November 17, 2012

Do what?!?! I'm A Sadist?!?!

I came across a very interesting topic in some of my reading.  It flips the coin on a lot of what I write about, which is on submissive emotions, understanding, and acceptance of who and what she is.  This topic is all about the Dominant and how he reconciles his sadist desires while being a loving and caring person in life and a general sense, and even in a Dominant sense.  I think this is well worth a look.

This is a very good topic and one I haven't seen talked about much. Just as it can be hard for a sub to reconcile their need to submit and/or their need for pain, it can be hard for a Dom to reconcile their need to Dom and to inflict pain.  I am not at all above admitting that I have had this internal battle on occasions.  On one hand I want to make her feel loved, cared for, and to know she is safe with me.  On the other, I have the desire to push her limits, inflict some form of pain, and to make her endure for me. 

I consider myself a passionate and caring Dom, but do also enjoy being aggressive at times and pushing her with my sadistic side.  A sub should need all the care, appreciation, and support you can give her. She also can need your force and sadism to help her feel and be who she needs to be. It is this need in her that helps pull it out of me. I'm comfortable with it knowing she needs it and needs my sadistic nature, at least at times. Doesn't mean she needs it all the time, but certainly some of the time. 

I think just as subs have to come to terms with accepting it's ok to want these things and this lifestyle, the same applies to a Dominant.  He has to come to some understanding that he isn't just hurting someone, but there is a purpose.  Yes, he may find pleasure in it, but so does she.  Yet, he is also being what she needs him to be.  He is stepping up and being the Dominant he needs to be for himself and she needs him to be.  It meets a need and a purpose for each of them. 

Let's keep in mind though, that all his actions are done with consent.  At no time or point should anyone engage in these actions against the will or consent of the other person. 

After your times of sadistic pleasure, this is the best time to comfort her and be the caring Dom you are. This is the aftercare she will need and when she will need it most. This is the time you can let your softer side shine through and be the caring person Dom she knows and loves.  Show her you aren't just using her to get your sadistic pleasures.  That you too need to hold and caress her and show her how much you care and she means to you. 

 It's all part of the yin and yang of D/s...it's each of you giving the other what you need, and helping each other reach your potential. So, don't be afraid of your Dominant sadistic side...embrace it. Just make sure that your sub is on board with your desires and that your wants and needs match up well with the intent you have.  This is one of those areas where your sub can help you grow and expand and learn more about yourself.  She can show you the side of you that you need to be for her, and to know it's perfectly fine to be this way.  Yes, a sub can teach her Dom, and can do so to make him better for them both...and that is a beautiful thing. 


10 comments:

  1. This was great to read. After I read it, I passed the computer to my Sir and he enjoyed your point of view. Thank you for your post!

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    1. Thank you both a as well. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  2. I agree completely. It is only in the last 18 months or so that I realized I have a very sadistic sreak. It just surfaced as I explored different aspects of Dominance and BDSM. The more I saw, the more I loved it...

    Great article

    William

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    1. Very interesting! It's great that you are finding yourself and parts you didn't even know existed. Even better that you are ok with what you are finding and enjoying it. Good for you!

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  3. Do you feel like this is an ongoing process, or that there is a point at which you've accepted it and now you don't worry about it any longer? Having started, together, from square one so to speak, my husband and i have each had to reconcile our own desires, as you point out, in different ways. There are occasions that we leapfrog - one jumping ahead and the other catching up. That introduces it's own hurdles to the equation. I think it is something important you've written about; it's very easy to forget this.

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    1. I think it's an ongoing process for both sub and Dom. The relationship and people within it are always evolving and growing and changing. There are always new hurdles to overcome and to be able to work through them together. That's what makes this great and a two way street. Both people can help the other become more and go further than they could do on their own.

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  4. Interesting .. this is something Sir and I've talked about just today.
    Sir has assured me that he is in control of his sadistic nature.
    He is a nurturing sadist..I see both sides of this whenever we spend time together.
    It used to upset me.. to see his tenderness after his cruelty came out so harshly.
    Now, I've found peace with this duality. Great post and a topic not often touched upon. Thanks!

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    1. There can definitely be some duality with a Dom and what he needs and provides. Just as there can be some for a sub and what she needs. Many times, we all need the force and the depth of our role in the relationship, but we also need the softness and reassurance. Thanks for your comment.

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  5. I think that it is an ongoing process, for them as a couple as much as for each individual. They both should be completely comfortable with it, accept it but not take it for granted.

    Thanks for a great post. I always enjoy them.

    xoxo,
    A

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  6. Excellent post, DV. Reconciling my desire to give pain to my wife is something I struggle with at times as well. Good to hear your thoughts on the topic!

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