February 6, 2012

Suffering For Greater Good


The definition of suffering is... an experience of unpleasantness and aversion associated with harm or threat of harm in an individual, and may be qualified either physically or mentally.  Suffering can be seen in many ways as pain.  In TTWD, there is a lot of what we do that revolves around pain and suffering.  This can be anywhere from very mild to very severe, depending on the type and way it is inflicted. It can be anything from orgasm withdrawal and mind games, to spanking, caning, flogging, and whatever else that may fall into the realm of physically inflicted pain. 

Discerning Dom wrote a post recently where he looked at whether all Dominants are Sadists.  A sadist being someone who derives pleasure from the infliction of pain.  Conversely, a masochist is someone who derives pleasure from receiving pain.  I don't by any means think that all Doms are sadists, and don't believe that all subs are masochists.  Yet, I do think that some sort of suffering is inherent in any and all D/s or power exchange relationships.  

Due to the nature of these type relationships, I think that suffering on some level is crucial to the relationship.  It tests the resolve and commitment of the relationship.  It can test a submissives desire and need to submit to her Dominant.  It can test her willingness to submit to her Doms desires and wishes.  From the Dominant side, it can test his willingness to push his submissive further.   It can test his desire to show his strength, power and control.  

Does this mean that either person is either a sadist or a masochist?  No, not at all.  Neither of them my receive direct pleasure from whatever activity is instituted.  Yet, they may both receive pleasure from the outcome of what the activity accomplished.  There may be quite a bit of pleasure, for one or both, by seeing the results of what they have done together.  As a Dominant, I may not get pleasure from making or seeing my submissive suffer, but I will get pleasure from know she laid herself out there for me, and suffered for me, to become a better person for it.  It can bring the two of you closer and strengthen the bond the two of you have.  The suffering, however mild or severe, can lead to a greater good.  

I think that suffering for the greater good can be a wonderful thing.  A person can learn and grow from positive reinforcement and behavior, but can also learn from negative behavior, suffering, and pain.  The key is knowing what type of suffering to inflict, doing it with a specific purpose, and doing it with love and intention, as well as a goal.  For me personally, I don't get pleasure from inflicting pain and suffering just for the sake of doing it.  There needs to be a purpose and a goal behind it.  I don't want to make and see her suffer for no reason.  I want to see the growth and benefits that come from having inflicted whatever I have done.  

I will leave you with this quote that I think describes very well exactly what I am trying to say...that there is a goal behind the infliction of the chosen suffering, and that hopefully it leads to the betterment of you both and to a greater good.  

Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape. --Charles Dickens

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

DV,

I so agree with what you've written, especially the part about there being a reason for suffering. It's amazing that after I've been punished it makes Daddy and I closer and even more intimate.

Love,
Kitty

Anonymous said...

A+ post, Sir!

Your reflection shows great insight.

dancingbarez said...

DV,

I like the thought of seeing the growth and benefits from what has been inflicted. It's amazing how intense this type of relationship can become in such a short amount of time. It really blindsided me. I knew what I was asking for but I didn't get the intensity of it until it started happening.

tori said...

Interesting. A big buzz for me and my Owner is me enduring for his pleasure, sometimes i will enjoy the actual act and yet at other times i suffer but i like sufferring for him (even though i wont like what he is doing at that time)....does that make sense? But then im a masochist and he is a sadist.

I think it very much depends on how we are defining sufferring and the effects this has on the sub, it could be more detrimental than beneficial so im not sure it would work for all.

Although my Owner is a sadist he would not however get any enjoyment from inflicting pain on someone that does not enjoy it on any level, but yet he enjoys pushing me to the point of sufferring but only because he knows i revel in this.

From my point of view i would not feel comfortable nor would want to suffer at the hands of someone that genuinely took no pleasure in doing so.

Its certainly a complex area with so many variables and a subject that fascinates me.

tori

Anonymous said...

cute you would use a Dickens quote on the day of his 200th birthday.

I think that there is suffering in any relationship D/s or not. Perhaps in D/s we are just more up front and willing to use/play with it.

For the record I do not consider myself a sadist.

mouse said...

DV Sir,

Excellent post. While Daddy can't say that he's a total sadist anymore (since we've banned the hard edge play from our lives) he does still enjoys inflicting some measure of pain on mouse.

We've talked a lot about his sadism over the years...maybe the difference is that he enjoyed just as much punishing or thinking about punishing mouse, almost as much as regular scene.

It's funny because mouse always thought as much as he said he didn't enjoy punishments, part of her felt he truly did.

But as to the suffering...oh yes...it's wonderful to suffer!

Hugs,
mouse

DauntlessVitality said...

I think it does bring you closer, at least under the right circumstances. Although for you, your short term suffering always leads to mind blowing sex. So...how could you not like it and feel closer. LOL!

DauntlessVitality said...

Thanks so much!

DauntlessVitality said...

These relationships can be very intense. I think you mention a great pint though. I don't think you can truly understand the intensity until you experience it. You can talk about it all day long, but until you go through it yourself, you can't really understand it fully.

DauntlessVitality said...

Tori,

Some very good points. It definitely has a lot to do with the mutual need for each other and what the other enjoys. I think it does make a big difference in whether or not you are sadist/masochist. I think, though, that my point is that no matter what, every Dom will inflict some sort of pain or suffering at one point or another. It's just the nature of these relationships. And I think that there is a point and purpose to the suffering. We may all get something different from the suffering, but we do gain from it...under most circumstances anyway.

DauntlessVitality said...

Sir J,
I'm not sadistic either, or at least don't consider myself that way. I think what you mentioned is a big difference in almost every D/s relationship versus a vanilla one. So many things we are open and up front about, and that can make a huge difference in your relationship, no matter what dynamic you have or don't have.

DauntlessVitality said...

Mouse,

From what I know of the two of you, I think you both enjoy it on some level. Maybe more than we all know. Yet, I also think the two of you are a testament to how it can and does bring you closer. Yet, you have to know and understand each other and your individual needs. Pain and suffering can be detrimental depending on what is inflicted and how it is done. Everyone is different, so the key is tailor fitting it to the two of you and your relationship. Thanks for your comment, as always!

Hiz Grl said...

I am so happy to have found your blog. You are very insightful Sir. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
xx Hiz Grl

Slut said...

This is such fascinating insight into the mind of a less-sadistic yet no-less-powerful Dominant; thank you! My Master is actually not one with strong sadistic urges, so it's very interesting to me to understand some of the psychology behind this viewpoint. It seems there are many Doms I've read who like causing pain for the sake of pain which can feel gratuitous and confusing to me. I cherish the feeling of obeying my Master regardless of His orders because I find pleasure in pleasing him (including suffering for His desires.) While I feel I may have more masochistic tendencies than he does sadistic, it gives me wonderful satisfaction knowing there is a real purpose in his sexual quest and boundary pushing. Lovely insight!
xoxo, Slut

DauntlessVitality said...

Thank you for finding my blog, for following, and for your kind words. I look forward to your comments in the future, and hope I can continue to provide the insight you expect.

DauntlessVitality said...

Thank you for your comments. I'm glad to know I could help you see his viewpoint a little better. The satisfaction you feel is what I strive for as a Dominant. Sometimes that involves encouragement and positive reinforcement, and others times some form of pain or suffering. Yet, it is all done with a purpose, to strengthen the bonds between you, and to give you the satisfaction you need and desire from this style relationship.

Lea said...

"As a Dominant, I may not get pleasure from making or seeing my submissive suffer, but I will get pleasure from know she laid herself out there for me, and suffered for me, to become a better person for it. "

I feel the same, but from the submissive side. I don't always enjoy pain, or suffering, but I do enjoy accomplishing something FOR him. Something purely for him. Its one of the reasons why failing in this, even in small things becomes of monumental importance.