March 31, 2013

The Ebb And Flow Of Dominance

The ebb and flow!  The coming and going!  Back and forth!  From here to there and back again!  The mind and our personalities are a funny thing.  One day we can be in particular head space, and the next day be totally different.  For some people, it's not even day to day that this occurs, but maybe even hour to hour, or minute to minute.  No, I'm not talking about the mood of women and them changing without a moments notice.  I'm talking about the mindset and needs of the Dominant!

We all have moods we cycle through depending on what's going on in our lives.  I am no exception, and the
needs of my Dominance change as well.  There are days when I feel very sensual and passionate.  I want to be softer and more caressing.  I want to kiss gently and rub her cheek softly.  I want to enjoy the elegant and sensuous curves that make my submissive the woman she is and trail my fingertips along every single part of her.  I want to explore her and enjoy all she is.  I want to tease and heighten her senses to the touch and make her want more.  I want her to feel loved and cared for and feel that side of me.  To know that it's there and that it is part of what she gets from me.

In contrast, there are days when I feel very Dominant and feel the need to expose and show that side of myself.  I feel the need to be rough and forceful.  To show my Dominance in its fullest.  I want handfuls of hair.  I want to dig my fingers into her.  I want to leave marks upon her flesh.  I want to bind her and have my way with her.  I want to take what's mine and remind her who she belongs to.  I may even do it just because I can.  I want to make her scream and gasp in a combination of pain and pleasure and feel her submit to what I feel the need to do to her.  I need her to feel my Dominance and have no doubt as to who is in control and in charge.

The beauty of having a D/s or bdsm relationship with the right partner is that she understands this side of me. She understands the multiple layers of needs that reside within me.  She understands and needs for herself the different levels and ways I express my Dominance.  She needs both the gentle and soft side of me, as well as the forceful and controlling side.  I even believe that both of us need the ebb and flow of both sides of Dominance and submission.  We need and crave both.  We feel a bit incomplete in just having constant forceful Dominance, and lacking the care and love.  We feel less whole in having just the soft caresses and care, and no overt control and Dominance.

Each of us needs the ebbs and flows of what we have in our relationship.  It's what gives us the chance to have the complete relationship that contains all the aspects of D/s that we each need.  It's not just the women that have these mood changes and swings.  We men have them as well, and in the Dominant they can manifest in our needs and desires with our submissive.  The key is understanding these natural swings and making it fit within your relationship and what both the Dominant and the submissive need from each other.  The mixture of soft and course can make what you have more complete and better for you both, and strengthen the overall bonds you have together.


  1. Nicely put DV.

    Be well,

  2. Such a lovely thought DV, for us one could not work without the other. The feeling of ownership is there during both those times.

  3. This is beautifully written and well said. I have experienced both sides of Him and believe that O/our changing needs make D/s extremely fulfilling.

  4. I absolutely love this post. We need both the soft & tender and the forceful dominance. Without one we could not appreciate the other.

  5. So perfectly put! We can't all be on our A game all the time :)
    Time and place for everything.

  6. Wow! okay Sir, ya got where do i sign?! :P

  7. This really spoke to me. I am sending my Sir a link to this post. I appreciate your eloquence on this topic!


  8. I completely understand what you are saying. There are days when I want to make tender love to my pet, other days where I want to leave her with bruises and marks. She willingly goes along with what ever direction I go.

  9. The ebb and flow is so true! Very well put :)

  10. *clapping*

    Bravo! So very well said!


  11. WOW! Thank you...I've only ever heard these words from my M. The ebb and flow has unsettled me at times. My current relationship is my only D/s relationship. We talk of it in our light and dark sides, and when I first felt our dark side ebb, I worried that I haven't inspired that fire in Him.

    I'm slowly learning not to internalize so much. :-)

  12. like the ebb and flow of the river, some days the water flows smoothly cascading over the worn rock, others it forcefully brims over the shoreline with the thunderclap of a storm.