November 4, 2010

More Formspring Questions

If you are busy and your submissive needs you, would you prefer that she deal with it on her own (and you discuss it later) or would you help her even then? 

Is a too busy Dom a bad Dom? 

 I received these two questions in my Formspring.  First off let me say, that I know Friday is Formspring day for most of you.  However, for me I already have a Friday obligation (FAF), so I will just answer these as they come to me and I have time to answer them.  Second, both questions are similar and I'm not sure if they are from the same person or not.  Regardless, I will answer them the best I can.

A busy Dominant seems to be the topic of concern.  This can be a touchy issue.  The short answer to the first question, will I help my sub even if I'm busy, is YES!  I think it is the Doms responsibility to help and assist his submissive whenever she is in need.  At least the best he can under his particular circumstances.  

There is a longer answer to this.  I think it greatly depends upon the relationship, each person's specific situation, and what the Dom is busy doing.  If you are like me, and you know about my home situation, we are not living together or in a place where we can see each other frequently, then that makes things a bit different.   We both understand our situation and the dynamic of our relationship and the others involved in our lives.  So..should I help my sub even if I'm busy?  Yes!  However, she also has to understand that I may be in the middle of other obligations, and I will help her as soon as I possibly can do so. 

On the second question, is a busy Dom a bad Dom?  I think this depends.  As you long as you both understand your respective situations, then it can be worked around.  IF you are interested in a Dom who is very busy, and you need more than he can give you, then it can be a problem.  This is something the two of you need to openly discuss and lay out there for each other.  You each need to be open about what you need and expect and see if it can be worked out between you.  If one of you can't give the other as much as they need, then this may be something that doesn't fir or work.  So, is a busy Dom a bad Dom?  It doesn't make him bad or any less Dom.  It just may not make him the right Dom for you.



  1. I agree that the Dom and the sub should discuss what they each need and expect from the relationship and work out a solution to the too busy Dom situation together. Many Doms forget this step and don't include the sub in deciding whether problems can be worked out so both of them can continue to benefit from being in the relationship.

  2. Ooo good answers.

    I think what anonymous says is correct, but I think that subs need to be reminded every now and then that they are there to serve their Dom, not to be served by him.

    I struggle with that. With a Dom who is working on his PhD and has a full time job, my Master is a busy Master. I have to remind myself (constantly) that I knew this going into the relationship and that I chose to be his slave anyway. Sometimes that means I come last. Do I like it? No. But this is the fate that I chose, and if it ever gets to be _too_ much.... I could honestly walk away if I wanted to, obviously I don't want to.


  3. I should state, I like your answers too DV, lol. I don't think I was clear on that... wanted to make sure you knew I liked both your responses and Anon's responses.

  4. I disagree with the deduction "It doesn't make him [a] bad.....Dom. It just may not make him the right Dom for you." Unless you're just playing at being dominant and submissive in a relationship, D&S relationships entail the intertwining of strong emotions between the partners. I think most subs and slaves would agree that they serve their Dom to honor and please him and also to complete the inner core of who they as a sub or slave are inside. But the Dom takes on immense responsibility when taking on a sub or slave. The more respect and thoughtful treatment a Dom gives the sub or slave, the more she will be compelled to serve and pleasure the Dom in return. It's a reciprocal form of dynamic. A too busy Dom being pulled in many directions through multiple obligations to others cannot fulfill all the responsibilities that make a 'good' Dom. However, if you go into a relationship with a too busy Dom with other obligations with your eyes open you should have the choice to do so. I agree with DV that both parties of the D&S relationship should lay out and express openly what their needs are to each other along with what needs are not being met to see if they can be worked out so they can stay together. I agree with the first Anon's comment though that many Doms do not include the sub's input in deciding whether a D&S relationship ends due to the Dom's obligations to others.