November 1, 2010

Formspring Question

Over a week ago I received a question on Formspring.  The question was this:

Is there anything in BDSM that you don't like or disagree with?

I have been thinking about this question.  I haven't been real sure how to answer it.  I'm still not real sure how to answer it.  So to the person who submitted it...congrats because you stumped me.  I don't really know why this question is so difficult for me to answer.  But it has been nonetheless.  

I'm sure there are things that I don't like, from an activity basis.  Yet, I can't say that I have experienced them all, so there are things I have no idea if I like or not.  I can say there are some things that I know do not interest me.  There is the usual nasty things, such as piss and scat.  I have seen quite a few people on certain sites that seem to be into needle play and designs.  I can't say that this has any interest to me.  I'm not into branding and making permanent marks on someone. 

I guess I can touch on D/s versus M/s type relationships.  I do enjoy D/s immensely.  It seems to be an integral part of who I am at my core.  Yet, I have my own approach and way of going about things.  I'm very passionate and kind in my approach.  I'm not overbearing or overly stern.  I can be demanding at times, and will do what is needed to keep my sub in line though.  When we look at a M/s relationship, I'm not so sure I can or could do that.  I have written before about enjoying being able to cut up with my submissive and have a good time.  I like her to have a little sass and want to joke around.  As long as she knows her place and remembers that.  To me, M/s slave seems to be a bit more controlling and demanding.  I'm just not sure I could be that for a woman on a constant long term basis.  

There is a lot of overlapping and gray areas of the different dynamics and styles.  You just have to find the bits and pieces of what works best for you.  There are different dynamics I would enjoy trying to be a part of on a more regular basis.  HOH, D/s, 24/7, etc...  It's all about finding your niche and what best fills the needs of you and your partner.  If I want certain things and she doesn't, then that can be a problem.  The reverse is true as well.  If she needs certain things, and I don't want to do that or am not comfortable doing it, then that can be a problem as well.  This is why finding a suitable partner can be difficult, but is worth the wait when you do find your match.

The one thing that does bother me, which I have talked about before, is Dominants that have no clue what this is about or involves, but think it will be fun.  They think it's about being able to boss a woman around, command sex when they want, and in general be an asshole to her.  To them it is about being Domineering, as opposed to Dominant.  Maybe there is a place for it and some women like that.  I believe, though, that for the most part this isn't true.  It takes a special person to be able to be in charge of a woman and to fill her needs, take care of her, protect and care for her, and to understand her.  It's not just about being in charge.  It's about so much more.  Many guys miss this and don't understand it,and this is to the detriment of the submissive he is trying to control.  Just my opinion of course and what works for me, based on how I do things and how  feel.

To the person that submitted the question, I hope this answered it for you.  If not, please send another one and I'll try again.  I think I at last covered some of it for you, and hope it was adequate enough for what you were wanting to know.  


  1. DV,
    Excellent response to the question. It was completely honest and very eye opening for me as to who you are as a Dom.
    I think answers the question perfectly.
    Great post,

  2. Thanks Janet! I'm glad you thought it was answered well, and that it better explained me and who I am.