel it. Overall it has been wonderful so far.

  6. I'm not in a relationship, but I am looking and I'm not even sure if I would classify myself as submissive. I have just found that I am softer now that I am exploring this world and I am finding that people are treating me in a kinder way. Because of the new found "softness" I am attracting people to me and I like it. Yes, calm and more grounded because I am accepting the fact that I don't have to be in charge or totally independent anymore.

  7. This post resonated a lot ... it has been almost 8 months now since I discovered the submissive side of my personality ... and while the first several were still pretty tumultuous and confused ... there was so much to understand and accept ... the ultimate impact ... at least to date ... has been nothing but positive ... I couldn't put it much better than that excerpt by the anonymous submissive that you included ... so very very close to my own experience ... life can never be entirely perfect of course ... there are good days and bad days ... but in general I have never been more calm ... focused ... stable ... or sure of my place in the world ... discovering this part of myself has been the best thing that has ever happened to me ... no contest ...

  8. I'm late to the game, but this type of lifestyle has definitely brought a calm and peace to my life. I am more able to handle increasingly difficult situations because of my Sir.